Children and discipline

exbp · 2014-12-29T15:40:04+00:00

I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old. I also have a 3 year old black lab (I've included him for a reason).

You need to assert yourself as a consistent leader. It will be difficult in the beginning so it kind of depends on your kids age as to how smoothly this goes over.

If they're older you need to sit them down and tell them that you are now going to be holding them to a higher standard. They don't need to know you are taking over for an incompetent wife, it's irrelevant why what matters is what is changing.

My kids are younger and I've had them in line since birth. Just like my dog (here's his appearance) I trained him to respond to my commands. He knows when I say no it's no, when I say down he gets down, sit = sit, etc.

I did this by never changing the line I drew. There are no exceptions when it comes to feeding, begging, sitting, etc.

I don't feed him from the table, he doesn't beg.

I make him sit before I put his leash on, he doesn't jump around.

I make him follow commands before eating, he listens and is obedient.

The same exact thing applies to my kids. My 5 year old asks to be excused from the table, they both will never receive anything unless they say please. Even when it is as simple as "Can I go outside?" I will tell him no and explain that until he learns to use his manners he will not receive what he wants.

They both have learned to say please, thank you, and not make messes without cleaning because I am consistent - every. day.

Most Importantly - You have to be the example. You have to clean your messes, use your manners, make your bed if they have to make theirs. Get outside and be active if you want them active.

Don't turn into a fucking drone always on the computer or looking at Reddit when you could be reading them a book. You exercise then they'll exercise. I got my kids a foam barbell with weights, I taught them form and what exercises do what.

I'm not pushing a fitness nazi bootcamp, just letting them emulate me as that's what kids do.

You have to make this happen, whether your wife is on-board or not you have to hold her accountable to following through with your guidelines. You can't say no then have her say yes it will create inconsistencies between you and your kids and ultimately a rift between everyone.

nopbeentheredonethat · 2014-12-29T18:19:49+00:00

I also need to take this over from my wife because, quite frankly, she sucks miserably at it.

This is how I did it for our house. First I had the opportunity to have the house and the 4 boy's to my self for about a month (send your wife for a "well deserve" vacation to your in-law if you have to.

Once you have the kid for yourself you'll get about a week to get thing straight in out and IMPOSE a routine. They are going to trow a fit and be very hard to control for the first few day. Impose punishment and reward good behaviour. The best reward is one on one quality time. Don't spoiled them with material stuff but with attention and fun activity.

Second week reinforce the routine and reward good behaviour. The house will become calmer and more fun for everybody when everybody is settle down.

Now for the hard part. When your wife come back explain to her the new routine and rule of the house. She has to be on-board. This will only work if the house is not a steaming pile of mess when she come back! She will see that the kid are better discipline and it will be hard, even for her hamster to rationalize other wise. Explain... NO tell her that she can't contradict you ever in-front of the kids or she is out! this has to be very clear that you are not going back to the old day. This step demand a good dose of outcome independence and you have to be ready to actually do it. (Women will smell your bluff so don't bluff!)

Anyway that's the way I did it. It's still not perfect but it is way better than the way it was one years ago.

BluepillProfessor · 2014-12-29T17:03:56+00:00

According to Athol Kay (MPBUH) one of the most erotic things a man can do with a woman is to be a man and properly discipline the children. You are correct that women suck at this task- witness all the criminals in training (a/k/a kids of single mothers).

I took charge by writing out a set of policies for my nearly out of control teenager. I set the conditions and the consequences- missing assignments at school means he is grounded until they are made up, grounded means no friends over and he doesn't leave the house. I told the family in writing that I would support my son and be on his side SO LONG as he got good grades. If he didn't, he was going to lose that support and the consequences of losing that support would be dire. No more friends over, no X-Box, no keys to his car except to drive to and from school and so on. I also contacted all of his teachers and put together a plan with open and direct lines of communication.

TLDR: Write it out, be reasonable, get input from your wife and from your kids and enforce the standards.

GentleGiant350 · 2014-12-29T17:16:25+00:00

Be consistent, be firm, don't let them have their way, don't allow bad behavior (whining, arguing) sway your determination, and most of all, make there be consequences if they don't listen or are disrespectful. If you don't want to spank, then fine, go with time outs and taking away favorite toys for a while.

But the upshot is that you should never, ever, EVER take crap off your kid that you wouldn't take off an adult. If that crap comes your way (and it will) then there need to be consequences.

Don't feel like you're being a jerk, either. Children absolutely positively REQUIRE boundaries to be happy.

Here's a link to a post that fits this really well.

<a>http://notboutthing.blogspot.com/2014/01/parenting-101-teaching-your-kid-to-not.html</a>

frothyhaha · 2014-12-29T18:29:27+00:00

I have to jump in here and ask if there is anyone that is trying to do this with step children?

I have two step daughters that are in their teens and I've been married for 5 years. I have only just begun the red pill journey and, it has had great impact, so far, with my relationship with my wife.

But, one thing that happened a while back that had more to do with my wife than my step daughters was, I stopped disciplining\correcting them. My wife would come to their rescue and it became me against them and it had gotten VERY bad.

I don't interact with them a whole lot now... they may have something to do with me stepping away from being so involved in all their activities and such as a result of the tension between my wife and I... Not only were we at odds on disciplining them, but, I also had no say in their activities (how much we spend... how much time we allow them to invest in said activity, etc). When we kept butting heads, I finally decided that, since I don't have a say, we split our accounts and I will contribute what I feel is acceptable to their activities.

I asked one of my step daughters, before things got to where they are now, how her relationship was with her father... she described him as a big teddy bear... both she and her sister adore her father. I get the sense that he wasn't much of a discipliner... neither is their mother.

Me, however... On several occasions, I have been disrespected.... walked away from during a conversation, asked them to do something.. they do not, ignored when I am talking to them, etc...

Just curious if anyone else has step children and has any insight they can provide on what they found to be effective...

Sorry OP, I dont mean to hijack your post...

Thanks again to all for your support.

RBuddDwyer · 2014-12-29T21:37:31+00:00

My advice, as someone at the older end of the spectrum, and a recently rehabilitated BP: get this shit sorted out while the kids are still young enough to be moulded. I spent the last 15 or so years being Mr Beta Bucks provider and working stupid hours instead of dealing with what I honestly knew was wrong with my wife's parenting. Consequence is I now have teenage and older kids that are weak in many ways, and it's pretty hard to get them to change. It's pretty hard to get her to stop mommying them too, but I'm working on it.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-01-01T05:40:07+00:00

Just dread game them, neg them, and use physical punishment as necessary. Same as with your wife.

[deleted] · 2014-12-29T18:00:48+00:00

Everyone's situation is different but I came from a big Irish Catholic family. 8 kids. Mom wasn't a typical Irish nag. She was very nurturing and kind and not great at discipline. We didn't want to disappoint her but she would let us get away with a lot.

She could be this way because dad was so feared (the way they feared God in the Old Testament). He was 6'7" and probably 260. He was huge and he made it pretty clear he wasn't interested in being our friend. He was our dad. Mom would maybe give us 3 strikes. Strike one was telling us to stop. Strike two was telling us she'd tell dad. Strike three, which she rarely had to use, was actually getting dad.

You can't just magically become huge but you probably can enhance your physique. Do what you can with it. Make sure the kids know of your physical power. This won't (and shouldn't) solve most of the problem but it helps.

phoenix_md · 2014-12-30T12:26:37+00:00

A red pill man deals with his kids just like he deals with his wife. Maintain frame and Outcome independence. Consistency is crucial to limit Fitness tests, but there will always be Fitness tests. Respond to every Fitness test with negative rewards until they show complete submission. Once they show complete submission, give them positive rewards. Do not keep records of wrongs. Keep a watch out for Loyalty tests and maintain the relationship with comfort Beta. Lead and they will follow.

I have three kids under 10 years old. The first is a breeze, but the second two are very strong-willed. Being with those two kids was miserable until I applied the RP principles above (ironically my wife discovered and taught me these principles which I now apply to her).

The main differences between applying RP to your children versus your wife is that:

1) you can demand submission from your children, but your wife has to choose submission
2) to demand submission you must sometimes apply oppressive negative rewards such as timeouts, restraining (such as holding them), or spankings.
3) you are directly responsible for the safety of your children. Obedience is not just a desire but necessary to protect them.
4) there is no benefit to staying quiet about your authority or the techniques you are using

Applying RP to your children is just as difficult initially as applying RP to your wife. I suggest you choose a weekend where you can completely focus on the child(ren). If you have many children then choose the oldest since there will be a trickle down effect.

Start by giving them an order. Once they disobey stay on them until they show complete submission. They will throw a tantrum with kicking and screaming. Put them in timeout. If your child is like mine, he won't comply with timeout and instead run out the room. Track him down and restrain him with your arms and legs. I like to restrain my young child by putting my legs over his (one leg over his two legs and one leg under) so that he cannot squirm away. I get on my iPhone while he kicks, screams, scratches, pinches, spits, and bites. I restrain him further when necessary to not allow him to harm me but otherwise ignore him by being on my phone.

To be released he must say, with a smile and with complete submission, that "his job is to obey." In fact that is the only rule for our kids: You must obey us at all times.

These battles have taken as long as 6 hours. He will try all sorts of ways to not say the words including saying them incorrectly, out of sequence, under his breath, not looking at me with his eyes, etc. Once he finally submits, I have him stand up and immediately give him an order such as go pick up that item or pat your head. If he does not comply then it is back to restraining. Repeat as needed.

A magical thing happens once they finally submit. You see their body relax, they smile, and they demonstrate genuine love toward you (This is the same way your wife will respond to RP when you do it right). Immediately go back to giving them positive rewards for their obedience. Do not waste time punishing them further. They have already shown you complete submission so there's no reason to ground them or take away a future activity.

Spend the rest of the weekend with them at your side. Enjoy them and let them enjoy you by having them participate in whatever activity you are doing. To be clear, you do not need to spend the day doing kid activities. Work on the house, do chores, read in the office. But have them close to you so they can bond with you and also so you can correct any disobedience immediately.

For the next several weeks continue to keep them physically close to you then gradually let them have more distance from you as they continue to show obedience. The more consistent you are, the less tantrums (Fitness tests) you will encounter. They will often be a honeymoon period where they enjoy this new relationship, but then they will try to revert back. Repeat as above until complete submission is reestablished.

As to how to convince your wife to do the same, simply do the above and she will eventually notice the positive change in the children. She will naturally come to you for guidance and you can then teach her.

Title	Children and discipline
Author	RBuddDwyer
Upvotes	4
Comments	30
Date	December 29, 2014 3:22 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MarriedRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/2qps81/children_and_discipline/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MarriedRedPill/children-and-discipline.202741 https://theredarchive.com/post/202741

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