The Story of My LTR

GayLubeOil · 2017-05-10T09:53:03+00:00

Let me explain the phenomena of OneItis.

Most men never invest time to develop themselves as men. Sure the do the whole school career pipeline, but they never take the time to push their physical or mental limits to develop their leadership ability or to grow into their masculinity. In their heart they know this. They know that they arnt masculine or confident or anything but a worker drone. They know this. They know how they stack up with other men but they choose to ignore it.

Then they meet a woman and use their love as a means to distract themselves from their inadequacy. Everything is going to be okay cuz I'm in love! They hide from their weakness via love.

But women they see the truth. A woman can't risk a pregnancy with a foot shuffling, soft spoken indecisive beta male. Eventually women figure out who you are and get the fuck out before they get inseminated with loser.

So now you don't have the love drug to distract you from your weakness. You have to look within yourself and challenge yourself to grow. That's the real problem here. You think the problem is the girl but the problem always has been you and now I just rubbed your face in it.

SkorchZang · 2017-05-10T05:21:42+00:00

I just feel sad and empty for letting this relationship sink.

That's normal dude. The feelings, they go wild. But they're just feelings for you to feel, they aren't you or your essence or your truth. You can take your sweet time, sit with all your squirming feelings in your lap, and just feel them all through. No need to think up theories, or fantasies. It's good to just focus on the feelings one by one and feel them without fear. Normally you try to barrier yourself on autopilot from strong feelings, this is the exact opposite- repeatedly taking the time to unbarrier everything and courageously feel like shit, all the way. Just you, one on one with the universe. If you give your feelings some of this treatment by giving up, and removing the normal barrier, then they dissolve and you feel a strange high, a strange happy clarity from it.

You don't realize yet that the relationship is ALREADY sunk. You and her aren't "letting" it happen, it simply already happened. It hit rock bottom long ago, with you unfortunately completely unaware of it. What you're seeing now is like the bubbles that surface violently after the thing has fully sunk.

The bottom line is: this is nothing personal. For sure, she isn't a "bad person" or anything like that. Nor are you. This is how all women act when they successfully turn you into a doormat. It is good, that is how they should be acting. What happens is, you turn into her doormat thinking that will please her, she thinks so too (our whole culture is about giving the woman everything she wants), but then her actual woman instincts kick in. The instincts are finely honed by millions of zillions of years of women being women in the wild, and they generate an incredible amount of insecurity & resentment in her towards you, when it is observed by the woman that you're a doormat (i.e. weak, powerless, broken). You're acting like a child in her eyes, i.e. you're vulnerable and need her more than she needs you. Her insecurity is all about having made a BAD REPRODUCTIVE PICK. This is very important and good for humankind, this helps women go find a "better pick" while there's still time for her to reproduce.

You can imagine millions of scenarios: you were the perfect man, but one day you break a leg or get eaten by a sabretooth tiger. What's a woman supposed to do??? Just give up and cry herself to death? Nature has provided women with a way better answer to this situation - automatic amnesia, loss of "feelings", and irresistible desire to go look for new men when this happens. Don't worry too much about what she threatened to "say that you wont' like", that's likely just about the new men who pay her attention, which she encourages and manages tenderly, like a good little shephered of men.

It's worth repeating, this is not personal or about you as a man being deficient, in any way. Other women going forward are going to be perfectly happy to make you their pick (for a time). The amount of time you can enjoy with each woman depends on your red skills in woman-management, something TRP can greatly equip you for. It can be that simple, if you boil it all down.

TRP is here to make you realize all these things, plus the fact that you don't necessarily need to leave her entirely. You just need to exit from your exclusive arrangement with her. Drop the news like it's a done deal, because it's not a negotation, she doesn't have any say. You have now become a nonexclusive couple, which will absolutely enrage her, at first. Act completely nonphased and if she doesn't like it, there's the door babe. No one is holding her up. Tell her you still think she's a great girl and companion, and your door's always open for her, but you just need the space to figure things out, understand yourself better right now.

The respect you so badly miss comes back through shocks of this type. You can gradually shock your girl back into shape, back to how she was when you first met and she had no say, no control over you. That way you can get your balls back from her purse, and she can be a lot happier too, if she sticks by you. If she doesn't, then that's just fine too - you'll find someone new. Never let her see you sadface, moping or defeated.

SasquatchMcKraken · 2017-05-10T04:46:05+00:00

I know this is cliché TRP advice, since you're the one with an emotional connection and I'm some asshole in another state behind a screen. But honestly: I'd drop the bitch. I used to have this exact same problem. I'm a chill dude and never get emotional: point for SasquatchMcKraken. But I often confused being chill with being lazy, so when I had strong-willed girlfriends I'd let them walk all over me under the guise of "not caring" or having a "long fuse": two points for the bitches. Game over. It was arguably my biggest pre-TRP problem.

You've been this chick's doormat for so long, and with such intensity, that if you rose up now it'd probably just piss her off, and she'll wind up ending the relationship on her terms (possibly with a bit of cheating involved too). Her impression of you has been heavily entrenched. Even for superpowers, there is such a thing as an unwinnable war. Sometimes disengagement is the only sensible course, sunken costs be damned. Personal relationships aren't all that different. You're a young dude with a seemingly bright future. You don't owe this brat any more of your time and effort (I actually lol'ed at the chocolate egg thing. Holy shit what a child she is). So I'd say drop the bitch and find some plates to spin for awhile.

gideon_zotero · 2017-05-10T10:44:58+00:00

Dude, learn to fucking win.

You broke her frame...repeatedly....Congrats, but that's just the start.

You need to give her a frame to follow. You can't expect her to just know how to behave- unless she is an alpha widow.

She came back to you, she demanded you lead her. Repeatedly.

' You better stop acting like a child or I'm going to tell you something you won't like'

'I can't deal with this tense situation longer', 'you have to figure out your life' and 'we'll talk about this later'.

These are alpha tests. Value tests. She was saying: ok big boy, wanna dance, let's dance.

Scoffing and laughing isn't setting the frame, it's just you breaking her frame. And then you left her hanging

If she doesn't have any other emotional patterns, and has no experience in behaving properly she will just be frustrated.

When she turns from emotionally mad to calm mad, you need to tell her what you want. Calmly and unfazed. You tell her what you deserve(implying who you are).

And generate that frame from her position: You can't handle these tense situations...I don't want that either, so we should just break up. You do not respect me and treat me like an equal. I want a girlfriend that earns my respect trough her behaviour and attitude. I'm sorry for not making this clear earlier, but I though I can look beyond your behaviour and still be in a relationship with you despite it. But you were right, we can't go on like this, just making one another miserable.

We can dissect this all you want and I will explain every element even those that might seem like concessions or apologetic. But they aren't they are just a velvet glove around a iron fist.

Her objection would probably be: how am I not respecting you. It's bait. It's her making you wine.

You keep to your frame... And that's the problem. If you can't see how you treat me... I'm afraid we have no common ground to work from.

Note: give her a window to respond and accept your frame: leaving or submitting. You are not looking for understanding or her building upon that frame her own solipsistic rationalizations. Dismiss with your patented silence any reaction other than acceptance.

After the window closes, leave...don't be mad, don't be disapointed, be neutral. Just leave.

THIS IS SETTING THE FRAME. THIS IS THE MARK OF AN ALPHA. keeping your cool in extremely tense situations. This you can not fake. This earns you respect. This forces her to decide if she wants a beta bux and has to move on from you or embraces the scary new world of polarized relationships.(and it is terrifying for a young woman to engage in a relationship with an alpha, because that presumes that she surrender emotionally to you)

[deleted] · 2017-05-10T13:48:28+00:00

I don't know if I can handle it anymore, I'm considering leaving her almost daily.

This isn't the type of person you should be committing to in a LTR and you know it. Your subconscious is trying to repeatedly tell you that this person is a risk for you and that you deserve better. You said it yourself:

I need to be with someone who respects me

I always thought I could put this relationship back on track, she isn't just a girl I fuck, she is something more.

You have oneitis. You are telling yourself stories because you wish that things were one way. But they're not that way. The stories you tell yourself about her are just that. STORIES. And they are not congruent to who she really is.

Let me tell you something. As much as men on here bitch about women, and often times rightfully so, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO SETTLE FOR THIS. There ARE women out there that will treat you better than this. DON'T SETTLE FOR THIS.

Last Point:

And outside of her episodes K is a good companion and friend.

^{^} If this statement was the other way around, and it was a woman talking about her boyfriend that abuses her occasionally, would you tell her to stay or leave?

Stythe · 2017-05-10T15:00:32+00:00

Let it go. You've written this post solely to heart confirmation that the decision to end it is the right thing to to. It is. Even assuming she's a great person, you two clearly aren't compatible. at this point. You'll feel shitty for a while. You've invested time and money it her. She made you happy as well, but you're realizing there's a clear lack of respect and that you're worth more.

Let me share this. I was at a buddies this weekend. This man is a brother to me. He fiance is pregnant and they're getting married next month. While I was there, he ordered pizza. He mistakenly got the wrong sauce on it (she likes garlic sauce, just not from THIS PARTICULAR establishment) and she blew up at him for this mistake. Then when he got upset for a mistake he didn't kow he made and was being berated for, despite buying pizza with the money HE earned because he is the only one of them who works, she screamed at him saying she wasn't mad at his mistake, but his attitude was the issue...

That's the future you have with a girl like this. If you have to question it, its not working.

The ate I've been seeing for the past year on the other hand is in school, works at a gym, gave me a membership to the gym, pays for things, defers to me whenever were together and asks my permission and opinion on things. Shes got her issues, but treating me like shit has not been one of them.

Do what you know you should do.

shitwiththatass · 2017-05-10T04:00:06+00:00

She probably cheated on you bro. Even if she didn't, she's being very disrespectful and you either want or deserve better.

She told you about dating someone else because she fucked him after you two got together and wanted to have a valid excuse of "oops, we were monogamous?"

Dump her without reason. If you give her a reason, you prolong it and give her a reason to think less of you.

Mr-Ed209 · 2017-05-10T17:46:47+00:00

The problem is you and how you've been so weak for so long in the relationship already.

The girl I've been seeing tried to pull the 'you never do anything for me' crap early into seeing each other when I wouldn't get a bus to pick her up and drive her car home. Id just started reading TRP at the time and couldn't believe the trueness of it. I ignored her messages and denied her calls all night.

She ended up driving to my place and crying. She tried to reiterate her point to which I responded 'im not even going to start with how ridiculous you're being, go home' and I went to bed.

She went home and apologized profusely the next day and bought me lunch and beer. Ever since she never tried anything like that again and the 'drama' between us has been minimal. The point I'm making is I can't imagine how dreadful that relationship may have turned out, if in that instance i'd caved to her petty needs. Your post goes someway to showing what can be avoided.

Andreas1871 · 2017-05-10T05:21:21+00:00

Thanks for sharing your story bro, and I am sorry you are going through this. I've been in a similar situation before. Every little stupid thing I did wrong, like forgetting to turn off a light or forgetting one item at the store just caused hostility from her. If you are not familiar, what helped me, was reading John Gottman's research on relationships, he's been doing this for something like forty years. The worst enemy of a relationship is contempt. Once that sets in, there is no way back. So you have to really talk to her, figure out if this is temporary frustration or real contempt. Look Gottman up, his stuff is online. I hope this helps.

fstrizzy · 2017-05-10T15:24:08+00:00

Seems like everyone's told you what to do. But the the whole "men aren't supposed to show feelings" thing isn't necessarily true and I need to elaborate on that because it's something I've dealt with in my life. I'm a really passionate guy. I used to be very emotional too. Well, I was when I was in my late teens and early twenties. It has naturally lessened with age. There is a time and a place for feelings. I speak from experience because I was a highly sensitive and emotional guy in my younger days. It's true that you shouldn't show any feelings to a girl though. None. No adoration, no gifts, nothing romantic or sentimental. Literally nothing. That I can say is true. They may tell you that they want you to open up, but it is the ultimate shit test. It's a way for them to get inside your emotions so they can shit on you once you've invested more than they have.

I used to pour my " feelings " and passions out to girls and boy that shit is the exact opposite of what you're supposed to do. But to act as if there are no feelings is a quick way to die inside. You can express your feelings through various different forms of art and exercise. Most dudes are actually way more sensitive than they try to appear. No one likes to admit it but it is true. Men are the sensitive ones. Women are not. Men are more designed for compassion and sensitivity than women. We feel more than women do. We can sympathize with other people. Women legitimately can not. They are the most selfish creatures ever created and don't forget that. You will be MUCH better off once you fully internalize that concept. You can use their selfishness to your advantage. Never allow it to become a disadvantage to you in your future relationships.

Rakosnik · 2017-05-10T15:35:53+00:00

"I need to be with someone who respects me" think hard about this one dude!!! Then ask yourself whether you respect yourself in the first place. Where are your boundaries? Do you have any? What do you do when your manipulative gf keeps shiting on them?

shivatalwar · 2017-05-10T03:51:17+00:00

Do you have sex with her? How Often? Is it good sex? That is literally the answer to all of your questions.

aBetterNation · 2017-05-10T18:33:54+00:00

So happy to see you had the courage to post here.

Its rough man, I stumbled here years ago, maybe one day ill write a post on how myself. Went from being $14/h worker to 6 figures. Unfortunately I got married and had a kid, but I've turned our relationship completely around.

demeck · 2017-05-11T12:22:47+00:00

Not going to get too deep into theory here. Plenty of that below.

Here are some practical things you can try:

Turn her into a plate. Find another woman you can spend some quality time with. She doesn't need to know this, and it may challenge your assumptions about whether you REALLY want an LTR with this one. It's safe to say, you may actually come to regret investing as much as you have already.

Have friends and hobbies that you can devote time to. When she acts up, be too busy for her. The key here is to have activities that you REALLY enjoy. It's very important you're not just doing it to avoid her. If you don't already have those hobbies and networks, use this time to develop them. Stay busy until she comes back with a submissive attitude. Do this a few times, and her behavior will change. If it does not, she's not LTR material.

loofy_goofy · 2017-05-11T12:43:55+00:00

Just get out of here. You said it - no respect, well it won't change except you removing yourself out of the picture.

Read about oneitiss everything, that's huge red flag in your story. The other one is that you probably don't like being doormat. Try to become the person you'd always wanted to be.

I couldn't swallow the pill for 2 years - I read everything, think it through, but still there was my oneitiss. It went and went till my relationships deteriorated to the degree when it's absolutely no possible to have anything meaningful together with her.

And then comes freedom. I felt depressed for a while. Felt lost. But then - then you finally feel like you are making YOUR OWN decisions for your own life. And it feels so fucking good.

Good luck.

NightwingTRP · 2017-05-10T13:24:19+00:00

I don't think she is a bad person in any way,

Are you joking? When a cunt acts like a cunt, you call her a cunt. Take that pussy off the pedestal. Bitch is acting like a bitch. Now call her behaviour shitty and call her a bitch because that is what her behaviour denotes. I notice the naturalistic fallacy used a lot around here. Just because her behaviour is natural, doesn't make it either acceptable or "not bad." Don't fall into that apathetic trap.

I'm considering leaving her almost daily.

Then leave her. Nobody else will find your testicles for you. She literally demonstrated one of the most astonishing cases of Briffault's law described here. 15 seconds after you do a massage for her, when you won't turn out the light, you "never do anything for her." This isn't typical female behaviour to be quite so brazen. It's borderline mental illness and you should call it what it is. Unacceptable levels of mental illness that you're not going to put up with.

Essentially the real problem here is that she's got herself a nice little beta boy to look after her. She's satisfied with that until a better deal comes along. Given your legal course etc, she might genuinely be looking to run a serious AF/BB on you in due course.

' You better stop acting like a child or I'm going to tell you something you won't like'

Don't give ultimatums, they're pointless.

Essentially you've got a relationship here where you're seen as a beta and no matter what you do, it's unlikely to change things. Either learn to lead and command immediately and refuse to tolerate any more bullshit... or leave her. Because there will be more bullshit as you attempt this change.

FruitSalad1010 · 2017-05-12T04:07:43+00:00

I have experience of this. Some of this may be of use to you.

When you are shit tested like this it is a sign you are failing at your manly duties and it's time to top them up.
When you are shit tested like this she needs leadership. Most likely she does not know that this is a shitty relationship skill or worse she does not care (more on this later). Perhaps her primary care givers were a bad example and she learnt it from them either way excuses are irrelevant what's important is it needs fixing. Fortunately you are a man that knows relationship skills exist and are important. Fortunately for her you are a man that knows that men AND WOMEN require these skills and fortunately for her you are a man that can teach these skills.

The solution is classic leadership. As captain set a goal for your team to agree upon. E.g. "Our goal is to be happy and enjoy each other's company" otherwise what is the point.. Get her to AGREE. If she won't agree to goals which are in the interest of all your team this is clearly a fuck you and she goes in the bin with rest of the trash. That is the difference between not knowing about relationship skills and not caring to employ them.

Iron frame, when unreasonably shit tested her needs go to the bottom of your list. I don't mean first you then her. I mean first you, then the 9 billion other people on the planet that don't give you shit, then the millions of animals and insects on the planet that don't give you shit, then the garden and all the inanimate objects on the planet that just exist but still don't give you shit, THEN her.

When shit tests take on a childish frame i.e. do something for me I am perfectly capable of doing myself (turn off a light) they require the parental response. Perhaps her parents didn't set enough boundaries when she was a child, too bad guess it has to be you to make up for it or not, your choice.

Here is the part of understanding. When she is behaving like a child these are essentially daddy tests. The benefit of daddy tests to her are two fold. They are a natural form of sexual selection. If you don't want to pass them i.e. she pushes you to the point of leaving she has spared herself the risk of signing up for children with a flaky alpha. If you do pass them and bat that shit test into the next universe she regains confidence that she is with a suitable future daddy. Either way she wins, the only way she loses is when you behave like a beta are ordered around and now not only is she not rid of you she is still dating a guy that is weaker than her and can be ordered around. This makes her feel bad, urgh, yuck, how creepy. Lets double down on the shit test and hopefully get a better response.

In a dichotic fashion she offers up another hot shit test hoping you will succeed. 'I can't deal with this tense situation longer', 'you have to figure out your life' and 'we'll talk about this later'. The day a girl is done with you isn't the day she shit tests you it's the day she isn't even offering them up and just lets the gardener go balls deep instead.

The dilemma. What does she bring to the table, is she worth teaching? This is set according to your own personal goals and values. Set your own internal limits when they are not met move on.

Shariabluew · 2017-05-12T14:02:28+00:00

In the infamous words of Tom Leykis (who you should listen to on youtube by the way):

DUMP THAT BITCH

zeroshujin · 2017-05-12T22:50:58+00:00

Almost the same thing happened to me recently. IMO it's impossible to recover from all the blue pill things we did in the past, make her respect you again and also really hard to change our weak mentality with her still around. I tried but keep falling again and again in the same shit.

Just cut it clean and start again with your new knowledge. I'm doing it.

Vesperous · 2017-05-18T00:41:19+00:00

Next that shit man, she's a bitch and hot or not, you shouldn't deal with any of that shit, you should've dropped earlier. There are more out there for you and our rp brothers are probably banging some right now, it's up to you to do the same.

BestSC86 · 2017-05-10T14:43:15+00:00

Lots of responses throwing stuff at the girl but really most of the problems are the OPs and his weak nature.

I mean really I am trying to picture Genghis Khan or any alpha getting upset and HUMILIATED because a girl complained about not getting a damn chocolate egg...you want to know why you got this shitstorm of a relationship with this girl? That was a alpha\manliness test which YOU fucked royally by letting it "humiliate" you like a little girl. How is this chick supposed to submit to being a pleasant, submissive GF when her man is a weak sapling unable to handle even the most simple of things. She instinctively figured out long ago that she has be dominant otherwise when the marauders come pillaging your village her man would run screaming to the hills and she would end up the fucktoy for the entire band of pillagers.

It is likely too late with this chick...but having such a weak disposition that you allow something as stupid as a chocolate egg "humiliate" you is only going to cause the exact same thing to happen with any girl you come across in the future.

Title	The Story of My LTR
Author	bminuscplus
Upvotes	26
Comments	57
Date	May 10, 2017 3:31 AM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/6aaeeh/the_story_of_my_ltr/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/the-story-of-my-ltr.43123 https://theredarchive.com/post/43123

Comments