I got divorced about 9 months ago after my ex-wife abruptly moved out about several months prior. She said she wanted to be amicable and that was extremely important to her.  We never fought but we definitely needed to work on our relationship.  She did not want to, she had already moved on and it was too late.  She said she loved me but she was not in love with me… she was gone and it was over.

After she moved out, she immediately started to “hang out” with her ex-boyfriend from before our marriage.  So let’s go back about 15 years or so to that time… She was with this guy for 6 years before we met.  She broke up with him because he was a violent, abusive person.  Soon thereafter, we met, things went great, after a year or two she moved in.  I get home from work one day a few months later and she is waiting for me, telling me that she is leaving me out of nowhere.  Next day is she gone.  Not too long later, she shows up crying, begging me to take her back.  I agree.  The ex-boyfriend then reaches out to me and tells me that she has been cheating on me non-stop with him when we were living together.  She denied it for the most part and insisted it only happened one time.  For whatever reason, I forgive her and give her another chance.  Maybe I was getting too old and felt this was my last chance for a wife and kids.  Part of the deal of getting back together was that she promised to never communicate with him again, talk about him, etc.

Things go great… years go by… we get married… have 2 kids and fast forward to her abruptly moving out again while we are married.  One week later, she is at the ex-boyfriends house (snapchat location).  She claims it was just to celebrate this guy’s kids first birthday and we stopped sharing locations right after.  Throughout the separation, she visited the ex-boyfriend frequently but insisted they were just friends.  She never put an effort towards trying to save our marriage or work on anything, it seemed obvious for that whole time that something else was going on and she was cheating. 

She is now in a relationship with the ex-boyfriend, with whom she once cheated on me with pre-marriage.  A man that has an abusive past.  Also to mention, while this ex-boyfriend is not his parents…. but his father did murder his mother in a murder suicide.  So, between the history of cheating, family problems, abusive history, I am losing my mind with her.  Feel completely betrayed and am highly concerned for my kids well being based on his abusive history.  She says “he has changed” and “is no longer that person”.  Either way, it is wrong to me based on our history.

I cannot describe how sick I feel, it turns my stomach, and eats away at me every day.  Between the prior cheating and presumed cheating (during marriage and/or immediately following separation), lying, and potential abuse, I don’t understand how this is an ok situation, especially if she ever wanted to be amicable.  I feel like if you are someone who “puts your kids first” and wants to excel at co-parenting, you would never entertain this future as it seems like a destructive route.. 

I’ve cut off communications with her and want nothing to do with her, but I know this may not be the best route for my kids even though they may already be at risk or at risk over time…

Am I the one who is supposed to just accept it and let it be nothing?  Maybe it is something that I just need to do for the benefit of my kids but feels so wrong on so many levels.

Any advice would be appreciated …