Deciding between two men

Amazing_Grapefruit29 · 2023-12-15T16:28:19+00:00

From what you wrote here, it seems like you never truly liked guy A. He was always your second option because the other guys were more exciting or something else.

Think about what you actually want, sometimes they guy is not as tall or handsome as we would like but can provide security, stability and support. While the other guy might be more exciting and more our type but cannot give us the stability we want.

Ask yourself what you want more at this point in your life. What’s your timeline, would you want to be married in a year or still trying to talk about it with guy B.

I think those are important questions to ask yourself and be truly honest with your answers.

SunshineSundress · 2023-12-15T17:55:26+00:00

Honestly, if you have chosen so many other men over Guy A, and you are STILL unable to want to be exclusive with him now and are still torn between him and another guy, it sounds like you are not very attracted to him and are only interested in him because he is a good match on paper and because he wants marriage.

You said in a comment that the reason why you chose other men over him is because he was not masculine enough for you in comparison. Think about the long-term: is this man masculine enough for you to submit to and respect all of his decisions? Would a truly masculine man still accept a woman who has rejected him multiple times for multiple other men? Will you not get distracted or swayed by more masculine men that you come across after marriage? You sound quite hypergamous, which is not a bad thing necessarily (I’m similar) but it makes it more difficult for you to truly respect a man and stay loyal to him unless you view him as a catch.

The founder of TRP and RPW has often said that if you are torn between two men, the answer is usually neither. The man who you will be satisfied with is one that compels you so much, you naturally drop all of your other options because they pale in comparison. However, it seems like you have ALWAYS dated multiple men at the same time and that you have trouble maintaining lasting relationships and attraction, so I’m wondering if your way of keeping your options open is ultimately a detriment in the long run for you - it makes you unable to be satisfied with any one man because you expect a man to have the all the best qualities of all the men you’ve been with. In reality, such men don’t exist because men are still humans and there is no way a man can fulfill EVERYTHING you want and need.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2023-12-15T18:22:51+00:00

You clearly don’t like guy A. Stop toying with him when you get bored and just choose guy B.

Ok_Outside149 · 2023-12-15T16:21:34+00:00

why did you choose the other guys over Guy A in the first place? That seems like pertinent information

LiteratureSome7958 · 2023-12-15T21:44:31+00:00

I would try to look at it from a mother’s perspective. If guy A was your son would you want your son involved with you? Would you encourage your son to move on or stick around and wait for you?

Leonhart93 · 2023-12-15T20:24:04+00:00

Be honest, you don't really like Guy A romantically, you just fear not having him around as a backup. It sucks to be someone's 2nd option, but at this point he is like what, your 3rd or 4th option? There is no way I can be optimistic about the odds of such a relationship.

Prudent-Quarter714 · 2023-12-15T22:50:39+00:00

Stop dating 2 men at once for starters lol

I will never understand the logic behind dating a bunch of people seriously at once, it’s why you’re confused

Leave guy a alone once and for all and try you’re shot with guy b

I have a feeling you don’t really know what you want and either way you might end up leaving either guy so what does it really matter Choose the one you haven’t left in the dust 3 times already 😭

kendrac83 · 2023-12-15T16:34:32+00:00

Having read your post history, if Guy B is the guy you were dating 4 months ago, then you should choose Guy A. Guy B sounds like he doesn't really want to be a dad again or take that risk/responsibility?

Agreeable-Comedian24 · 2023-12-15T16:40:12+00:00

It seems like Guy A is a done deal. If you two enjoy your time over the holidays and agree to be a couple you could be married in less than two years. It sounds like he’s successful with room to grow, enjoys and respects you, and can give you the life you want. Guy B is new, so essentially a stranger, and he could also be dating other woman and you may not be the one he chooses. Only you know if that’s a gamble you’re willing to take.

aussiedollface2 · 2023-12-15T22:01:21+00:00

You need to stop dilly dallying around and pick someone and try see if it will work properly. Guy A? Try be exclusive and make it work. If not, you can move on. I think your tendency to keep “back ups” is holding you back.

CourtZealousideal980 · 2023-12-16T00:48:21+00:00

sounds to me that you really like a few things about guy A and he's a great guy but feels like you can't really see your self with hi otherwise i would think you wouldn't keep picking other people over him. so sounds like you already know you don't want guy A you should let him move on so you can both find someone you want to be with.

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AutoModerator · 2023-12-15T16:11:30+00:00

Title: Deciding between two men

Author chrissycash

Full text: Hi RPW community! It might be too soon for this but I can’t help myself sometimes, I get anxious about the future and like to have a rough idea of the best solution.

Currently dating two men.

Guy A is someone I’ve had an on and off relationship with spanning a few years. At the time I was also dating someone else and chose the other person over Guy A. I even got married to him before it ended in divorce after a few years. I reconnected with Guy A only to choose another guy over him but that relationship ended. Once again Guy A and I happen to reconnect -bump into each other while traveling for the holiday- with the intention of really giving us a chance. He asked me to spend Christmas, NYE, and his birthday with him and I agreed. He let me know his timeline for marriage: one year of dating and then marriage six months later. He supports my decision to be a SAHM. Currently he is a VP at a private company but has goals to be in the C-Suite. He also lives on the opposite coast so when I told him I was strongly considering staying on his coast for a few months so we can properly date he let me know he really likes my idea. Lastly, he made it very clear to me while he likes me a lot there will not be any more chances if I terminate the relationship like I’ve done in the past.

Guy B is a new guy I’m dating. I like him, we get along great, lots of chemistry, and we both want marriage and kids. He supports my decision to be a SAHM and is currently a C level executive at a public company. He hasn’t made any plans to spend the holidays with me.

As I type this post it’s clear to me Guy A should be the only true contender but we’re not exclusive so I’m keeping my options open. However keeping my options open has led me to choose other men who turn out to be the wrong men for me over Guy A.

I would still appreciate any and all feedback/ advice on this post.

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Vapelord420XXXD · 2023-12-16T09:04:37+00:00

Guy A should get a better woman

Title	Deciding between two men
Author	chrissycash
Upvotes	0
Comments	37
Date	December 15, 2023 4:11 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/18j3lyr/deciding_between_two_men/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/deciding-between-two-men.1240837 https://theredarchive.com/post/1240837

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