Ah, men can’t be abused, and if they claim to be then they’re abusers

TrilIias · 2021-08-27T02:33:37+00:00

When asked about how things have changed and whether he thinks male victims of domestic violence are under researched, Derry had this to say:

The one thing I note is the absence of the language identifying male violence against women. Much of the language has shifted to “gender-based violence” or “intimate partner violence”. The “gender-based violence” language is useful but without also naming it as men’s violence against women, the primary perpetrators, men, are then made invisible in some ways. This only benefits the perpetrators. The ‘intimate partner violence’ can be useful as well as it is inclusive of battering that occurs in same sex relationships and not just heterosexual relationships.

Regarding male survivors. This is an important discussion as many male abusersidentify themselves as victims of those they abuse. And, in heterosexual relationships,the use of violence by women is often used in self-defense. And even if it isnot used in self-defense, the impact of that violence is much different on theman as he is usually larger than her and knows he can stop her if he needs to. So,the power of that violence and the ability to control the man in a heterosexualrelationship is not the same due to the gender differences.If we are looking to support male survivors of battering, the substantial level of abuse against men is in same sex relationships. The power and control dynamics of the abuse is very similar to heterosexual relationships, and that is where the majority of male victims experience the violence and control from their partners.Lastly, it is important to be mindful of how these conversations go as we speak of men’s violence against women. In many cases there is an attempt to divert the discussion away from men’s perpetration and to focus on the woman’s behavior or speak to men’s victimization. This is an effective way to avoid serious discussion specifically on male violence against women. So, while I believe the question of male survivors of battering is an important topic to discuss and intervene upon, this thread is specifically focusing on men who are being abusive to women, why that is occurring, and where is the socialsupport that maintains this cultural norm.

Honestly, screw this guy. This is the same sort of complete denial and/or ignorance of actual research into domestic violence. It reminds me of an interview I watched of Michael Paymar, one of the creators of the Duluth Model. Paymar mentions that he is aware that Murray A. Straus found gender symmetry in perpetration of domestic violence, but Paymar explained that as simply "when women do it, it's just self defense." This was despite the fact that Staus found that very little of the domestic violence committed by women was motivated by self defense, and that men and women had identical motivations.

It also reminds me of Katherine Spillar's comment about how domestic violence "is just a clean up word for 'wife beating.'" Absolutely disgusting to anyone who is actually aware of the data, and yet the general public will buy into this.

ScarAdvanced9562 · 2021-08-27T00:53:06+00:00

Fortunately even MensLib called him out on his bullshit

OldEgalitarianMRA · 2021-08-27T01:22:08+00:00

Lol, they're not such big pushovers at r/menslib as I thought they might be. There is hope for them. Some appear to have a spine.

Luchadorgreen · 2021-08-27T04:54:16+00:00

Wow, what a complete asshole. Also I think it’s hilarious that centering a guy who cares only about female victims is a hot feature in a “men’s sub” lmao. Not surprising, though.

OriginalFinnah · 2021-08-27T05:05:41+00:00

Men's lib is a joke

dungeonmonkey69 · 2021-08-27T05:53:46+00:00

The piece of shit bought up the Duluth wheel of power, all I needed to hear not to take him seriously

duhhhh · 2021-08-27T02:20:03+00:00

That guy reminds me of Steven Stosny. He has a book "Love Without Hurt" and antiviolence marriage bootcamps that place all of the blame on the man and accept no possibility that the woman is the violent one. Any man claiming to be abused is really the abuser according to him.

Reaper621 · 2021-08-27T11:39:31+00:00

Did you notice that when he was called out for his shitty response, he stopped answering. Whereas when people agreed with him he was willing to elaborate and respond to feedback.

frustr8tion · 2021-08-27T11:01:38+00:00

"Hi, I'm Chuck Derry and I'm a heteronormative sexist who believes in surveillance, over empathetic developments in consciousness."

HPUnicorn · 2021-08-27T13:07:22+00:00

I am going to attempt to do a TLDR on that entire thread.

"Men Abuse , women suffer. When women abuse, it's the man fault, when a man says he was abused he is actually an abuser but when a man is actually abused, it's done by another man" and "Duluth Model, Duluth Model, and finally Duluth Model".

How did I do, did I miss anything.

I think that thread is useful though, it is a perfect example of brainwashing in action.

CranverrySweet · 2021-08-27T06:32:49+00:00

Can't believe the dude went to a men's subreddit (even if it's menslib) only to spout this crap.

Coochieeater456 · 2021-08-27T01:11:12+00:00

Men’s lib is just a male feminist sub

Strigon_7 · 2021-08-27T07:22:20+00:00

It's interesting... I was violently abused as a child and as such have a fear of being hit, I am an ace goal keeper because I know how little a football can do if it hits me, my wife has struck me plenty of times and even though it never hurts physically it makes me afraid, to her credit after I warned her about it and that I would hit her back she never raised her hand to me again. Strange experience being hit by a woman in my thirties, but oddly enough I was never afraid of guys hitting me... Probably why I have so many scars.

Omz-bomz · 2021-08-27T12:06:27+00:00

The Duluth Model, a coordinated community response, received the GoldAward from the Untied Nations as the best policy model in the world to attendto domestic violence.

He's actually praising the Duluth model, he really should remove the "h" in his first name.
What an complete tool that has drank waaay too much of the feminist cool aid, his responses are just utterly insane.

HPUnicorn · 2021-08-27T13:18:33+00:00

Here is why I dismiss this person out of hand

His complete and utter failure to even acknowledge that there are ANY male victims of DV at the hands of women and that those victims deserve to be heard. He uses excuses for the women's behavior , or that the man is lying (ALL OF THEM ARE LIARS).

This tells me this person is a zealot , plain and simple.

Rex-the-pup · 2021-08-27T14:56:53+00:00

Take one look at amber Heard, and you can see all her blind followers who claim we need to "believe women" even when there's evidence proving she's a abusive bitch.

f4z3ultr1x · 2021-08-27T14:53:41+00:00

i think there was another post from the same sub arguing against this

tenchineuro · 2021-08-27T14:58:06+00:00

The post has been locked.

reddut_gang · 2021-08-27T17:29:55+00:00

You see the problem with menslib. It is a "mens issues' sub, that focuses more on womens issues. As if they don't have 12 other subs to talk about womens issues.

Clemicus · 2021-08-28T00:48:53+00:00

All I got from reading from his responses was something similar when you try to bluff your way through an interview. When you get asked questions you have no or little experience of so you just use a boilerplate response you read

Ah, men can’t be abused, and if they claim to be then they’re abusers

Crosspost "Hi MensLib, I'm Chuck Derry, AMA!" from /r/MensLib:

Comments

Title	Ah, men can’t be abused, and if they claim to be then they’re abusers
Author	ScarAdvanced9562
Upvotes	195
Comments	36
Date	August 27, 2021 12:52 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/MensRights
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/MensRights/comments/pccn31/ah_men_cant_be_abused_and_if_they_claim_to_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/MensRights/ah-men-cant-be-abused-and-if-they-claim-to-be-then.1065530 https://theredarchive.com/post/1065530