Wife has substance abuse problem

Aaren_Augustine · 2017-04-25T18:31:19+00:00

Always told my dad that mom never experiences consequence.

Not after she started falling asleep in the middle of sentences.

Not after it was obvious she should in no way be driving around.

Not after she got black listed by a bunch of medical practices.

Not after she started looking like an Asian from all the plastic surgery.

Not after she had a huge cabinet of methadone and oxy.

Not after she spent 30k in one month in walmart.

Not after she left my dad.

Not after she took him back because it was too hard without his money.

Give all the excuse. maybe then when your two year old calls you up in his mid thirties you can try like hell to NOT sound like a shell of a man.

Scurvemuch · 2017-04-25T18:51:22+00:00

why are you allowing your children to be exposed to a drug addicted zombie bitch?

thats really the only question .

Addicts need to want to change - apparently exposing kids to shit behavior is ok for both of you

redmountainpill · 2017-04-25T18:07:08+00:00

More people die from prescription drugs than heroin. You have to get your kids out of the house. This isn't an MRP thing. This is just life. And your bigger problem is that you don't want to divorce a drug addict.

Terribledragon4Hire · 2017-04-25T17:53:32+00:00

Some people have to hit rock bottom before they will make a change. Sadly it sounds like that to me.

There are local resources you can talk to like NARCANON. I would start there. I would also start compiling a legal case, as bad as it sounds it is better to plan for the worst case scenario.

Maybe you need to talk to her doctor about where she gets her script from. Perhaps imply that you are questioning their professional integrity.

How does she get to her moms? Does she drive while high?

LBEB80 · 2017-04-25T20:42:42+00:00

Whats your name and address? I will call CPS for you, since both of you are failing as parents.
Fuck dude.
I would instantly kick the bitch out (she can stay at her moms or wherever), file a restraining order against her, and then start the paper work for a divorce. DONE.

TheFamilyAlpha · 2017-04-25T19:03:23+00:00

She knows I'm serious when I say I'll divorce her for this shit and she still does it.

She still does it and you didn't divorce her, so you aren't serious.

This is your wife man and she is struggling. I don't know you or her, but to see you even hint that dread might be the answer seems to show that you have no fucking clue what you're doing.

She needs help, not to be shunned or ostracized.

My wife was struggling with the stress from her work and I noticed she started drinking just to relax, then drinking all the time.

I didn't lay dread, I sat her down and explained to her that numbing the issue was weak and that she had to face it head on and that I'd be there with her while she did it.

Something is causing your wife to numb her life, maybe it's you, maybe it's the kids, maybe it's her past I don't know.

but you need to find that out if you want her to face that demon head on.

stonepimpletilists · 2017-04-25T18:45:35+00:00

Well it's only oxycondone, so its NBD. I'm sure the kids won't pick up the habit. My mom used to have us hang around crackheads growing up, didn't see a problem with it either, because it was perscription crack.

addictedtoyourface · 2017-04-25T19:34:39+00:00

When I discipline my kids I tell them "I discipline you, because I care. If I didn't care, I would let you continue to do the bad things you're doing and you would suffer worse consequences later on."

I don't like disciplining my kids, but I do, because I care less about the suffering of their current punishment and more about the future suffering they will encounter if they continue the bad behavior.

atlhart · 2017-04-25T19:46:57+00:00

She knows I'm serious when I say I'll divorce her for this shit and she still does it.

The fact that you are still married to her SHOWS that she knows you ARE NOT serious that you will divorce. The cognitive dissonance in your statement makes my head want to explode. I want to reach through the computer and slap you silly.

Kick your wife out. Send her back to her parents. Send her to the Intown Suites. Who cares. Get rid of her. Tell her y'all can talk again when she's 6 months clean. Maybe she can move back in at one year clean. Give her exactly one more chance, and state that clearly. If she falls off the wagon even one time, file the paperwork and next her. Document everything. Take pictures of the bottles, of the prescription forms, the reciepts. Document when she gets high. Make a digital, password protected, journal. Back it up in a location your wife doesn't have access (your work computer, the cloud, somewhere). Document everything. Trips to rehab, to drug counselors, everything. Document that time she might have been high and the baby had to wait 10 minutes for a diaper change. EVERYTHING.

Addicts will suck you dry. They are vampires. Cut your losses before you waste years of your life, and damage your children's childhoods with an addict mother.

Big_Daddy_PDX · 2017-04-25T23:10:08+00:00

You are making empty promises and she knows it. Once you become serious about actually divorcing her, then she'll make the decision for you by self-selecting. It will be easy. "Here are my expectations (you draw out specifically which behavior stops) and here are the divorce papers." Anything else and you are only deluding yourself. I spent 15yrs making those false promises. The moment I followed through, she self-selected and now we're divorcing. Easy.

knowncitizen · 2017-04-25T18:11:07+00:00

Until you stop letting her back into the house she will not change. Until you stop protecting people from her she will not change. She still has some falling to do before she hits rock bottom. She needs consequences to her actions. Dread will not work as she really doesn't give a fuck about anything but the pills. Next time she goes to mommy cause she is high get a restraining order and change the locks. Shock her into recovery mode. I'm an Alcoholic, 3 yrs sober so been there.

screechhater · 2017-04-25T21:15:05+00:00

being a man comes with certain responsibilities

Becoming a father comes with the absolute responsibility of protecting those children @ all times, including from their mother

Don't let your children become a statistic, you will never forgive yourself

atlhart · 2017-04-25T23:32:39+00:00

I read your edit. You cannot fix someone, and you cannot fix an addict. You cannot discipline them. You cannot do anything for them.

Addicts only recover because they choose to. Trying to fix an addiction is the deepest pit in the world to fall into. An addict that hasn't chosen to for themselves to seek recovery will fail you and betray you every time.

You cannot take responsibility for an addict. It will take you down. You will lose.

BigAjax · 2017-04-26T00:03:22+00:00

Among your many obvious problems is that you are suffering from the illusion of control. You "need to know [you] did everything [you] could"? Bullshit. You're fucking weak and codependent. She's a junkie from a family of junkies, with a brother who is dead from being a junkie. You have zero control over her and her life outcome. What you can control is your life and the environment your kids are raised in. Let me make this real clear for you: in every way that matters, she is gone and there is no use thinking about what it might take for her to come back, in the short-term or the long-term. I watched my brother waste his life waiting for a junkie wife to turn back into a useful human being. It's an ugly fucking ride for everyone, especially the kids.

Maybe she was once a good person, maybe that good person is still lurking deep inside her, but all she is now is a machine that's looking for the next hit. If you had a fucking brain, you'd realize she's one of the walking dead and there's a good chance that it's just a matter of time before she ends up on a slab or just gone in the wind. She can't manage her chemical dependency and you let her in your home, around your kids. Your only mission right now is to get your life re-set so that your kids have a chance at a normal life. Get your fucking head on straight about what really matters and who you are really responsible for, and then do what the situation demands.

BobbyPeru · 2017-04-26T00:34:02+00:00

I don't think she would stop for Brad Pitt

She has to want it for herself, and she has to get ongoing help. It has nothing to do with you.

I'd look at an ultimatum at this point with a strict time frame to get clean and a strict time frame to stay clean. Maybe a wake up call... Most likely not though TBH. You just have to keep working on yourself and being awesome in the meantime. Keep those kids safe above all.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-04-26T02:04:32+00:00

This doesn't require Red Pill.

This requires Narc-a-non.

Triadis3 · 2017-04-26T03:04:23+00:00

Set a damn boundary for fuck sake.

You're enabling her by allowing her to continue the behaviour, so why should she stop?

She stops the pills or she leaves you and her kids. Period.

Unfortunately she'll probably choose pills over you, but there is no other way. At least she may have some remorse.

Don't be Captain save-a-hoe.

Get yourself and your children out of this toxic and dangerous situation.

FireTempered · 2017-04-26T03:14:50+00:00

She's hooked really bad, I don't think she would stop for Brad Pitt. She goes to a clinic with councilors, but that doesn't help. I'd hate to divorce her, she isn't doing illicit drugs, just prescription pill abuse.

you answered your own question.

Act now before she or one of the kids dies. You have a choice to make here. She quits the drugs, or, you and the kids evaporate from her. Hard boundary that if she fails will be enforced without mercy.

You are in the situation that if it was a war, when the bright shiny medals come out if your succeed. Of course, in war not everyone survives. If you don't succeed , you will be reviled for many lifetimes by your children and your children's children, whose lives you wrecked by not acting. Your family, and anyone that knows you will lose all respect for you.

But luckily, you live in a society that gives participation awards to victims.

HERE'S YOUR FUCKING VICTIM AWARD.

Now decide if you have what it takes to be a real hero to your kids, if you are just another whinny little bitch.

UEMcGill · 2017-04-26T12:41:10+00:00

Document it. Put new locks on the door and serve her divorce papers. Tell her she can come back in your life when she's sober.

It really is that simple.

dbthrowaway_090909 · 2017-04-27T13:15:24+00:00

How do you discipline an addict, just short of divorce?

You don't. It's not your problem. You have much bigger problems than worrying about your martial status.

Look... she's drowning and she's going to take you and your 2 kids down with her and you're going to just sit there and let it happen because you're too scared to do anything.

You need to light this up right now, today. Not tomorrow, right fucking now. Call everyone in the family and tell them. Tell her parents what is going on. Tell your parents what is going on. Tell all your friends. Tell all hers. Get yourself a therapist. Find one in the phone book right now and call them right now. Do you have brothers or sisters? Call them now and and tell them. Call in sick to work and get this started today. You're kids are going to die if you continue to hide this because you're ashamed.

If you can't do any of that today, call CPS now unless you want to go buy a new suit at walmart for your kids funerals. Sorry babies that I let your momma kill you because I was too much of a pussy. You both can sleep in the cold, cold ground forever while I pussy away the rest of my life being a pussy about how much of a pussy am I.

I don't know if you need to divorce her or not but your house is on fire and YOU refuse to call the fire department. Fuck, man... if I knew who you were, I'D CALL CPS ON YOU MYSELF.

Get off the internet and start calling people for help.

rsdsheikz · 2017-04-26T04:08:36+00:00

An ultimatum alone won't work (i.e. asking her to quit or it's the end of your marriage). Her addiction currently clearly overpowers her will to quit and she has rationalised her need to take the drug over all else (that includes her being a good mother to her kids).

Unfortunately its past the point where you already have kids. I feel for you man. But keep in mind, she's still the mother of your kids and it would be far better to make it work rather than end your marriage (provided this is the only issue in your marriage)

My advice:

It's not worth dragging this on forever. Give her the ultimatum as others suggest BUT make it known to her that you're willing to give her a solid chance to quit. In her attempt to quit make it your absolute number 1 priority to make sure she succeeds, at least for the sake of your kids.

Addictions are not impossible to get rid of, I have a very addictive personality and had a few addictions of my own that I managed to quit cold turkey when I made the decision myself (ultimatums I was given did not do the job, I continued regardless). That being said, not everyone of capable of quitting in this manner so do your solid reading into finding scientifically proven ways to quit. She needs to see reason and be convinced herself there's a need for her to change in order to be successfully motivated to abstain from abusing the meds. Keep in mind not all meds can be stopped abruptly.

Considering looking into and treating the underlying cause of why she's abusing her medication. E.g. If its boredom or depression help her find ways to get out that cycle and see the light at the end of the tunnel.

It may also be worth notifying her doctor of this as it's his duty to minimise the risk of abuse in his prescribing practices. Once her access to the medication stops she'll either have to ration her use (ie use as prescribed), learn to quit or find alternative methods of procurement (unlikely for most in the short term).

drty_pr · 2017-04-26T06:06:06+00:00

You realize the statistics of childern becoming addicts when the parents were addicts?

You realize how easy that Rx addiction can become a sucking dick for meth behind the corner store addiction?

You realize the very real danger you are putting your children in because in the mind of an addict they will rationalize all sorts of fucked up shit to get high?

You realize that her not respecting your threats to nuke it all to keep her away from her kids is her begging you to take the kids away so she doesn't do something stupid?

You realize that you claiming to have lingering "white knight/blue pill" tendencies is really just making excuses for you being a scared little bitch to make a decision?

You realize that if you wanted everyone to jerk you off in some pitty party and paint you as a victim, you're in the wrong place?

Fuck off!

weakandsensitive · 2017-04-27T04:52:57+00:00

She knows I'm serious when I say I'll divorce her for this shit and she still does it

Are you divorced? If not, how serious can you really be?

Hollow ultimatums are just that.

Why posture if you aren't going to back it up? Do you even have the papers?

Title	Wife has substance abuse problem
Author	Downhere_Seeds
Upvotes	2
Comments	61
Date	April 25, 2017 5:41 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askMRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/67i573/wife_has_substance_abuse_problem/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askMRP/wife-has-substance-abuse-problem.206238 https://theredarchive.com/post/206238

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