What are "normal" people doing differently?

Clyde_Frag · 2017-10-16T01:31:09+00:00

So dating your high school girlfriend and marrying her is the easy thing to do, and this is what a lot of the "popular" people from my high school did. But I guarantee that a lot of these people have wondered what experiencing different partners would have been like.

And do you know what my friends that have longterm girlfriends ask about every time I see them? They want to know about how the dating apps have been for me and the girls I've been seeing and fucking. It's alluring to them because all they hear about is the highlight reel. They don't hear about the annoying parts of dating that I put up with so they think that being single is only a bunch of highs and no lows.

As to why dating coaches advise you to pursue a lot of girls, that's because this is the optimal strategy for men in dating. Even if the end goal is to get a girlfriend or wife, if you just take the first girl that responds positively to you and put all of your eggs in one basket, you'll A) not be emotionally independent of the outcome of the early stages of dating and B) you'll not be conscious of the options that you would have if you were single and that will play out in the relationship.

If seduction is such a complicated, time-consuming task, how come the vast majority of people seem to have little to no struggles with regards to romance? Is it really possible that everyone else is so much better at this than me?

The answer is it's not easy for the vast majority of people. While it may be true that there aren't many 27 year old virgins, a lot of people aren't fucking/dating the people they want.

Stevpie · 2017-10-16T01:56:43+00:00

Something that I've noticed with people is that they to tend to settle in relationships. I don't know if its because of age or the fear of being alone, but alot of people I know just to tend to settle down with folks who theyre not really attracted to to have that "Family" image.

Forsheezie · 2017-10-16T01:16:58+00:00

They don't worry so much about everything. Relax, have fun, stop putting so much pressure on yourself.

NoloRadio · 2017-10-16T08:45:08+00:00

First of all, get it out of your head that you have to cold approach in order to ever get laid. Yes, it ups your odds, and if done with the correct mindset, it's a useful corrective for confidence problems, but the pressure to cold approach can also reinforce perfectionist thinking habits which are probably over-represented in the average reader of PUA material--i.e., you don't think you're sex-worthy until you check off a bunch of complicated tasks. Realize that a lot of this advice is 'best practices' and optimization. You don't have to be great at all of it in order to try, and possibly succeed.

As to why other people found their partners? Some of it is luck. But a lot of it, I increasingly believe, has to do with how you were raised. Even outside of such obvious factors such as abuse, poverty, being significantly more physically unattractive than average, a lot of this has to do with the role models you were given as a child (parents, family friends, and the public figures and fictional characters who your family etc encouraged you to emulate, and the friends who your family approved of). For reasons reaching back to their own upbringings, some people miss out on any good examples of how to be social, friendly, and confident. People who are those things seem to have some magical quality--but really, what they have is practice, and the advantage of thinking that those behaviors are totally normal.

Finally, confidence builds on itself. Data points that support either positive or negative reinforcement build on themselves.

Oh, and as to why dating coaches advise dating lots of people? For some, this is a tactic to give you experience. For some, it's the result of a fairly twisted need to seek validation through sex. But overall, I think this is a reasonable lesson that dating coaches, along with lots of other confident and logical men and women learn: We live in a modern world with birth control, sexual liberation and vast numbers of possible mates. Are some of those people who married the first person they ever dated happy? Sure. But lots aren't, lots think they're as happy as they can be, but aren't, and most importantly: There's not really a good reason to do so. People grow and change, and sexual/romantic relationships involve a lot of learning about what you want out of them.

I don't mean to insult you, but I think you might be feeling like the idea of 'needing' to date multiple women is weighing you down because you feel like it's a multiplier of the struggles you have finding just one woman. I feel you, and I've been there. A lot of seduction advice (the good stuff, at least) provides an 'a-ha!' moment, but then, having been enlightened, you still have to deal with being, at the moment at least, a dateless 'loser'. All I can say is this: While, yes, there is an opportunity cost to each new relationship, as well as some emotional turmoil associated with rejections and relationships ending, it really is about a skillset/mental attitude, and acquisition of that skillset really does scale--that is to say, once you put in the work, and give yourself the confidence boost of your first couple successful dates or relationships, you will find that it gets exponentially easier.

bound2 · 2017-10-16T03:14:35+00:00

Most, if not all, of those people who just hit it off with the first person they ever met got really damn lucky. They didn't need technique or anything, they just met a person who they clicked with and they went with it.
Stop putting so much thought into it. You sound desperate. Women smell desperation a mile away. Take a few deep breaths, relax, smile, and go chat up someone you're interested in without trying to game her. Try small goals. First goal is to talk to her, second goal is to get her number, third goal is to get a date, fourth goal is to get a second date. Be confident in yourself.

Lambdal7 · 2017-10-16T08:29:10+00:00

Because it's much easier to find someone in high school or college than in the professional life, because social circles are much easier to have and if you're not socially awkward and don't have too high standards you'll find a gf.

Some people are bit socially awkward and insecure and are "late bloomers" apparently including you. Those need to build their social circles now and meet a lot of girls through sheer force. :)

n00b_f00 · 2017-10-16T13:42:48+00:00

Most people glob onto the first aquintance that wants to hold hands with them . Most people are not in the dating scene.

TheBetterManZA · 2017-10-16T16:23:08+00:00

how come the vast majority of people seem to have little to no struggles with regards to romance

The vast amount of people settle for whatever they can get, and even then it's a bloody shit show. You just don't see it because most people don't air their baggage in public.

recyclablebanthas · 2017-10-16T16:59:17+00:00

1

a

Get rid of approach anxiety,

Let's start here. Firstly, it's bullshit. No one ever gets rid of this completely. Only a robot lacks fear. You can certainly cut it down drastically though. Techniques like this can help you tackle anxiety.

b

expand your social circle to dozens or hundreds of people,

Jesus. The way you're CHOOSING to think of this, stresses ME out.

c

go out every day of the week,

Bullshit. Some people do this. I have never done it, as it's completely unnecessary. Good grief; look at what you're doing to yourself here. You're CHOOSING to put this on yourself.

WHY?

d

approach thousands of women,

What the fuck, man? You talk to one woman at a time. Not thousands. Nor do people usually think of it in terms of "It's time to approach thousands of women now." Thinking of it this way even makes me want to not talk to anyone.

e

botch one date after another so you can learn.

And here, your negative emotions are distorting the truth. It is valuable to learn from mistakes. And yet, your negative self-talk would have you believe that this is worthless. When it is invaluable and totally worth it.

f

And that's not even dealing with all the contradictory advice you'll encounter.

What the hell? You haven't listed any "advice." You've listed nonsense expectations that YOU have drawn. Some people might have listed such expectations also, but

g

How come dating coaches and the like recommend dating dozens and dozens of girls when the vast majority of people seem to hit it off with the first person they ever have sexual relationships with?

I could go on, but this and pretty much everything else you've listed, are ridiculous caricatures of reality.

The majority of people? I literally know NO ONE who married the first person they had sex with. Most people I know didn't even have a relationship of any note with that person. Every person in my social circles who started a relationship with the first person they had sex with, well, that relationship imploded in dramatic fashion within 5-10 years of graduation from high school.

2

Scroll back up and check out the video I linked you to. It would be a good start. Then listen to Eckhart Tolle talking with a guy about the power that negative emotions have to distort the reality you think you see.

DirkDieGurke · 2017-10-16T03:39:44+00:00

The first relationship (LTR?) is actually pretty easy because it happens when people are very young. "Kids" are idealists and girls think the first guy they meet is the greatest thing. They actually latch on to any guy that gives them attention. When and if they break up, it is easy to jump into another relationship because they usually have a fresh circle of friends.

So, unfortunately, as you get older, it gets harder to build that bond. You have less friends in your social circle. That's the breaks. Basically social momentum.

You need to put real effort into rebuilding a social circle and meeting new people. That's it, sorry.

ImJustSo · 2017-10-16T13:13:00+00:00

How do you learn best? What methods or strategies in school or work do you use to learn something?

potato_w1zard · 2017-10-16T18:54:30+00:00

All I can tell you is that mental masturbation sure as shit ain't helping you. How about you just go out and try asking for directions. Once that becomes easy try smiling and give a compliment. If you can't even do that , then you need the services of a therapist.

Fortyfs59 · 2017-10-18T23:46:38+00:00

Its funny, I sometimes have the question of "why the hell am I going out and approaching and sometimes feel like I am not learning at all while getting obliterated?" On the flipside, what else would I be doing that is actually more fun and freeing even if it results in getting obliterated every now and then and most of time is because I make myself feel that way.

I don't know if what happens in high schools in the movies actually happens in real life and I always wondered if that was what it was like for everyone that I knew back then. The only experiences I can rely on are the ones from when I started learning PU and I lost my virginity to someone on tinder and I was 27.

However, after 3 and half years and counting so far, I learned so much about myself, emotions, vibes, how to learn, how to let go, fear, humor, realness. It is just so crazy that even recently, while I was in set I somehow was able to recognize behaviors and how some girls respond to different emotions more than others. All the experiences with interacting with people whether it was good or bad and field reports that I wrote popped in my head in an instant. At that moment I realized, regardless of whether I got sex or not, it was worth it. The investments you make for yourself WILL pay off. You really realize how different and far you have come when you take a look at yourself a while back. At the same I noticed the same old behaviors from "normal" friends of mine, some with some success with dating and some not, and realizing they are just as frustrated or more than me. It saddens me that they truly believe that unimportant things like looks actually matter or needing alcohol or other things to prove to women that they are worthy. Even though, it feels like I have crawled through alot of pain and mud, the women that I have connected with they love me for me and that is way fucking awesome.

Title	What are "normal" people doing differently?
Author	SyrusDrake
Upvotes	23
Comments	83
Date	October 15, 2017 10:36 PM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/76m91b/what_are_normal_people_doing_differently/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/what-are-normal-people-doing-differently.1435340 https://theredarchive.com/post/1435340

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