To be clear, there is a lot of manipulative behavior that is promoted when it comes to attraction. It typically involves exploiting insecurity and using subtle tactics to degrade.

However, often times this type of behavior is conflated with being successful with women in general. There’s a perception that success with women is in inherently tied to deception and narcissism.

If a man understands that he should text with restraint, mirror behavior, be playful and tease while still being respectful, utilize subtle touch to escalate emotion, dating as much as many people as possible until a relationship is established, this doesn’t make him manipulative because he understands the true nature of attraction.

Some guys are labeled ‘jerks’, when in reality they simply aren’t Nice Guys, and don’t neglect all other important components of their lives for a woman. They have integrity and are upfront with their feelings, but are still seen as jerks because they have boundaries and aren’t pushovers. Yes, a lot of assholes are successful with women, because their behavior is often confused with with assertiveness and masculinity. However, a centered, respectful man can still be assertive and strong.

There’s a contradictory expectation of men nowadays. Women revile and reject the Nice Guy, but it is also expected to be our default setting as well. When a man deviates from what society tells us is the proper way to win a woman over, i.e. through unwavering devotion despite any behavior she may throw at him, he is traditionally labeled as a jerk.

Remember, a good majority of behavior that is attractive to women runs counter to what society has conditioned men to believe through Hollywood and other forms of media. If you have authentic respect for someone and who they are, and don’t engage in behavior for the sole purpose of getting a specific reaction, you aren’t being a jerk. Especially if you have acted like a Nice Guy all your life, not immediately responding to a text or disagreeing upfront might feel uncomfortable, but it is how attraction really works in real life.