What Would Your Ideal Relationship Be Like?

RobotPartsCorp · 2014-08-10T20:50:40+00:00

Equal relationship as far as "power" is concerned with special consideration to each persons skills and talent.

Real-World Example: My partner is physically stronger than me, he will move furniture and other manly things like kill spiders. I am better with computers, I counseled him on the best options for his aging computer as well as upgraded his computer for him. I am handier, minor plumbing and electric falls to me, anything more difficult falls to a professional. I am a designer, general look and layout of our place falls to me with consideration of our personal preferences. My boyfriend is a better communicator and facilitator so he will deal with contractors unless something is highly technical, he is a better sales person (literally his job) so he is the negotiator. However, I am the diplomat and practically spiritual adviser, I get him to calm his shit down when he gets too worked up or frustrated.

Finances start separate but can overlap when both parties have shown competency and working to establish a common account for funding the common expenses.

Real-world Example: We split equally the rent and utilities. I pay for only the things that I brought to the relationship (my dog's vet expenses, her health insurance) and he pays his (parking spot since I don't drive...but I plan to pay 33% of the spot when I get my scooter and park it there).

Salaries are equal or balanced, no one keeps tabs, we share, we enjoy the things we want to enjoy with our partner.

Real-world Example: We both make similarly good salaries. We both pay for each other here and there. Going out to eat we sometimes split the check, sometimes I buy, sometimes he buys. Last night we went to a movie and I just paid for it because it was more convenient. I have lent him money and instead of having him pay me back, he paid for several large purchases of mine that probably made things even. We maintain balance but don't keep tabs. Additionally, he gets more bonuses from work which he considers play money. It is his play money and he bought a guitar before, but also he will pay for vacations this way without expecting me to contribute. He would bring me anyway, its a vacation for the both of us since we enjoy each others company.

No children. Career-focused, for both of us.

My Example: In real life, my boyfriend has a teenage son. Totally cool with that. He is a great dad. He doesn't want any more children and I never want to have biological children. I have no problems taking care of his kid if needed, and I would step up to be a parent to my nephews and niece if I needed to be. I am in a good place financially to take care of children, I just never had the desire to actually give birth to them. I take steps to insure a pregnancy never occurs and I would take steps to terminate a pregnancy if I found myself in that situation.

Chores are split fairly, equal ambitions at work, balanced view of hobbies

Example: We both like to cook, so whoever cooks that night is whoever is in the mood to or who has the time. Whoever cooks though does NOT do the cleanup, so the non-chef partner will load the dishwasher. No big deal. Sometimes I require my boyfriend to make me a cocktail or pour me a glass of wine while I cook. Sometimes he makes me chop veggies while he cooks. Either way, we are both around and enjoying each others company and essentially are cooking together. We both work full time at our jobs. He doesn't work as hard as I do but that is because he has really perfected his process but I do resent that sometimes he doesn't understand how tired I am when he sauntered in to work at 11am and left at 4pm. I also do a lot of work outside my office but due to the nature of my work (design) it can sometimes be a hobby for me, a hobby that pays well. He questions whether I had enough "me time" because he just went to the beach while I stayed home reading or working on a design project. To me, that IS "me time". We both enjoy our jobs and we both love to talk to each other about our work, there is some cross-over and we both seem to help out each other immensely.

Social lives are rewarding to both of us, we both bring a lot to the table.

Example: He is extroverted, I am introverted. He has built relationships and networked all over town. I have networked mostly with the artist and creative community. There is a lot of overlap, there has been beneficial relationships on both sides. We have both brought each other useful connections. He is better at maintaining connections (the nature of his work) but I have a lot of trust built up from the creative community through contributions and friendships. People trust me though, I am very warm and approachable. We go to a lot of events together, but he will go to events I don't have energy for because he understands that while he gets energized from socializing, I get drained. He is great at introducing me to people, keeping conversation going and making sure I have a drink right away which all alleviates a lot of the social anxiety I get. He is fucking awesome. I am his arm-candy, I admit. He likes that his coworkers are a tad jealous of his young/pretty/talented girlfriend but I do wonder if people assume we have an unbalanced relationship due to the difference in ages.

We both maintain healthy lifestyles (which also positively impacts our looks)

Example: I run 3+ miles a day during the week in the morning...he sleeps in till whenever. He looks really great though, I don't know his secret. We both eat healthy. He smokes though. I don't like that, and he is trying to quit. We both make sure we on top of our doctors appointments, we seem to care more about our partners health than our own when it comes to that sort of thing, in that regard though, it works out! I am getting more and more fit though, and I told him I would like for him to work out with me. He seriously has a magic metabolism...the bastard. We both look fantastic, we both get hit on regularly if that means anything. More importantly, we both think the other is super hot.

The quality of sex and quantity of sex are at levels acceptable to both parties, equal libidos help that.

Example: This area we could use some improvement on but its still great. He has a crazy-high libido but we worked out how much we ideally want to get. Quality isn't an issue, strictly speaking numbers, we both orgasm nearly every time (him probably 99.9% of the time and me about 95% of the time). Sex is always awesome, for both of us. We both get and we both give. As far as the quantity goes...there are a few things I do to get me thinking about sex throughout the day more, because thats really all I need. We text each other tumblr porn of what we want to do to each other that night. That technique has done wonders for the amount of sex we have. So, we are having awesome sex regularly, but we should have MORE awesome sex MORE!

Fighting should be infrequent, fair and productive.

We hardly ever fight. We had one fight in the past two years and it lead to a great, honest conversation about what we both expected from this specific aspect of our lives and what we could both do to solve it. Every conversation we have is fun, or deep, or passionate, or interesting and every single conversation leads to each other gaining a deeper understanding into how we both think and work. We have never reached an impasse. There is something I notice we both say a lot and that is "we just work". We just do.

TLDR: My relationship is pretty much my ideal. It is awesome in every way. We communicate so well, we love each other, we have fun with each other, the sex is good (would like more). So yeah. I don't know why we just work, we have both had long histories of relationships that did not work due to faults of our own or not. We are both ethical people and we have come a long way to become great communicators. Sexy sexy communicators.

So now that I have written this out, not that I needed convincing but apparently I have a wonderful boyfriend. He just brought home two lobsters though so I am going to kill them and grill them while he plays guitar for me. awww yeah

rredfox · 2014-08-10T17:48:14+00:00

Both are genuinely happy and can last the long haul. However that's achieved is irrelevant. :)

[deleted] · 2014-08-11T13:41:22+00:00

My ideal relationship would essentially be... well, my marriage.

My husband is intelligent, witty, tender, compassionate, loyal, handsome, interesting, hard working, and wildly in love with me. He seems to be warmly disposed toward me as well.

We work well as a team, and work toward common goals. We parent our 8000 children together. We share the housework along a "whoever is home the most" system, which does mean that I do the bulk of cooking and cleaning, but hey, that's life. We have mutually sacrificed to allow me to stay home with the children while they've been young, and we'll mutually sacrifice when I go back to school next year (a goal he's emphatically supportive of).

We indulge each other's weird hobbies. Our sex life is as good as it can be with an army of children in the house, and is satisfying for both of us. We don't have individual finances, just household finances. We've both managed the household finances at different points in time -- right now he's the one doing it, but it was me for years.

There are things I would change, and I think even in the best relationships there are things people would like to change. I wish my husband had a job closer to home, because his commute is hard on everyone, and being a one vehicle family can really grate when he's on the road until well after supper. I wish our financial circumstances were more comfortable (and they eventually will be, when I finish school, but I wouldn't argue with more money now). I wish some of his irritating habits would disappear, and I don't doubt he wishes the same of mine. But all in all, my marriage is exactly what I want, and just as importantly, it's exactly what he wants.

GuildedCasket · 2014-08-11T16:56:00+00:00

The relationship I'm in now.

Communication: The communication is excellent. Yes, we have our flaws when it comes to this, but we can literally talk about anything. We are both very introspective people and we can decipher when something is wrong with either ourselves or the relationship and fix it.
Good, Giving, and Game Sex: We both are willing to indulge the other in any kinks they may have (outside of, you know, scat and crap). Our kinks almost perfectly align and our communication facilitates exploration and adventure, combined with the perfect amount of natural compatibility that makes us able to detect what we can surprise each other with. It's a mix of spontaneity and communication that just works. Neither of us are jealous people, so we can also discuss things that are highly taboo to most people, like involving other people, how hot we find other people, crushes we have, people we're flirting with, etc.
Same Goals: We both really enjoy psychology and are both going into therapist oriented fields. This gives us plenty of intellectual fodder to talk about, and makes it so when one of us researches how we are to advance our careers, it inadvertently helps the other. It will also keep us physically close together because where the job market/university/whatever is good for one of us, it's good for the other.
Same Sense of Humor: We both have very... dark, offensive senses of humor. I don't think I could be with someone who couldn't handle all my terrible and crude jokes, lol.
Equal Say in the Relationship: No one is Captain, no one is First Mate. We just go with whatever we're feeling at the time, whoever feels like leading will do so with the other's input. Both of us are ever ready to compromise and please the other person, neither of us are confrontational. We just exist as a unit, there is no need to have someone who always makes the final decisions because we have always worked our way to a solution that's satisfying for both of us.
Cuddle Compatibility: This one is kind of silly, but I love cuddling and will do it whenever and wherever is appropriate. I think I'd feel kind of sad if my partner insisted on no physical contact if we're around friends or something.

There are claims from both sides that the other is not grounded in reality, and I'm sure that people make bigger claims than they are able to defend because they don't want to lose.

Quite the opposite for me. One of the main reasons I feel confident in my arguments against RP is I have first hand experience regarding how utterly wrong they are about a lot of things, modeled by my relationship.

Kokujinkun · 2014-08-11T17:52:08+00:00

6am: We both roll out of bed and embrace the morning. One of us makes breakfast while the other stretches before we both do yoga together. 9am: We both are outside hiking or jogging to an amateur modelling location. I wanna work with my woman. I want us to accomplish similar goals together.

11am: We have lunch somewhere awesome. Discuss deep, philosophical differences in perspective and life.

12pm: We get back home. Make sweet sensual love to each other.

3pm: We both get on our own computer or go do our own job/passion that we want to do.

5pm: We cook dinner together and then watch some cool documentary together.

7pm: Possibly go to some kinda social gathering for a little while.

10pm: Go home, have our alone time separately from one another before we go to bed.

Then wake up and do it all over again with some changes every which way. That's just me though. That's exactly how it would look. Equal as fuck. We would only move on with one another after we've understood the other person ENTIRELY.

RedPill4LYF · 2014-08-13T02:46:56+00:00

I could be nice and it would be loved instead of hated.

Skratt · 2014-08-10T18:29:34+00:00

Well, long as we're both happy it's good but I have 2 relationship fantasies:

The man is dominant but extremely sweet. I love that. I'll cook, clean, etc. and the sexytimes...won't go too far, but he'd be dominant there too ;D Then he would become sweet and cuddly and all would be well. I like dominance because it's like, he got it. So all I feel like I can just do what I want, cook, sew, etc. while he...goes out hunting. Does that make sense? xD
The man is submissive and sweet; whether he's like that in the bedroom doesn't matter. Submissiveness in bed is hawt too <3 But anyway, so I'll basically do the same as the first time, cook, clean, just feed him food with my fork like a baby. Maybe tease him every now and then, or when I feel lazy have him cook or mop the floor. And we'd have a very cuddly, warm relationship :3 But I might break down sometimes, because I don't have that dominant nature, so we might have to switch up the roles sometimes so I can feel safe or sonethin'.

But keep in mind I like hypersubmissive men, like the innocent type. Not the plain type. That's boring! :P

So yeah. Those are my ideal long term relationships, short term is a new story.

TheTerrorSquad · 2014-08-10T19:06:53+00:00

The one I have. My husband is like a super intelligent caveman that "brings it"

We_Are_Legion · 2014-08-10T21:52:40+00:00

The one I'm in. I have a very good-hearted girl that I don't want to hurt. I think I could imagine growing old with her.

What about her intrigues me or is unique: She's unusually innocent(do not buy into yellow fever, asian girls are usually some of the bitchiest in the world), funny, hard-headed, and she adores me like no one i've ever met before. Its infectious. Not too easy, not too hard. Also, I like being the one with the lower libido for once.

zeroms · 2014-08-12T01:17:31+00:00

She is always down for any adventure, be it going to the woods or going to another country. She is sweet, caring, tender, and weird. I'm a sucker for a quirky girl. Also, she has to be a hopeless romantic like me. Fiercely jealous, passionate, and somewhat insecure. There's something about an insecure woman, how fragile they seem that simply taps into this innate desire to protect them. Shield them from the world. Lastly, but very importantly, she has to be a bookworm and an intellectually curious person.

an_absolute_rose · 2014-08-10T17:53:00+00:00

I want to be in a relationship with a moderately rich girl who knows the value of a dollar. A girl who cooks and cleans because she wants to and not because she has to. Ideally she initiates sex a couple times a week. This woman is not a career woman and instead works part time jobs or has a job she can do online, maybe a writer. She is fit and works to maintain her body. She is pleasant and kind, but has a quick wit and can make and take jokes. But all this is just a dream of some unicorn, I doubt a woman out there has all these traits is available in the appropriate age range and would be interested in me. So instead I hope to train a pleasant girl into a unicorn.

cxj · 2014-08-10T22:54:51+00:00

Im not a workaholic, I chose my field because I can work 3 12 hour shifts a week and still be middle class in California. Idc what yall think of our annoyingly liberal, over regulated government, I will sink into the fucking ocean with this state while waving a bear flag. That being said, I do not want a workaholic gf. I want one who gets that work is a means to an end for me, not some fucking passion. Her job must have flexible scheduling and allow enough time off so that we can both take care of kids, have time together, time for exercise, time for cooking, and time apart, time for hobbies, etc. Ideally shed work in a female dominated industry so she is less tempted by hypergamy and less surrounded by beta orbiters who validate her every complaint about me, and maaculinity will be more of a novelty.

Fitness and nutrition must be a top priority. I do not want our kids being fed a diet of microwave meals because youre too tired from your career to cook. Obesity is also unacceptable. Not only will this ruin your sex appeal but its a terrible example for the kids.

Financially, ideally civil marriage would be abolished so we could have the ceremony without tying up our finances, but if not then no marriage, separate bank accounts etc. I am not risking my financial life to be in a relationship with you, that is abuse. Im cool with wedding rings but no diamonds. Girl must WANT a toned down, inexpensive wedding, im not marrying some fucking princess trying to piss 30 grand down the drain on a one day party celebrating female narcissism. Actually in general, girl must not be a huge materialist. Its ok to an extent but no 4k italian leather couches, that money would be better spent not being made. I guess ultimately, an I would only ltr with a girl who wants a chill life focusing on experiences and relationships, not a hectic life focused on accumulation.

Also, with rare exceptions I am really not that dominant/controlling. Literally every gf ive ever had has told me I am the most relaxed, chill, non possessive bf theyve had. Some of them literally worry that this means im not into them because I dont get mad at them for hanging out with other guys etc. You do what you want, I do what I want, you dont have to ask my permission to do shit. No freaking out over social media either, what I say on the internet is my deal, I dont dig into your browser history so stay out of mine.

That being said, the one exception is the bedroom, where I am hyper dominant. Your body is my property, and I will do what I want to you. Consent is the biggest turnoff. If you arent turned on by being owned in the bedroom, you dont belong in an ltr with me.

sh1v · 2014-08-11T05:01:01+00:00

Perfect relationship in a perfect world, hmm.

It'd be us vs the world. We fought together, bled together, have had each other's backs through hard times and good. We don't give a shit about anyone except each other. Maybe 1-2 close friends and that's it.

I want a woman who wants to degrade me, the way I wanna degrade her. Who wants to own and possess me like I wanna own her. Who's fiercely jealous the way I'm fiercely jealous. I want a woman who, half the time, will be evil, and hateful, and lust crazed, and filthy, and perverse, and selfish, and more than a little crazy, just like I'd be all those things for her. I want a woman who fucks me like it's our last day on earth every single night, just like I'll be doing to her. I want a woman who understands that human beings are more complicated than the dry, lifeless principles some people write about online as if people, and reality could ever be so nice and neat and perfect. I want debauchery, and chaos, and being destitute, and fucking the world over together, and then the other half of the time I want to make and enjoy beautiful things together, and make children, and provide and take care of everyone.

ConfusedTangles · 2014-08-12T00:13:17+00:00

She's good looking and fairly sane and comes to my house ~1-3 times per day, we have sex and she immidiately leaves afterwards.

That's all.

[deleted] · 2014-08-10T18:43:03+00:00

She does whatever the fuck I say and isn't a whore.

masterrod · 2014-08-10T22:30:15+00:00

What does would your ideal relationship look like if the world were perfect?

Scheduled sex, one main lady I love.. regardless of what happens .. scheduled sex with up to 10 extras no maintenance ladies..That I'm allowed to call in at any time....8 or 9 kids

What relationship do you realistically hope to achieve?

Lady I love and don't want to kill

How are they different and why?

Scheduled sex is impossible. Most people aren't happy with multiple regular extra partners.

So, how much do you believe that you are right when you aren't backed into a wall?

?

What do you think you believe because it makes things easier, makes you feel better, or makes relationships navigable?

Most problems are small and have solutions. You don't have to be best at relationships to do well.

Title	What Would Your Ideal Relationship Be Like?
Author	ConfusedTangles
Upvotes	7
Comments	83
Date	August 10, 2014 5:42 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2d5t0e/what_would_your_ideal_relationship_be_like/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/what-would-your-ideal-relationship-be-like.285124 https://theredarchive.com/post/285124

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