Not your typical seduction post, but I'm having a visit in a shared apartment in a few hours. How can I, as a shy person, appear likeable?

ghostiewm · 2018-11-20T15:23:17+00:00

When I was 17 I had exactly this dilemma. Do I continue to be reserved, calculate the responses of people in my head before I ask a question? Get anxious about how people would perceive my thoughts of just jump in there and speak what was on my mind?

I chose to jump in. And it was great. We had a long conversation.

Many years later, I am still an introvert and I don't like having superficial conversations, but I don't isolate myself. When i meet with people who do not think like I do, I sit down and listen to their superficial conversations and judge them In my head I don't make the situation about me. Occasionally they come up with something that sparks my interest and then I will contribute, but most of the time I just listen. Along the way I have learned to love myself work on my self esteem , my self confidence, my propensity to judge, and I have worked a lot on meditating and centering my mind.

All of that has helped me to be less anxious about meeting people, and more about learning about them, what makes them unique and what their super powers are. When I meet with people I enjoy our time together, whether we are talking, not talking, or doing something together.

TheJoeyJoeJoe · 2018-11-20T16:18:04+00:00

Learning game is great for situations like this.

You learn how to deal with social pressure. You learn how to entertain people. You learn how to read social cues and adapt to them. You learn how to stand out from a crowd of average people. You learn how to make people like you, while also learning how to stop giving a fuck whether people like you or not.

By the sounds of this post, it sounds like you haven't run a lot of game. Let situations like this be a wake-up call for you. Learning game isn't just about sex.

In situations like this, I 'run game', but without being polarizing or flirtatious. I put my full personality out there. If they like it, they'll pick me a housemate and I'll probably enjoy living with them. If they don't like it, I dodged a bullet.

I'd advise you to put your full personality out there too. That means admitting about being shy and nervous. This honesty and congruence can be endearing. Putting on a huge front will be completely see-through (just as it is in the field).

Good luck buddy!

4look4rd · 2018-11-20T15:23:01+00:00

Just be nice, complement the something that stands out to you like the set up, a painting, games they have out or something. Don't over do it, or make it too generic. People like to get complements and may spark a bit of conversation.

Bring something, if you are drinking bring booze, no one likes a mooch.

Share an interesting story, and join the conversation.

theforgetfulbuddha · 2018-11-20T19:26:05+00:00

Cocaine

likethemonkey · 2018-11-20T16:04:20+00:00

Tell them the truth. Do the normal thing, ask questions, talk to them, and when there's an awkward silence or it starts dragging, talk about it.

"I'm sorry, but I'm actually a pretty shy person and these roommate interviews are an exhausting process and awkward as hell, yeah?"

They're also doing something they don't normally do. This is a weird thing. Address it. Be vulnerable. People connect on commonalities and your current commonality is the awkwardness of this process.

Or, they hate it, don't choose you, and you win anyways. You don't want to live with people who are expecting someone to perform in some weird energetic way.

jackzander · 2018-11-20T16:18:12+00:00

having a visit

all about me

I'm honestly having a hard time figuring out what actually happening. You live in a shared apartment, and one person is coming to visit you there? You specifically? Only you, or everyone together? Romantically, or platonically?

I'm just lost.

Regardless, as a fairly social person, I still 100% enjoy small fidgety tasks when socializing. Complex snacks, like whole peanuts or pistachios, or an unfinished puzzle or Where's Waldo book or literally anything that doesn't require much heavy brain power, but can soak up excess or nervous energy.

2udaylatif · 2018-11-20T16:57:36+00:00

r/socialskills

jenkstom · 2018-11-20T15:20:26+00:00

Have a calm and confident conversation about things that are emotionally positive to your audience. If you don't know what those things are, start a different conversation that will find out. A little planning, and it wouldn't take much, could go very far.

DuckDickNipple · 2018-11-20T15:53:35+00:00

Well asking questions is good and it does promote conversation but the most important part is listening and being genuinely interested. Remember, the conversation isn’t necessarily over because they’ve finished answering and that it is completely alright to be quiet, even for longer durations. Gotta practice to get better

BonvivantNamedDom · 2018-11-20T16:21:12+00:00

Ok. I could write a long paragraph, but its getting tiring all the time. So instead I just give you 5 rules, and if you dont apply them you lose.

Never talk about yourself unasked. Only about the situation (whats going on in the room etc) or the person you are talking to (future, past, present).
Be vague. If you answer every question plain and straight you wont get a lot of attention and interest.
If you talk about the situation or the other person make more statements than questions.
If you feel the conversation is running dry you have to eject. Staying there will make things worse than getting back to it again.
You have to involve other people in the conversation. Especially when they didnt participate in the first place.

Bonus Rule for maximun effect:

Dont impress anyone. Let others impress you. (This one is hard to understand though.)

Apply those rules and have fun.

DrLio · 2018-11-20T16:39:17+00:00

Rehearse telling an anecdote about yourself that serves as introduction of who you are, and what person you are and puts you in a positive way. If the people in that apartment have similar interest as you then can be the beginning of a friendship. Also, keep in mind that they could have different interest that you and therefore not be completely compatible. In that case, just be nice and enjoy the time you get to spent with other people.

An example of a story about yourself, assuming you are into biking: "My friends keep telling me that I should replace my mountain bike, but I can't, we had so many adventures together, just looking at it brings memories and instant happiness."... In surface, it talks about your hobby, and if they have the same hobby, then you can bond on that, but the subtext tells more, that you value adventures, and memories, and that you probably enjoy nature, etc. Make sure that the stories are true, and come as authentic.

AaronicNation · 2018-11-20T17:20:28+00:00

Two Commandments: 1. Like yourself 2. Like other people

bretth104 · 2018-11-20T17:27:30+00:00

BE YOU.

That’s ok. Just be you, tell them what you like to do, what your living habits are, and ask if they are on the same page. If not, move on. I’ve had to take a look at several apartments and potential roommates before I found the one I’m living in. If they’re not cool with your lifestyle or vice versa then don’t force it because it will make your life miserable. Think of them not as friends but potential friendly business partners.

QuellonGreyjoy · 2018-11-20T17:35:29+00:00

I'm assuming these people will be around your age. This is good as you'll have lots in common. You can talk about topics like where you live, college, music, your love life, fitness, other hobbies. Just basic stuff that's easy to elaborate on. 4 is almost a perfect number, each person can carry the conversation and elaborate. As you're the new person, you can drop some of your own anecdotes in. E.g. you ask them about their love life, then they ask you, you joke about your mum's obsession with finding you a girlfriend, someone says they'll marry their cat and maybe then the conversation leads on to pets.

Don't think of it like a small talk checklist and don't feel like you have to overdo it and entertain all 3 at once like a dancing monkey. Just be yourself and act chilled. They want someone that won't cause drama, but also won't be too awkward and lock themselves in their room. But don't forget you're trying to find out about them as well, almost like you've invited them onto your podcast. Think of it like, can you imagine you all sat chilling together on a Thursday evening? You want the conversation to be flowing so well they forget it's even an interview. Also don't forget to make sure you're a fit for living together, is the kitchen clean? Do they smoke inside? You don't want to tie yourself down to a lease and have these problems pop up later

(Depending on what type of people they are, can't hurt to bring something. Some cookies or beers will instantly get you brownie points.)

Devilsigh · 2018-11-20T18:36:21+00:00

Fake it til' you make it brah.

Livefreeconsulting · 2018-11-20T20:19:07+00:00

Some people are naturally more outgoing than others. Some are more forward, some are more friendly. You aren't more or less likeable because of shyness alone.

The key is meaningful interaction. My buddies & I have had moments where not a word was said, but we enjoyed the silence together. Women are more talkative in GENERAL, but they won't write you off if you are more quiet.

The best way to participate in conversations while letting the other person do most of the talking is to ask exploratory questions. If someone says a word you haven't heard in a while, ask them what they mean. If they mention something but don't go into details, ask for details.

Picking 3 key phrases from someone's sentence and asking about those things extends the conversation and makes the people you talk with feel like you are interested in who they are and what they have to say. Here's an example.

"My dog was so restless on our run today, he wouldn't stop pulling the leash."

You now know this person has a dog, They run. The dog has a lot of energy. The dog misbehaved today. You can ask follow up questions on any one thing and the conversation keeps rolling.

seriouslydontfollow · 2018-11-20T20:54:33+00:00

Join the conversation. Open up. And genuinely enjoy yourself, try to be in the moment. It helps.

denverwind1 · 2018-11-20T21:01:34+00:00

Be normal yourself. Your worried so much about being liked. That is a mask.

SmoothPrimal · 2018-11-21T07:59:14+00:00

This is the worst advice, but just vibe with them, but be aware of the best practices when trying to rent a room.

This is not a seduction question. People here will say “yeah just be natural.” No the moment you say “I have shit credit,” “I have been evicted before,” you are out of the running. There is a great deal of socializing but this is partly a technical endeavour and you should approach it as such. Good luck.

Title	Not your typical seduction post, but I'm having a visit in a shared apartment in a few hours. How can I, as a shy person, appear likeable?
Author	BoyDa23
Upvotes	79
Comments	22
Date	November 20, 2018 2:00 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/9ysehh/not_your_typical_seduction_post_but_im_having_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/not-your-typical-seduction-post-but-im-having-a.1457095 https://theredarchive.com/post/1457095

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