If you struggle to lead things to bedroom with women, there’s a very high chance you’re using one of three common phrases that destroy guys dates and their chances to sleep with the woman.

You see, there are certain phrases guys use on dates that create massive resistance with women.

I see guys using these phrases all the time. They’re very common actually - and most men have NO IDEA how much damage they’re doing.

In this post, I’m going to break down exactly what those phrases are, why they don’t work, and what to say instead so you can actually lead things towards the bedroom in a smooth way.

So let’s start with the first mistake - over the top compliments.

This is you saying - “You’re so beautiful.” / “You’re so gorgeous.” / “You’re so stylish.”

You can swap the adjective, but the structure is always the same structure.

Now, here’s why that turns her off. It makes you look like a hungry dog with his mouth out salivating at the sight of a beautiful woman.

When you put her on that pedestal, it communicates you believing you are below her level. And she doesn’t want to sleep with guys below her level.

So what you want to do instead

First you want to completely shift your attention away from her looks and onto her personality.

Second (and this is key) - you want to keep it tentative, not absolute.

Here’s what I mean

So instead of saying “you’re so beautiful,” you say something like: “You seem cool.”

That might sound like not a big difference, but it works for a few reasons.

One, you’re actually not commenting on her looks - you’re commenting on her personality. So you signal you noticed something beyond her looks and you’re not just like a horny dog that sees only one thing.

And number two you’re not declaring it as a fact - you’re just stating an assumption.

“You seem, not you are”

So you’re saying: I’m here to find out if you actually cool. And now she has to live up to those positive expectations.

The next big mistake guys make on a date is asking a girl “Can I kiss you?”

Now this is bad.

A lot of guys think well im just being a gentleman, im just finding out if a lady wants to kiss me

While in reality women don’t want to be asked if you can kiss them. They just want to be kissed.

Now let me be clear, that does not mean forcing anything or ignoring consent. It’s actually the opposite.

The reason guys ask, “Can I kiss you?” is because they’ve been too afraid to escalate the entire date. They haven’t flirted properly, they haven’t made any small physical moves toward the girl.

So eventually they reach this stage  where they think, Okay… I guess this is the moment I should kiss her.

But they are too afraid, so instead of leading, they dump the decision on her. 

What that really communicates is that a)  you’re not sure of yourself and also b) that you’re afraid to make a real move, so you have to ask for permission to do something that you should have made happen naturally.

And that’s not attractive for girls. A kiss shouldn’t feel like a big, dramatic event. It should just be the obvious next step.

Instead, what you want to do is get small buy-ins throughout the date.

You touch her arm lightly and see how she reacts.

If she’s comfortable, you hold her hand

If that feels good, you lean in closer when you’re talking.

Maybe you whisper something in her ear.

Each step leads you closer and closer towards the kiss.

If she enjoys it and is comfortable, you’re getting consent without making it verbal.

And by the time you go for the kiss, it’s already obvious.

At that point, you don’t ask a question. You just say something like, “Come here.”

She leans in and you kiss her.

That’s much smoother, much more confident move from your perspective, and far far more enjoyable for the girl. 

Because in her mind she is thinking, if this guy can’t even kiss me, can he fuck me properly? If we go to the bedroom, will he ask me for instructions?

And finally, the last big mistake that sabotages dates and often kills all your chances of sleeping with a girl is when you say

“Do you want to go back to my place?”

This is really bad.

When you say that, you’re basically telegraphing sex. It’s almost as asking her directly - Do you want to sleep with me right now? As a matter of fact, it’s pretty much the same thing.

And if asking for a kiss was bad, asking for sex is much worse.

Because you’re forcing an early decision.

She doesn’t know where your place is. She doesn’t know how she will feel in the moment of being in a bedroom with you. There’s a lot of unknowns in that moment.

So even if she was open to the idea of sleeping with you during the date, unless she was 100% certain, now she will avoid the risk and say no.

So rather move things forward in a natural way. Get a series of mini decisions in your favour, not like this one big decision she has to make now.

And a great way to do this is with seeding which just means planting a seed of thought earlier in a date that will naturally lead things to your place.

For example, let’s say earlier on the date you talked about music. You mentioned a song you really like, and she said she doesn’t know it.

Later on, as you’re leaving the bar, you simply say:

“Come on, let’s go. I want to show you that song we talked about on my computer.”

Notice how different that feels.

You’re not asking for permission, you’re also not making it a big deal, you’re not even mentioning sex.

And because you’re not making it a big deal, she’s much less likely to make it a big deal either, so she doesn’t have this massive pressure now.

Of course, she’s not stupid - she understands where things might go. If you go to a guy’s place then things can happen but now it's not so explicit.

In other words, you give her plausible deniability and you add to this “it just happened narrative”.

And it’s good because now the pressure is gone - she doesn’t have to agree to sex now - maybe it happens, maybe it doesn’t but she doesn’t have to decide now.

So don’t telegraph sex and don’t force the girl to make an early decision. Lead things forward step by step, never ever make it seem like you are expecting something and it’s going to be much more likely she comes to your place.