Let's forget getting laid for a second. How do you get a solid, tight-knit social circle?

Woujo · 2017-04-18T22:41:36+00:00

How the fuck do I get people to actually WANT to hangout with me, rather than just being willing to if I ask them?

I understand your problem.

I wrote an article about how to get women emotionally invested in you: https://www.woujo.com/blog/2017/4/11/how-to-not-become-emotionally-invested-in-women

It's basically the same with friends. You make "friends" by getting them emotionally invested in you without becoming too emotionally invested in them. If you become too emotionally invested in them, you become needy and put pressure on them. In other words, if you bring less value to them than what you take away from them they reject you.

So think about this: what value are you bringing? Are you fun to hang out with? Are you nice? Do you do fun stuff? Or are you always complaining, sad, mopey, mean, and being boring?

But you also need to keep this in mind. A lot of people have the same problem with you. We live in a society where everybody is busy and people are less connected than ever, so a lot of people find it hard to stay connected with friends and most people are just too tired and busy to be constantly "hitting up" their friends. People are becoming more and more isolated and lonely. In fact, some of the most popular people I know are only popular because they actually take the initiative and hit people up. Some people only feel comfortable being your "friend" if you hit them up so often enough that they feel comfortable. You basically have to force your way in.

It's a sad fact, but most people only hit you up if they want something from you. Finding good friends is hard, but it's good you are trying.

DaygameCoach · 2017-04-19T04:26:02+00:00

You actually don't have a problem. You are like men who complain that women don't initiate or approach --- women don't HAVE to initiate.

These friends or potential friends do WANT to hangout with you (since they do when you ask)...but someone has to lead...and it's you...because that's what you've been doing. I say keep doing it since hot women generally need you to lead as well, and socially, leading (even leading men) is attractive.

Also, if you do approach 20 people a day...things WILL change since you will get better at it, more socially intelligent and you can actually approach hot women you are attracted to.

DranDran · 2017-04-19T09:38:43+00:00

I am an introvert. I am not a leader. I am non-confrontational. But somehow, I seem to have an ease to make people want to hang out with me. Because I'm a good listener, and chime in only when necessary or for the odd quirky funny/sarcastic remark, I'm very easy to get along with. Was a time when I lived mostly on my own with very little social contact, these days I keep having to turn people down so I have some me-time, which in all honesty I value more than social time.

How did I get there? Its easier than you think.

Choose an activity. Group outings like hiking or inline skating (for me it was the latter), language exchange groups, dancing classes, cooking classes, book clubs. It helps if you actually enjoy doing the activity.
Keep showing up. First day is awkward if you are an introvert, you dont know anyone, you feel like the outsider (cause face it you are), but maybe figure out who else is new.. chat to them, make small talk. Next met up, you will know a face or two. The third meetup, you'll know more than a couple and put names to faces, have had longer chats with some of them.
Keep showing up, meeting people, make small conversation. If you like anyone in particular as a potential friend, maybe suggest a couple of you meet up outside the group setting to get drinks, do more of your activity of choice, watch a movie, whatever.
If you are not a total douchenozzle and you have established any sort of rapport with the people you have been hanging out with in and outside of the group activities, when they organise shit, they will remember to get in touch and ask you to tag along. You will find yourself added to whatsapp groups where shit gets organizad.

Ta-dah! There's your social circle. Incidentally the process for dating is the same, but there is more innuendo, flirting, touching and sexual overtones. :p

Depending on how actively you engage people in conversation and make plans to do shit outside your group activity, you will form your circle sooner or later. I've seen newbies to my group suggest activities like a week in, and people sign up, cause everyone is up to doing something outside the routine.

And there's guys like me who are just pleasant company and get asked to come along to stuff cause they are fun to be with. and all it took was me just showing up once a week.

Once you get the knack of it, its astounding how easy it is to make friends, anywhere. And the more you engage those friends the tighter your social circle will be, though you can create as many circles ans you like. Its good to have a couple, not just put all your baskets into ONE group, because all groups have drama, and the larger the group the more potential for drama.

But that's a whole other topic.

The1InCharge · 2017-04-19T00:42:26+00:00

What helped me was mixing it up with people from completely different groups. I did a few short courses (playwriting etc) and started hanging out with completely different people from all walks of life, made some long term friends too... It's just an experiment and not intimidating at all, even if it's not a huge interest, try something, you might like it and you'll meet people you might connect with more. Give it a go!

mitchpaz · 2017-04-19T06:36:45+00:00

You could create something and let people love that. Music works, people will have a reason to come play with you or see your band. It's a lot of work but it's really beautiful. Board game night is good. People come because they want something to do, play board games and share drinks. It's easy and innocuous. Book club. Music listening parties. Happy hour at your house. Sports game watching. Cycling. Poetry slam. Because we're human, food is important enough that it should be part, or it could be the whole reason to gather. Cultural holidays do all this, but are you religious? Does it matter? Sometimes we gather and don't talk about anything important and all we do is play Clue. Sometimes when I play in my band I don't make any connections deeper than, "you rock!" + "Thanks, man." I suppose I consider them friends. Don't forget that we're all individuals and we make decisions in our own unique ways. Whatever you do, if you want more folks around you, do it well and be good. You catch more flies with honey than vinegar.

sjrakes · 2017-04-19T09:30:49+00:00

have you ever read "How to win friends and influence people" written by Dale Carnegie? It's about this topic.

santereality · 2017-04-19T13:23:10+00:00

Most social groups are comprised of one or two people who actually take the initiative in planning or arranging things. Just be one of those people and don't expect others to do the same. People want to hang out, they're just lazy.

I had a friend recently admire that I came back from college and established a social circle right away. Literally the only thing that I do to make that happen is to start dialing once I get off work on Friday.

TheJasonSensation · 2017-04-19T13:28:58+00:00

It is possible you are only making friends with laid-back people who aren't go-getters. In my friend circle, there are really only 2-3 out of 8 or so of us that actually do any sort of activity organizing.

rathyAro · 2017-04-19T15:18:59+00:00

The main ingredient that a lot of the other posts are missing is exposure. It's just easy to befriend people you see all the time. This is why it's so easy to have a friend group in school; you're just forced to spend time with them. Finding any stable setting where you see the same people all the time is going to do most of the work i.e. a class, a book club, a crossfit gym, a church service, a weekly volunteering event. Anything where you see the same people regularly.

The other side of it is being open but not scaring people away. People distrust others by default and if you are aggressive they will assume you want something. Be friendly and genuine but don't push. Exposure will naturally do that work for you as long as you don't actively scare people away.

Lastly comparing is kind of useless. You mentioned how even shitty people have close friends but that doesn't there shittiness isn't going to hurt their friendships. I'm not saying you have to be Tyler but why not be your best self and give yourself the best chance to not just make friends but make quality friends.

ayubimope · 2017-04-19T13:54:20+00:00

Start smoking weed lol

BurkeAbroad · 2017-04-19T16:32:05+00:00

So the price of being a wolf is loneliness, but the price of being a sheep is boredom. You can't have the best of both worlds really.

Mayahaha · 2017-04-19T06:59:08+00:00

This is may be the time to focus on you instead of others. You can't have good relationships if you aren't good with who you are. If you want it all you gotta work hard af.

zach84 · 2017-04-18T22:47:10+00:00

[permanently deleted]

crash1082 · 2017-04-19T04:34:47+00:00

College

zach84 · 2017-04-18T23:17:11+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Let's forget getting laid for a second. How do you get a solid, tight-knit social circle?
Author	zach84
Upvotes	199
Comments	56
Date	April 18, 2017 10:22 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/6665z0/lets_forget_getting_laid_for_a_second_how_do_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/lets-forget-getting-laid-for-a-second-how-do-you.1423534 https://theredarchive.com/post/1423534

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