The need to be liked?

ContentWalrus · 2020-07-17T13:53:28+00:00

Read any book on seduction and the first thing they will tell you is nothing kills female attraction quicker than validation seeking needy behavior,

Always assume attraction exists. Instead of trying to win her over you need to see if she is good enough for you. You are the prize to be won.

slumpttx · 2020-07-17T15:28:14+00:00

Used to be one of my biggest insecurities. “Oh shit I said something wrong, what if she doesn’t like me anymore? Oh shit did I do something wrong? “

Nope. You did everything fine. Women are goofballs and you shouldn’t care about what they think or say to an extent. Your best friend here is * abundance*. If you have many options to pick from, you won’t care what one girl says. It’s a snowball effect. The more options you have, the less you start to care and the more confident you begin to become. How to attain abundance? WORK ON YOURSELF. You can’t expect to be macking 9s or 10s if you’re fat and ugly as hell. You need to workout and start taking better care of yourself. Work on your purpose everyday and trust me, do this for 3-4 months consistently and you’ll see a huge difference. Trust the process💪🏽

Stranger_not_danger · 2020-07-17T13:52:28+00:00

Honestly, investing in yourself is probably the best thing. A lot of people wanna be liked. Would you rather be liked for being yourself or someone else you're pretending to be? At the end of the day, if you're being someone else your true self will come out eventually, an then you're back to square one. So yes self investment is big. As far as women, same as I said before, be yourself. There's too many people on this planet that will actually care for you being you. One thing my mom taught me was that you're never alone in this world. Its too big to feel small.

vardarac · 2020-07-17T14:00:09+00:00

It's hard right now, what with everyone outside of NZ being cooped up, but when the quarantine is over I think it helps the most to find groups that do activities you're interested in or curious about. It's cringe as fuck but my closest current friend circle was developed through bar karaoke.

You can talk about the activity with people in those groups and some of them might have good chemistry with you. Ask questions about them, about their other interests, about stuff they've been doing, why to any of it; develop genuine curiosity. If you can't relate, then on your own time, try delving into stuff that they mention and see if you like any of it.

Investing in oneself is more than just the usual get fit, develop a talent, get a good wardrobe, etc. it's learning a wide variety of subjects that help you bond with other people and then practicing socializing with those people. You won't have stuff in common or good chemistry with a lot of them, particularly if you aren't well-practiced yet, and that's okay. Like any other form of investment it will take time to show tangible benefits.

iedaiw · 2020-07-17T15:59:35+00:00

Everyone wants to be liked, thats normal.

Problem is wanting it too much. Everything in moderation

ArmedSquirel · 2020-07-17T19:59:09+00:00

act less needy is obvi answer, thing you can do and that you must do is become self-sufficent, a lot of work on yourself and loving the person you are is needed, be a good listener interesting person to talk with and all arround you have to be center of your world in a good way, you don't need to be liked by someone else to be a man of high value,

once you have all that in place then you can start working on your game with woman,

regardless of where you at with that if you want to appear less needy have more options, I would never focus myself on one woman only, in approaching and dating stages, because i would non-conciously appear needy,

sometimes ruin the set on purpose, i love to do that, when everything is going great blow yourself out on purpose, who cares, go next set

realise that in life "liked" and "respected" are 2 different things and it's always better to be respected than liked

tetraodonite · 2020-07-18T15:09:41+00:00

First of all, congrats for this self-realization! Believe it or not, you are already halfway there. I have suffered from the same thing for a very long time without realizing it.

Most of the comments here come down to "fake it till you make it" or "invest in yourself". The first one I would not recommend for now. I would actually say that you should take a break from women for a month or two (I guess depending on where you live, the pandemic is kind of a good excuse to do this) and actually invest in yourself a little bit more during that time. Once you decide this, you will see how tenaciously you were trying to get people to like you and you will feel relieved.

Best way to do this is to do some exercises, getting a haircut you always wanted but never dared to have it (see how the 2 months break is going to help with this? you don't have to care about women, you can try out anything!), get better clothes, treat yourself with a little bit more crazy adventure like going on a hike alone, drive a rallie car, etc... whatever floats your boat. Just do something out of your comfort zone that you always wanted.

Other than this, here are a few things that helped me.

Next time you find yourself in a group of people, instead of being bored and closed, try to make fun of the situation. Try to make people entertain you. If they don't entertain you, excuse yourself and leave. I was at a party once without knowing anybody there and my friends were late. After having a couple of boring exchanges, I wasn't feeling good at all. I messaged my friend to be faster and save me because I hate the smalltalk here, he just replied "then skip the smalltalk". This is probably the best practical advice I ever got. I was tired of having the same boring questions and answers with dozens of people, so I just started to derail the conversations a bit on purpose. I was teasing, joking like I had nothing to lose, but still with good intentations, I was not hurting peoples feelings... Soon more people started to gather around me and before I left, the prettiest girl at the party asked for my number. It was unbelievable! You will soon realise that often times it wasn't you who was boring, or lame or a loser. You just weren't in the right company, or it wasn't a right company for the mood you were in that time. A little bit of comedic edge helps this point a lot.

Which leads me to my other point. Try to accept your quirks, weirdness and rough edges. People are attracted to each others' rough edges. See how the most influental people on the pop culture always had some rough edges. Steve Jobs and Elon Musk are/were weirdos in their own way. Show your rough edges to people, otherwise there is nothing they can attract to.

Before you go back to see women, try to have a clearer picture in your mind about your ideal. What kind of woman do you want? If this is too hard, think of the opposite: what kind of woman do you don't want? For example I could never date somebody who smokes. Does this mean that I wouldn't fuck them? Probably not, but the relationship would never move past that. Women are very good at picking up these signals. If you signal them that you are not willing to take anybody home/on a date and actually dare to say no to women (or just people in general), they will be attracted to you more.

This last to point was from the book called models btw.

And my last point is that in the long run, you should think about why and how did this need ever developed in you in the first place. The best way to do this is to see a therapist. There is nothing shameful about getting help and you don't even have to tell anybody if you don't want to.

Good luck!

quinnmcd · 2020-07-17T14:29:14+00:00

I think I feel like a lot of my social issues and issues from women is just a strong desire to be liked.

Once you start learning about self-love and first learn to like yourself then you'll start to care less if other people like you or now.

what can you do other than invest in yourself?

invest in yourself literally is the best thing you can do. I don't understand why you want to avoid doing this.

zeikkro · 2020-07-17T15:19:58+00:00

That need to be like comes from your ego. You ego is all the ideas that makes your identity, your autoconception, your name, every cultural conditioning, your nationality, even the way you look doesnt define your value. Nothing of this give you more or less vale as a human being cause that is a fake "you" thats is needed in order to navigate in this physical spac, but is far away from being the real you and is from here where the suffer comes... Cause every attack in something that is part of your identity, a political idea for example, your ego will respond like the body will respond in a physical attack, fight or fight. When you understand you only have to BE, you will unlock a new level of consiousness, free yourself from the idea of being liked, loved, cause if you search it will escape from you, if you just BE, you open the doors for what will make you grow, if you dont you will get into toxic relationchips over and over again until you learn that you dont ask for be liked or loved, you just have to become the best versión of yourself and the rest will just come at you. Love you first, excercise, eat healty, shut up your mind and work on yourself(Sorry my bad english)

shanuv12 · 2020-07-17T16:42:28+00:00

By not giving a fuck

MichaelBravo · 2020-07-17T16:55:57+00:00

There's nothing wrong with wanting to be liked and desired, it's normal.

The turn-off is displaying behavior that shows you care or need to be liked or desired (especially by a specific person).

Be interesting, knowledgeable, fun, etc., etc., and some people will find you desirable and likable without you trying or seeking --- as for the others, fuck them. If they can't see you're awesome (assuming you've become awesome) then that's their problem, not yours.

Odawg20miles · 2020-07-17T18:49:50+00:00

It’s completely normal to have that desire to be liked by a hot girl. Just stay in the abundance mind frame. So even if you don’t have a lot of options act and carry yourself as if you do. Act as if she doesn’t want you that’s cool bc there are plenty of other girls that would.

quirkypinkllama · 2020-07-17T19:13:12+00:00

a lot of it is just doing your thing cause you want to. having an opinion cause you believe in it. doing your things cause you're the one excited about them. live for yourself and not to please others and you'll find a way to be cool in your own skin.

starry_eyes222 · 2020-07-17T19:16:58+00:00

You get over this when you realize people dont care either way. When you try to post something meaningful & people don't respond as much as when you post a selfie. Yeah its reassuring to a point but I guess I just got tired of being only liked for how I looked than how i am and even at that i don't really get that much of a positive response at least not from the women.

I rarely have women cheer me on about how I look good or like my pics but the fellas....yeah I get likes a lot. I realized eventually I was seeking validation more from the women because most of the men on there were dogs or I was uninterested in but the women I wanted their validation because I wanted to be accepted which is something I think I've struggled with a lot growing up, wanting to have a lot of female friends and to feel cool and "in" and its just always been a struggle for me mainly because I realized I'm not meant to fit in.

A lot of things I like: music i listen to, things I'm interested in aren't what most girls (in my area) are interested in so i stopped years ago trying to fit in to get them to like me I just do me however I feel in the moment. I know i probably get judged for it but i dont care. Its liberating.

And the same could be said for always trying to look sexy for guys. I stopped trying to do that too. If I look sexy it's mainly for me & I dont really care for guys who are shallow and only interested in my body and not my mind. I just live my life and post what I want whether people like it or not because it's my little log or diary of events of my life.

X-Centric · 2020-07-17T22:17:07+00:00

Even if you don't believe it yourself: "Fake it until you make it" with self-esteem and self-worth. Believe me, even after starting as jokes, you will eventually believe you're good enough to be liked, loved and everything in between.

dickstellar · 2020-07-17T23:02:53+00:00

I think most comments here have it covered. The outcome independence to do and say things because they make you feel good, rather than for other people. It’s definitely a mind-frame that you can get to through practice

I’d like to add that I notice a huge difference in how I feel towards other people depending on whether I’m working out or not.

Another thing is working towards your career, whether that being studying or reading books that relate to it or whatever. Feeling like you’re following your own path in life makes you feel this trust in yourself that your values are as good if not better than everyone else’s.

HFaten · 2020-07-18T05:40:18+00:00

Alot of women follow men's advices on how to attract men :Dating coaches, https://youtu.be/JdaNmF-vtnc because they know more and have an understanding of the field same goes to women giving advices to men https://youtu.be/Ywpoj0SS0sk , you know who is also great at giving advices gay women. But can I just conclude this comment by saying. Be who you are. Be confident in yourself and act freely without thinking too much on whether or not you're liked or the other see u attractive, know how to hold a conversation, be a better interesting special human. Work on yourself and never be afraid of getting rejected, never be afraid to fail in a relationship. U will get hurt or it will bother u but that's life and that's how we advance and change to be better. Scientific experiences fail many times before succeeding and that's because they keep on working on,them, fixing them, changing them until they find the right formula.

Title	The need to be liked?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	43
Comments	32
Date	July 17, 2020 1:22 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/hsvlhw/the_need_to_be_liked/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/the-need-to-be-liked.1498829 https://theredarchive.com/post/1498829

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