Exercise: Learn to take yourself out on a date

This self-love exercise is particularly meant for those who try to recover from love-bombing after leaving an long-term abusive relationship, especially when you are struggling with social anxiety. However, it can - and IMHO should - be an integral component of a healthy relationship with yourself. No matter if you are single or in a committed relationship you should always be happy with yourself first and foremost. Nobody can or should relive you from this "burden".

Men, even LVM as long as they have their shit together (at least slightly), do this this all the time. They don't call it a "date with themselves" tho. The reason I chose this term is because women face different socialization that men. When we go out alone it is implied that our only reason to do so is to meet a man. A date should focus on the person you are engaging with. In this particular case that's you. By labeling it as a date I want to highlight that this exercise focuses quality time.

Step 1, Know your boundaries: Decide beforehand if you would be open to engage with a man if one were to approach you while you are out alone. Are you willing to interrupt your public you-time when a supposed HVM chats you up? If so, under what conditions? Personally won't do it, at least not the first few times, as it defeats the purpose of the whole practice. But ofc that's up to you. If you are at a cafe/bar you could compromise by giving him your number (if he asks) but don't allow him to sit at your table/invite you on a drink. FDS is against coffee/drink dates for a reason and a HVM wouldn't impose himself on you like that.

Step 2, Find your place: What do you want to do? Think of some place you always wanted to visit with your ex yet he never took you there. Now is the time. The high rope course next to your city, a small but romantic trip in a rowboat at the local pond, visiting the new hookah bar in town, a 4 courses pick-nick after a small hike, that cutesy, little coffee shop you always walk past after work, etc.

You know yourself the best. Find the location that screams "hell yeah" to you.
Step 3, Planning and backup: I recommend to visit about 2-3 different locations on your date. It ensures that if one location doesn't turn out as great as expected (like a rude waiter, weather turning bad, restaurant is closed unexpectedly) your time doesn't feel wasn't. Especially if you put in effort to get dolled up. By having a row of different locations you minimize the risk of sudden disappointment due to uncontrollable external circumstances. At worst you shrug it off and move on to the next event, at best you have an extraordinarily great time.
Note: When a HVM plans a date he always has a some kind of a backup plan too, in case things don't work out as they should. Btw FDS warns about the pickup manipulation tactic of visiting several different locations during the first dates to trick your brain into a false sense of intimacy. I'm aware of this and I also advice against it when vetting a new romantic interest. But his here is a different scenario. This is not a first date. You are in an established relationship with yourself. You already know and trust yourself. You won't get handsy with yourself against your will. If anything, you build more genuine intimacy with yourself and this is always a good thing.

Examples for different date locations are:

Cocktails(1h) -> Cinema(2h)

Coffee/Tea (1,5h) -> Shopping(2-3h) -> Ice Cream in restaurant(1/2h)

Lunch at restaurant (1h) -> Hookah bar(2-3h) -> meeting friends for the rest of the evening

Brunch(1h) -> Outdoor activity with a small prepared pick-nick/lunch (5h) -> fade-out at coffee bar

Brunch(1h) -> Day at the spa -> buying yourself some little gift like a flower bouquet

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My personal experience is that build-up-phase -> main-event-phase -> fade-out-phase works best. But it also depends on your chosen activity. Especially when you go for prolonged or physically challenging activities you won't want them to be the first item on your list.

Safety: Your phone has to be fully charged before you leave. Pack a power bank. Depending on what you do make sure to inform your friends/relatives beforehand of your plans and location. If you go hiking alone keep a location tracker with you. Be equipped to defend yourself in case of emergency. Don't drive when you drink, opt for an uber/taxi instead. Be responsible. Treat your safety like a HVM would treat it. For a better understanding - watch out for yourself like you would for your bff/child/pet/another beloved being when you want them to get home safe late at night.

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Step 4, Pick a time: Maybe you are a spontaneous person or maybe you prefer to plan days or weeks beforehand. Whatever the case may be you should make time for it. Schedule an appointment in your planner the same way you would do for a regular date with a man. Make sure work won't come in the way. Take care of work related issues beforehand. If you are a student your assignments should be finished or in a state where your mind doesn't wander off during the date. Inform your boss that you won't be reachable. If you have pets and/or children that require your attention find a pet-sitter/babysitter or ask your friends and family. Your handy is reserved for emergency cases.

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Step 5, Enjoy your date: Finally. This might sound easy but it can be a bit tricky when you are not used to it. Focus on your surroundings. Enjoy nature if you are outside. Use all your senses to stay in the moment. Recognize your company over and over again. You are out on a date with the most important person you'll ever meet in your life so make sure you honor every moment with her. If you are worried about of coming off as strange when sitting alone at the cafe you can indulge in reading that book you never had time for. Stay as long as you want and leave when you feel like doing something different. The most important thing is that you have fun.