Today I exercised my only reproductive right.

spagma · 2012-11-13T00:46:26+00:00

Some background:

I am 38 years old, and have been married for 12 years. We have two children of our own, and are raising my niece as well. My wife is unable to have more children due to having a partial hysterectomy. Since this was the case, there was no need for any further contraception.

A year after we were married, my wife was caught orally pleasing my best friend, by his wife. She told me about it immediately after it happened, and apologized for it. I decided not to let it destroy our marriage, and stayed with her. I am happy with this decision as I later found out she was already 5 weeks pregnant with my oldest.

Things went well for a number of years, I didn't hold it against her, never once threw it in her face, and I gave her my complete trust. Anyone can make a mistake and I was willing to forgive her for it.

A few months ago I found out that my wife was caught by her family after having sex with another man last year. The whole family evidently knew about it and kept it secret from me. I only found out when one of them was angry with my wife and alluded to it to get back at her.

I confronted her about not being faithful, and to my surprise, she not only admitted to having an affair, she admitted to one I didn't know anything about.

After all was said and done, she admitted to having sex with 3 different men in the last year. One being a hookup at a bar on a ladies night out, and the other two being people she knew and hung out with on the weekends while I was home with the kids.

As much as I appreciated her honesty, it was far too late. I couldn't trust her any more, and there is simply no path to forgiveness. I had been 100% faithful to her throughout our entire relationship, in fact I have never cheated on anyone, ever. We sat down, discussed the options and have mutually agreed to a divorce.

We are still in the beginning stages of it all, and are working out the details of separation. I don't hate her, and we both realize that we are going to be in each others lives due to having the kids together. It's just time for us to move on.

Realizing that I am going to be re-entering the dating world soon, I opted to exercise my sole reproductive right. Considering the circumstances, I have not informed my soon to be ex-wife of the procedure, nor anyone else for that matter, and I have no plans to do so. It is not reasonable for her or anyone else to think that we may still have children together (or possible for that matter), so I do not feel anyone else has the need to know. We are not sexually active with each other anymore, and I am not planning on being sexually active with anyone until the separation is in place.

I opted to get it now, as it takes a few months to be effective, and I saw no reason to wait until after we have separated, no reason to risk it.

skintightmonopoly · 2012-11-12T23:28:26+00:00

Hope you have a speedy recovery!

spagma · 2012-11-12T23:57:02+00:00

What's your age range? I'm mostly curious how much flack you got from doctors about having the procedure, as they tend to be hesitant to do it on men in their 20's or 30's. Also, did you get any sperm frozen?

nathan8999 · 2012-11-13T04:39:27+00:00

Are you sure the kids are yours?

pk_atheist · 2012-11-13T13:08:46+00:00

I'm pretty young (mid 20s) and I've been thinking about getting one. don't really wanna have kids and should I change my mind I'd rather adopt. it's such a shame how many kids don't have a proper home, and I'd kind of like to skip the nappy changing part.

yeah I said it

littletinyraptors · 2012-11-13T13:30:56+00:00

It takes a real man to confront a situation like this with such a level head. Kudos to you, and good luck.

crashline · 2012-11-13T15:27:04+00:00

I'm going in for my own in about 10 days. Not for any situation like your own (my condolences btw).

Did you do the no-scalpal one? How painful/uncomfortable was the actual procedure?

How has recovery been? Can you sit up?

I'm really anxious and worried about my own. I'm hoping you can help.

ErasmusMRA · 2012-11-13T00:04:16+00:00

Congrats. Unfortunately this is how far we must go to have control of our lives in today's world. I'm interested to the answer to Alleggro's questions down below.

wishie · 2012-11-13T03:21:30+00:00

If there were more options of BC, like the pill or RISUG, would you have opted for one of those instead of something permanent like the vasectomy?

I'm curious about your response op (or other people that will read this).

spagma · 2012-11-13T10:37:13+00:00

Are you going back for a check up to see if the procedure worked? Did they let you put some sperm aside in the event that you would like to have children again? I ask the second question as I am 25 with no kids, and I have to intent of having them. I've been considering a vasectomy, but I would like to have a back up plan since sometimes, people do change their minds.

MechPlasma · 2012-11-13T02:33:54+00:00

I just felt I needed to share it with r/MR

Okay, so for the vasectomy, sure. But did you really need to share the fact that you were cooling your testicles with frozen vegetables while you were typing that?

rightsbot · 2012-11-12T23:26:19+00:00

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glassuser · 2012-11-13T15:13:01+00:00

I was talking with a friend about this today. Get some of my soldiers put on ice, then get snipped.

themarts · 2012-11-14T05:44:42+00:00

did you store sperm before going for the operation , just in case?

spagma · 2012-11-13T03:16:16+00:00

[permanently deleted]

T-rex_with_a_gun · 2012-11-13T16:59:53+00:00

does it hurt like hell still?

Roddy0608 · 2012-11-13T17:11:31+00:00

Shouldn't the prevention of reproduction be called deproduction? Therefore, we would have deproductive rights.

Title	Today I exercised my only reproductive right.
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	80
Comments	84
Date	November 12, 2012 11:25 PM UTC (13 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/1339az/today_i_exercised_my_only_reproductive_right/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/today-i-exercised-my-only-reproductive-right.1009361 https://theredarchive.com/post/1009361

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