Married in a rut

Virtual_Ad_4817 · 2025-12-02T13:40:54+00:00

This suggestion will sound counterintuitive but I swear to fucking god if you do it it will work.

Focus on something else for a bit. I don't know what you're passionate about in life. Maybe it's a sport or a musical instrument or carpentry or something. But go do it/get back into it from when you were younger.

Get people together to do it. So if you play the guitar or something get a guitar meetup group going and maybe find some other guys to play in a cover band. Whatever it is you do, start organizing cool shit around it and be the instigator of getting people together to do it.

The reason this works is because most human hobbies serve no evolutionary survival purpose - they're solely there as reproductive fitness indicators to make women horny.

The evolutionary psychologist Geoffrey Miller wrote a very good book about it called The Mating Mind. He says you can't "joke" a saber-toothed cat to death if it's attacking you in prehistoric times. But humor, art, music, competition, etc. - these all evolved in our species. And not for survival but for reproduction. For women to select mates just like how the peacock's feathers (which also serve no survival purpose) make the peahen horny as fuuuuuck.

When you're the guy getting everyone together to do cool shit like play in a band or build model airplanes or whatever it is you do, you're tripping Mystery's "Leader of Men" attraction trigger. Which frankly is one of the most reliable ones. And this trigger can be flipped even if your wife doesn't give a shit about what your hobby is, it's simply that you're the guy leading it with passion and conviction and everyone is following your lead.

Other attraction triggers are adventurous lifestyle, willingness to emote, protector of loved ones, and preselection. They all work, but personally I've found leader of men to be the most reliably consistent.

autodidacticasaurus · 2025-12-02T14:09:17+00:00

Check out Dan Bacon's YouTube channel. If you suck at the basics, go look at Coach Kyle's playlists. Sex starts long before sex, long before the bedroom. It starts with having a good relationship where she respects you and you two have fun (see Dan Bacon). That's the foundation. Then you flirt, long before you do anything. Then take your time with foreplay, make her want you. Keep teasing her until she can't stand it. Then let her have sex with you. You want a slow and gradual escalation, maybe even one that spans multiple days.

GremLimm · 2025-12-02T14:05:29+00:00

I found libido fairy on Instagram to be a great resource for sex within a relationship.

Generally it's about making intentional time, working on the lead up, not requiring sex but increasing intimacy.

Taco Tuesday where you give her a backrub and get her off purely for her is a great initiative. Closely followed by blowjob and beer Wednesdays (if you do a great job Tuesday, you get a better blowjob).

Regular date nights, reducing her mental and emotional load and bringing back touch that doesn't need to lead to anything can help.

ratfooshi · 2025-12-02T19:24:40+00:00

Smash in public.

IvanTheTerrible69 · 2025-12-03T03:13:25+00:00

Random question:

Is this sudden, or has this been going on for years?

Depending on how you look at it, the main killer of relationships is looking ahead like it’s the end, rather than the beginning of an exciting journey

Don’t focus on reliving the past; if you want to set off that spark again, focus on beginning a new adventure with your wife, one that acknowledges everything and, taking all of those lessons, propels forward into an uncertain but fulfilling path

Take that trip you (or your wife) have discussed for years, go to the one restaurant you always wanted to try, make it a point to go and visit your children (another proponent is that love evolves; don’t lose sight of the fact that you love her and want to share your life with her, even when kids have entered the picture)

If you’re posting this, it’s because you care; now, show her and make both of your lives the best it’s ever been

fuck_dating_reddi_t · 2025-12-02T13:09:21+00:00

Go for the trip

LunarWolf47 · 2025-12-02T13:22:37+00:00

what does your week look like? Do you spend any time out of the house doing anything that your wife isn't involved with?

1slycoyote · 2025-12-02T16:27:55+00:00

Talk, show her you are listening. Give her light massages. Rub her feet after a hard day

Candles hot bath. Bathe her or give her quiet time. Put body cream on her or baby oil. No sex.

In my college days the women respononded.
My wife always responded . A little tenderness and pampering of your partner goes a long way. They might just want to cuddle and kiss only. But that is fine. You are showing your attention to her comfort. Its not an everyday deal. I did this until my wife died. I'm doing this with my 25 f gf younger woman and she is loving it. Told me none of the men she dated before would do any of that. They just pushed for sex.

MineDesperate2920 · 2025-12-02T13:28:23+00:00

My thoughts on sex is you either have a lot of stability in a relationship and boring sex. (Live together. Best friends. No chaos etc). Which is obv good for raising a family.

OR. You have a lot of chaos and amazing sex. Think breakup sex. Just met your partner and don’t know if it’s going to last. The girl is actualy crazy etc. usually uncertainty makes the sex interesting.

Whether or not you want to do that in a marriage of 20 years is up to you

TermMedical7533 · 2025-12-02T14:12:18+00:00

Thank you I will check them out, it sounds like exactly what we need.

hazellebakers · 2025-12-02T16:58:37+00:00

Try focusing on emotional connection and intimacy, not just sex.

metanoiamozziesticks · 2025-12-02T18:20:48+00:00

I have been in this rut! My husband and I were almost living separate lives within the same house. What worked to bring the spark back was intentional time set aside to date each other again. We had one date night outside the home and one date night inside the home each week. We put ideas for dates into a big jar and pulled out an idea each week. With this time set aside and more connection, we ended up in bed multiple times a week.

izz420 · 2025-12-02T21:30:27+00:00

Man, you not gonna like this: you will have to talk to your wife. No other way.

TermMedical7533 · 2025-12-04T20:32:40+00:00

I want to thank everyone for your input you have all given me a lot to think about and ideas for us to try.

joggingjunkie · 2025-12-02T13:55:50+00:00

Walk around house naked with an erection

Hug her

Kiss her

Tease her

Eat her

Fuck her

Syyrus · 2025-12-02T18:59:56+00:00

Get naked, rub oil on eachothers body and dance naked to both your favourite songs for an hour minimum. No penetration, make sure you both are sweaty as fuckk. Once the hour is over. Burn incense, eat chocolate, have a nice ice drink. Then give eachother a shiatsu massage. Im talking no penertration full on rub sesson for an hour.

Post an update so i can rub one out.

Matter_Still · 2025-12-03T12:55:10+00:00

The legendary psychiatrist, Victor Frankl, advised a couple with a similar problem to lie in bed naked one hour a day. The man and woman could do anything but have sex.

You can guess what happened: in no time at all they were screwing like kids again.

This intervention is called “paradoxic intention”.

It’s like telling your kid, “You can have any cookie you want except the chocolate one. Which one will they want?

amaldev281 · 2025-12-02T13:10:18+00:00

Try cuck concepts, threesome etc

Busamang · 2025-12-02T14:01:20+00:00

Get her a "romance novel" for Christmas

Title	Married in a rut
Author	TermMedical7533
Upvotes	44
Comments	39
Date	December 2, 2025 1:05 PM UTC (8 months ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/1pc7xe1/married_in_a_rut/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/married-in-a-rut.1567901 https://theredarchive.com/post/1567901

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