Racial insecurity

fezzesarecool4768 · 2015-05-27T18:08:54+00:00

As a first Generation Indian who was born and raised in the USA, I can relate to a degree.

I grew up in a more Cosmopolitan city compared the surrounding areas - one where race was somewhat of a factor in socioeconomic issues, but as far as relationships went, it was overlooked and didn't matter (lots of interracial couples here). In high school, I had no trouble getting girls interested in me and attracting them, however I decided to go to a very small school for undergrad in a small Mid-Western town (less than a 10,000 people in the town proper). It was here that I dealt with what you're feeling. I would have drunken hook ups and one night stands with girls, but none of them there were comfortable with dating me. My friends flat out told me that it was because I was a minority in the Mid-West. It was very confusing and frustrating for me - this had never been a problem for me before, so why would race be a problem now. So, they decided to take me up to Chicago a few weekends out of the school year, and there everything was different. Chicago is very much a Cosmopolitan city. The girls there didn't care about race, and a few I met gave me the impression that they would be inclined to pursue a relationship with me, but the fact that it would be a long distance one to start off was a deal breaker.

After graduation, I returned to my hometown and my luck with the ladies improved drastically. I've come to believe that if you are a minority who lives in an area that is predominantly one race (i.e. an Indian in the Mid-West), you will have next to no luck with the ladies there as they've grown up surrounded by one culture/race and it's outside of their comfort zone to be with an "outsider". This isn't to say they are racist, hell we all have our preferences when looking for a significant other. As such, I believe living in more Cosmopolitan metropolises is key for us to find others who understand that race is only skin deep, different cultures should be respected and understood, and that interracial relationships can be very meaningful and lead to marriage. My advice to you would be to try and move yourself to a large, diverse city and (I hope this isn't offensive since I don't know if you've fully immersed yourself in American culture or if you just moved here for college and stayed and are still adapting to American culture) Americanize yourself more and be able to fully blend in with American Culture socially while still being able to maintain and keep aspects of our Indian culture that you feel you should maintain.

Be strong my brother, and don't let your past experiences skew your view of the future. Just do follow some of the basic seddit tips:

Hit the Gym - Working out releases endorphins, which is the happiness bio-molecule. You will literally feel better if you have a regular workout regimen. You will keep the blood flowing which will help remove the hormones that are feeding into your negativity and produce more endorphins
Eat well. What you put into your body is what you get out. If you eat crap, you will feel like crap. If you eat well, you will feel good and have more energy.
Be confident. This takes time, but make a list of all the positive things you've done, and remember past struggles you overcame. Every time you feel like your world is caving in, just remember what you've done before and just say, "If I got through that, I can get through this!"
It will take time, a lot of time, to see the changes you want. This has been weighing on your mind for a while. This is going to affect your perception of the world around you. Slowly you'll overcome this, and then I guarantee when you meet the first girl who is interested in you, it will give you loads of confidence to remind you that you are special, there will be girls out there who will value you, and that if you keep working you can achieve your goals and what you want out of life.

Good luck my brother, and feel free to PM me if you ever need to vent or want advice.

Edit: Grammar

AyJusKo · 2015-05-27T19:20:06+00:00

Check out Jesse from SimplePickup. Dude is a boss and gets girls of all races. It's not your race, its your insecurity about it that stops you. Just don't give a fuck and approach any and all girls you find attractive. If any of those girls reject you because you are Indian, fuck them! They're not the types of girls you want in your life anyway!

fathrowaway322 · 2015-05-27T19:43:53+00:00

Man I do see Indian guys complain a lot, but you should flaunt your success and where your getting in life definitely - shows you have status and are well-grounded. I suffer from a lot of the same insecurities - I am black, 20 years old, 6'3", have very little friends, never had a GF, and most people who meet me judge me before they even get to know me. I'm not really that ghetto so I'm not sure if that's a pro or a con; but either way I'm in a very bad position. Don't let silly racial issues hold u back like I've let them hold me back dude.

Shubrook · 2015-05-27T22:30:30+00:00

If you have taken the time to read the sidebar, you are already in the top 5% of the most charming men. Everyone has their hurdles - height, Weight, speech, etc. Yours may be prejudice.

Are you fresh from India or did you grow up here? There is a big difference, as I'm sure you know.

Your best weapon is hippie culture. India has a bad reputation on gender issues, but it is also the philosophical birthplace of the sexual revolution. I'm still not sure how it managed to skip over all of India on its way here.

Even if it is just a hemp bracelet, it will signal to girls )and other people) that you have modern beliefs.

Also, shorten your name. If it is caitanya. Go by Che. Siddarth should be sid. People will treat you better. Is it fair? Not really. Oh well.

Also, India has some fucked up gender politics. I'm engaged to an Indian girl. I've seen this first hand. If it is racist, then the truth is racist. Do not defend backwardness. Ever. India is not the greatest country in the world and Indians are not the smartest people in the world. I'm lecturing my girlfriend, now, so I'll stop the post here.

The prejudice is real. Its just another challenge to overcome.

tamilgangster · 2015-05-29T11:57:07+00:00

Dude, I knew it was going to be an indian. Lemme break this to you, Indian guys hookup with white girls ALL THE TIME, whenever I go out i see indian guys and white girls, much more common than indian girls with white guys. White girls are the easiest of any race, white girls are actually willing to date out of race more than any other group. OK cupid also says that black guys are the 2nd least attractive, so its all bullshit, online dating does not mean shit. Its personal issues not race. For every attractive white man you see on TV you see 10 times as many ugly ones

iscream22 · 2015-05-28T12:52:20+00:00

Be careful with TRP. Theres a lot of great information on there as far as self improvement and displaying value/giving off that vibe that you dont give a damn etc but theres a decent amount of info that could make you despise all women like I did. I ruined a good previous relationship because TRP made me think so paranoid and I treated my gf like a piece of crap when she didnt do anything wrong.

backto1993 · 2015-05-28T14:59:12+00:00

Half bangladeshi/half english here.

I used to get this feeling a lot but as I got older I thought that the world is starting to mix anyways so chicks would dig the brown skin. The world just fell into place after.

Let them stereotype you, but then let them be surprised when you open your mouth and you have a Geordie accent from Newcastle.

Lol

DaygameCoach · 2015-05-28T15:48:36+00:00

What? You didn't interpret the OKC study correctly. http://blog.okcupid.com/index.php/your-race-affects-whether-people-write-you-back/comment-page-31/

Match %s are roughly even. If response %s, Indians do higher than some other groups. So, now that your premise for this email is incorrect, you have no problem, right? I know a TON of Indian men who are great with women. I even had a Bangladeshi coaching assistant for a while and when he was "on"...he was something to watch.

The bottom line is this: Is you think you are too (short, tall, indian, old, young, etc.) then you ARE! It is called a self limiting belief. Work on your confidence and inner game.

Cuisine, Daygamer.net

Crazylettuce · 2015-05-27T18:53:55+00:00

Use it. IF y ou feel that it is harder for you to get chicks because you are indian, fuel your ambitions with it. Don't consider it to be your downfall, but a Challenge! This means that a handsome, white guy will have and easier time than you when approaching women. However, when you do it, and you succeed, than it has way more value to it than the white male. You become the bigger man. A man shouldn't wish for an easy path, a man should wish for a challenging. For it is on this path That You Become The Man, not just A man. We all have thoughts that weigh us down, but it is how we use these thoughts that matters.

Key message: Use your fact to make it a challenge for yourself, thus making yourself supreme.

Good Luck Brah <3 Go Get 'Em ;)

trail22 · 2015-05-27T22:06:49+00:00

So there was a matchmaker who had a black guy as a client. The matchmaker kept setting him up with black women. He said," I dont need help meeting black women."

So a lot of the indian women might be on the site to meet white men. It doesnt mean all indian women want white men. You probably dont need to go farther then you own facebook account to see that,

I will tell you though that if you want the highest batting average; hanging out with other indian guys and girls is your easiest way to meet women. You dont have to fight as many negative stereotypes or just cultural question marks as you would with a non indian women.

I think the worse thing about online dating is that you can 'Learn" insecurities and that those insecurities can affect your IRL interactions. In other words quit online dating. It has done more harm then good.

ZinovasGamer · 2015-05-27T22:25:38+00:00

Search up Deepak Wayne on YouTube. You won't regret it. (He's also on Wayne Dating, where he started)

curi · 2015-05-27T23:17:17+00:00

stop thinking of yourself as a statistic and become an individual. run your own life and the statistics don't matter. be passive and then you'll be just another undifferentiated statistic.

your problem is your fundamental philosophy of life, not anything about your looks. what you need to do is read Ayn Rand.

JIB_BUTKISS · 2015-05-27T20:10:07+00:00

First step is to get this outta your head, or at least change the way you think about it. Do girls see race? Sure. But don't let it define you, there's so many Indian people - you think all of em are the same? Hell naw. I've met a shitload of brown people and there's every type of y'all.

Trust me, its not a racial thing, you have to get rid of your inferiority complex. Just live your life fam and do/talk to who you want to talk to and eventually the right one will come along. Be a baller and stop letting the opinions of others define you. Girls are attracted to people with attractive personalities, just be you and the rest will come. You've got this fam.

prodigy2throw · 2015-05-27T21:05:44+00:00

Google Indian stereotypes and do the opposite. You should be fine

DullPencil · 2015-05-27T19:56:36+00:00

I feel like it depends where you live. The whole being a minority in a very white region probably doesn't help cause they'll kinda see you as an "outsider" or some shit. Growing up in liberal areas in the States I've found that race really isn't too much of an issue - if she's into you, she's into you.

Don't be insecure about this dumb racial shit bruh, if someone doesn't like you for your race they really aren't worth it. Be the best version of yourself and don't let other's opinions box you in or define you.

CaliBboy · 2015-05-27T19:39:43+00:00

As I read this subreddit daily I can't help to think most Indians have inferiority complexes and fetishized white women. With this degree of mental insecurity it's no wonder many Indians have problems with woman. Fix your issues first and worry about woman later.

Racial insecurity

Comments

1 kid is in the first pic?

Title	Racial insecurity
Author	ThrowSeduction
Upvotes	16
Comments	43
Date	May 27, 2015 5:15 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/37hc8t/racial_insecurity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/racial-insecurity.1388768 https://theredarchive.com/post/1388768