Paternity test established me as the father, my Child Support payment gets established tomorrow. No crazy story here, just a one night stand with a girl...just asking you guys to wish me luck in this scary time.

mberre · 2012-08-16T05:34:22+00:00

I dont suppose that you could sue for custody of the child? She seems like an unfit mother.

AnnArchist · 2012-08-16T07:04:59+00:00

Ask for full custody?

And your parents are less likely to forgive you for NOT telling them than for telling them.

Don't be a fucking idiot. Tell your parents. This is a human child. Their grandchild.

HERE_HAVE_SOME_AIDS · 2012-08-16T04:58:06+00:00

Be strong, brother. You have a kid, and, regardless of whether the mother sucks, you have the chance to be an amazing dad, and that's no small thing.

Your life isn't over. It's beginning.

But...get a paternity test!

Bobsutan · 2012-08-16T03:43:35+00:00

Good luck!!! I understand about the conservative Russian parents (I'm Ukrainian). I wish you luck with the hearing and the kid luck in their new family!

GreenVoltage · 2012-08-16T16:44:49+00:00

I don't exactly understand how this is a men's rights issue, I'm not trying to devalue your situation, because having a child before you're ready is very scary.

I don't really understand how sleeping with someone and being responsible for the child that happened because of it is a problem, regardless of how many people she also slept with. I mean I realize she was doing it to have a kid like you explained in your story, but how is it any less of your fault because she was sleeping with other guys?

It really sucks that this happened and I feel bad for you and your situation, but I don't really understand how supporting a child you created is a rights issue.

Again I really just don't understand, I might not understand all the components that go into child support or something, and that ignorance is my bad, and I'd appreciate someone explaining it to me.

Edit: If you'd like to downvote me then please answer my question first.

shitezlozen · 2012-08-16T04:08:00+00:00

I want to wish you the best of luck. I can also understand what it means to be in a conservative family, but it would preferable in my opinion to be upfront and know what kind of support, if any, you can expect rather than building the foundations of a lie that will define you for the rest of your life regardless of whether you keep it or not. Once again best of luck!

2012-08-16T11:46:25+00:00

Best of luck mate.

2012-08-16T10:42:39+00:00

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2012-08-16T06:37:20+00:00

1300 a month after taxes. You can earn this much teaching English in Asia. You probably want to try for now, but if it gets too bad consider bailing.

cuteman · 2012-08-16T06:46:06+00:00

Always wear a condom

alecbenzer · 2012-08-16T05:27:03+00:00

Do you want to share custody? Could you try and pursue that?

edit: Or push for adoption? I'm not sure how feasible any of that is.

rightsbot · 2012-08-16T03:40:18+00:00

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mayonesa · 2012-08-16T19:53:09+00:00

If we insist on equality, both partners are equally liable for birth control.

2012-08-16T14:04:52+00:00

Sorry, buddy ... but you look like you're screwed.

According to modern law, the father's reproductive rights end when he ejaculates. After that, she has all the say; and he has no say.

There is one possible solution, though. Join the military (if you are able). You get guaranteed food, housing, healthcare, and eventually money for schooling. You will still have to pay her child support; but at least you won't starve or go homeless. And your pay will be more than $1300 month.

In fact, when I was in the service, I knew a guy who purposely keep screwing up so he wouldn't get promoted because his 'baby's mama' got a percentage of his income ... and he kept his income as low as possible to keep that support as little as possible.

2012-08-16T05:20:20+00:00

Good luck man. I feel really sorry for you. Hopefully it goes ok. We are all concerned for you.

nwz123 · 2012-08-16T14:08:34+00:00

Well, you had no say on whether or not the child was born, so why not take an active role in its life? Seek custody; be there for your child's important moments. Don't let your legal emasculation as a male stop you from preempting your move. Take initiative!

ENTP · 2012-08-16T15:57:02+00:00

I'm so sorry this happened... Good luck in this trying time. We're here for ya bud!

mordicaii · 2012-08-16T16:02:06+00:00

To quote Commander Peter Quincy Taggart: "Never give up! Never surrender!"

Fight for the custody of your child, do everything you possibly can to get sole domicile. Damn the Torpedoes. The mother is clearly unfit to raise a child. You're a bit young, yourself, but you have a job, finished high school, and have plans. She doesn't. Use that information to your advantage.

Your parents will likely be very disappointed, perhaps even a bit angry. I would be shocked, however, if they kicked you out. They know you have no place to go, if they evict you, then they are the unfit ones. Grandchildren do weird things to people, they will most likely help you through this.

I salute you. You may have fucked up, badly, however, if you do this right, you can make up for it. Be the best dad you can.

My-Work-Reddit · 2012-08-16T16:07:10+00:00

So, what are the rights for the man in a case like this? Some chick says the baby is yours, you say it is not. Can the courts force you to get a DNA test? If you don't want a DNA test, can the courts force you to pay child support even if it is just her word against yours?

speaker_for_the_dead · 2012-08-16T16:33:23+00:00

You certainly have my sympathy and wishes for good luck.

That said it would be beneficial for you to contact a lawyer now. They money you spend now can save you a considerable amount in the future. You are fortunate she is not working. You should speak with your lawyer to make sure you are not required to pay child care on top of the child support because she does not work. The child care costs in my experience were more than the support.

While I do feel sorry you made a choice you would not have if sober you are still personally responsible for your actions. Im not saying this to beat you down but to illustrate you had a role in the creation of this being. Your main priority now is to give your child a quality life. I know being a parent isnt easy and being a single father is incredibly difficult but I assure you it is not a life ending event. You have a chance to build a bond with your child which is something that should be your main focus. You can and will perserver and when the time is right you can push for full custody.

rainbow-flavored · 2012-08-16T20:00:58+00:00

i have been told if you go to the courts and establish you want to pay child support u can lock in a lower percentage that gets taken from you versus a larger amount ... i wish you luck

Ma99ie · 2012-08-16T15:36:08+00:00

Pay your child support - be a father. Have a happy life.

arcainic · 2012-08-16T03:47:57+00:00

Good luck dude. Shit happens, just don't let it keep you down or make you resent the kid.

Shit likes this makes me realize how we have almost no reproductive rights.

IanTTT · 2012-08-16T11:56:02+00:00

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2012-08-16T08:31:57+00:00

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2012-08-16T21:47:53+00:00

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AnthonyZarat · 2012-08-16T12:50:49+00:00

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MRMRising · 2012-08-16T18:12:23+00:00

She has no job, or intention to get one.

Now where have I heard this before?

(They are VERY conservative Russian parents) and I already know there is no magical way out of this..

Are you a Russian Citizen? Maybe it is time to go back to the Motherland?

2012-08-16T21:50:50+00:00

You're pretty much shit out of luck, unfortunately. This is a big point that MRAs need to focus on. Push for legislation to allow financial abortion and legal paternal surrender before 19 weeks post-conception. That's the only way men can ethically get any sort of justice.

2012-08-16T13:04:08+00:00

Flee to Qatar or China, unless your excited about the rest of your life being an indentured servant to this girl.

She can choose to keep the baby, and you got no say. That's a violation of agency. Flee.

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