Lady here: i have a question about approaching men in "unapproachable" situations

HappyJerk · 2013-12-05T01:57:01+00:00

The key to any approach is meeting them confidently and securely without looking liking you are fixated on them. An approach gets annoying when the person starts talking to you and won't stop and you realize that they want something from you.

I think if you are an attractive woman at the gym your best bet is just to go up to guys and introduce yourself and say "Hi, My name is X, and I notice you here a lot and I just wanted to say hi, I think you are [cute, whatever]" and then withdraw. If he is interested in you he will then keep the conversation going and/or pursue. To be honest, most men don't get approached like this so he may not know how to react. He may stutter and/or act stupid but you've laid the groundwork for future interactions.

ThrowawayPUA · 2013-12-05T06:00:06+00:00

I will suggest the same thing to you, that I suggest to men.

In the gym, try to meet people before or after their workout, not in the middle of it. It is best to meet them in some "transitional space" between outside and the gym, like the lobby, the attached juice bar or lounge, vending machine area, whatever they have. These transitional spaces are usually intended to be more socially oriented than the gym itself, and almost everyone goes through them on their way in or out.

teston13 · 2013-12-05T14:57:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Peter_Campbell · 2013-12-05T02:51:37+00:00

Eye contact
Get in close proximity
Smile
More eye contact

naked_bacon_baker · 2013-12-05T05:11:16+00:00

Side question: How do you think a girl wants to be approached in the gym?

So the rest of us can avoid trying to talk to a girl on her 5th mile with headphones in.

pandcman · 2013-12-05T02:07:23+00:00

Dude (lady dude), the idea is to make yourself available for a guy to approach you. If you're on a treadmill across from the gym, and I'm bench pressing across the room I'm obviously not in a convenient spot to approach. But of you put yourself in my presence my first thought is that you're interested.

If you're an attractive fit woman and you make yourself easy to approach or maybe ask a guy a harmless question or two, an attractive confident man will approach.

The idea is to make yourself an easy target.

kingcal · 2013-12-05T04:47:20+00:00

A man would never be offended by a woman approaching. Most of the time the pressure is on us to break the ice, so a girl taking it upon herself to start interacting with a guy is always a welcome surprise. We don't have a constant stream of people approaching us, so when it does happen it's very flattering. Just make eye contact, smile, and say hi.

kevstav13 · 2013-12-05T01:08:39+00:00

tap on the shoulder "do you need a spotter" or "hey I need a spotter, can you help me real fast?" or "I'm not sure about my form on blah blah exercise, can you help me out?" or "hey I've never done that exercise you're doing, can you teach me?". If you're attractive, and the guy is single, I can't see any excuse why he would turn you down.

phucitol · 2013-12-05T06:51:33+00:00

How would you, as a man, want to be approached at the gym, if at all?

by an

upper-end of the attractiveness scale and very fit

human female.

whats the problem here?

XionGuard · 2013-12-05T03:16:16+00:00

Me when any girl looks at me: "OMG. She is so into me!"

Kimberlinho · 2013-12-05T08:39:07+00:00

You're a hot lady. Say hello and be friendly, let your hot ladiness do the rest.

itsmevichet · 2013-12-05T15:20:22+00:00

If you're really on the upper end of physical attraction, and you aren't annoying, most guys would not mind you approaching them in 90 percent of cases. The only times it would not work is if they were clearly working on something that requires their concentration - if you're at the gym, don't interrupt his set. But, if he's resting between sets, feel free to walk up.

An example for me is dance class. I'm social, and I like it when women introduce themselves. But when I'm in class, I need to focus. She can talk to me after or during a stretching break.

This whole "don't approach me, I'm busy" bullshit that everyone tosses around reeks of self-importance. People really aren't that busy, men or women. Some are less open to approach than others, true, but it varies from person to person, and the bottom line is that if someone finds you attractive they can come up with 2 minutes to talk to you.

OhMyGoat · 2013-12-05T21:15:25+00:00

I myself am serious about bodybuilding, so the less chit-chat I encounter when I'm working out, the better. That being said, one of the ways you could get close enough to a guy to get to know him better is to ask for his help with a certain exercise. I see girls (and guys) working out with bad form all the time, I sometimes intervine, I sometimes just ignore it, but I've found that a good way to break the ice with someone is to help them with their workout.

Do that, and if the guy likes you, you'll share a couple laughs and maybe even escalate it further. He might even have the balls to ask you out on the spot, you never know!

I_forget_passwordss · 2013-12-05T11:35:19+00:00

Just do the call me maybe song. Walk up introduce yourself, hand off #, say call or text me, leave.

Abbrevi8 · 2013-12-06T05:12:17+00:00

I've never been approached successfully at the gym,

I never approach in the gym because I figure girls are there to work out and not be hit on.

How would you, as a man, want to be approached at the gym, if at all?

Come up and talk to me.

admirals_go_nuts · 2013-12-06T12:54:45+00:00

Wait, you want to be approached at the gym? Well my opinion would be, check out the exercise which the guys is his most confident. Then look at him doing it give him a big smile. If he is over AA he will approach you. For me would be rowing, check me out rowing and smile at me. If you need to approach, ask him to help you out with putting weights on your leg press, but only if he is close by. Tell him its much faster with his help. Then tell him you are so tired because of something, a party, exams, he might get the hint and ask you out to chill and relax with him.

Also, how would you like to be approached? General be attractive/dont be unattractive rule? What else?

GrayFoxHops · 2013-12-07T02:53:01+00:00

There is no "unapproachable" situation. There are situations which have a very low chance of success. The thing that makes those low chances of success seem like actual barriers is your fear of rejection, knowing the odds full well. I'm assuming that you have not approached anyone at the gym before.

A rule that I have learned to follow is "don't shit where you eat," meaning "don't practice approaching in places that you need for your life." This includes dorms, apartment buildings, and gyms. I've been fine with the grocery store but the gym is pushing it because you are likely going to see these people again.

Luckily, you are female (and an attractive one at that), and so you have the privilege of not being labeled a "creep" if you try to talk to people and come off the wrong way. As far as your gym goes, you can probably approach anywhere except inside the locker room (although I have a friend who has hooked up with someone in the locker room at our University's gym so anything is possible I guess).

The problem with your question is that you care what these men think, or maybe you think that there is some magic solution to your issue. "How do I do this without coming off poorly?" You may very well come off poorly and that is completely out of your control. Any one of these men could have a girlfriend/wife, or social anxiety disorder, or he could be having a really shitty day, or he could be gay, or he could be a misogynist. You don't know. Yet, you have to approach anyway. Are you still interested in approaching men at the gym, or do you want to try to be happy with the unattractive men who are approaching you right now? The bottom line is that you have to be in control of how you feel and how you handle the situation. No matter how a guy reacts, you have to understand that it just doesn't matter.

The other problem with your question is asking how we would "want to be approached at the gym, if at all?" It doesn't matter what we want. It matters what you want. If you aren't willing to take what you want, again, you can go right back to being approached by unattractive guys.

Don't get me wrong. Of course there are things you can do to maximize your chances for success, even if there is nothing you can do to guarantee a 100% success rate. The first thing you can do is try to talk to a guy you like, and see if he will lead the conversation for you, because he has very likely had to approach a girl and lead the conversation himself before.

Below are some ideas for openers, after which you can follow up by making conversation with him. None of this is going to help unless you are willing to "man up" and do it, which is tough because you're conditioned even stronger than a "beta" not to do these things as a lady. Just don't make excuses for yourself.

Start working out nearby a guy. If he hasn't said anything, he might just be following the rule that "women don't want to be approached at the gym." Say something to him so that he knows it is "okay" to talk to you while working out. Jacked guys probably have a decent amount of experience talking to women, so you might just have to break the ice. Before I got into pickup, a cute girl sort of approached me at the gym by getting on the treadmill next to me and would occasionally glance over. This would be a good way to approach a guy and check to see if he wants to/has the confidence to talk to you.
Ask a guy to spot for you on the bench. This way, you have plausible deniability. For all he knows, you genuinely needed someone to spot for you. He will feel like a big strong man helping a little lady, etc.
Make an off-handed comment to someone as you pass by, get water, go to a different part of the gym, etc. Try to make a running joke of it, i.e. I once saw a girl trip as she tried to get off a piece of equipment. I teased her about it (she wasn't hurt or anything). Then later, I "checked in to make sure she was okay." Basically, you can play off of encountering a person multiple times, where each time it seems like a funny coincidence (a running joke in the dramatic play that is life). Running into a person multiple times risks creeping them out, but you're a hot girl so that's not an issue. A guy will just get an ego boost from it.
If there is an in-door track, run a lap and see if there are any guys who are jogging or walking that you want to talk to. It doesn't matter if they have headphones in.
Walk straight up to an attractive man and say hello. You are honestly over-complicating things for yourself. Just have some way of exchanging numbers, i.e. carry your cell phone on your arm in one of those running holsters. If you just want to hook-up, then act a little sluttier and he will probably play along, i.e. the "check my pulse" idea where you put his hand on your chest. The only threat is if his girlfriend happens to be at the gym too, and gets defensive.

So yeah, there is always a chance that something will go terribly wrong, but you honestly have it pretty easy. (PS: You do sound really stuck up with the way you complain about not being "successfully" approached.)

2013-12-05T01:43:51+00:00

Honestly, it depends. I have good looking male friends who do not want to be bothered by anything while working out. There are some people who can't be approached successfully. Happens on both sides of the fence.

That said, if a cute chick asked me for help spotting or to do a form check for squats... I'd be game.

johnnynoname12 · 2013-12-05T12:44:56+00:00

would I be a asshole if I said that as a woman that you don't need a stategy per se....the poverbial ball is in your court...you can do whatever you want (within reason of course) when you approach a guy

btw- I make no apologizes for telling the truth, guys

blonderson · 2013-12-05T18:30:14+00:00

Might I suggest that the gym isnt the best place to court the opposite sex?

Both men and women will be busy and then go home. There are better places to get this done.

charm3 · 2013-12-05T02:45:57+00:00

Smile
Try to go for the weights/same machine close to the time he does .Alternatively , ask how many sets he got left .Smile as you do this.If there is something situational comment on it .if not atleast next time you see him you can smile and that would be perfect ground for something like -How's it going or just wave.

Title	Lady here: i have a question about approaching men in "unapproachable" situations
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	33
Comments	63
Date	December 5, 2013 12:57 AM UTC (12 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1s4fwr/lady_here_i_have_a_question_about_approaching_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lady-here-i-have-a-question-about-approaching-men.1362629 https://theredarchive.com/post/1362629

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