If you plan to have children, you owe it to yourself and to them not to be a pick-me. Pick-mes can literally get their kids killed.

MerrilyMerrilyMe · 2021-09-03T20:07:09+00:00

Abridged version of an admittedly long read (and a massive TW for abuse and violence): Pick-me marries NVM. Adopts daughter. NVM is a rapist who likes to break-and-enter women's homes, tie them up, and, well, you know--why dwell on it. Surprise surprise, rapist begins abusing adopted daughter. Adopted daughter tells pick-me mom. Mom accuses her of lying. Father eventually murders daughter when she's 14; claims it was an accident, but he's not the truthful sort. And pick-me mom?

--continues to defend him, until he finally confesses many, many years down the road.

When I look back on how careless I was with birth control in my younger years, and the abysmally low quality of men I screwed around with, I shudder. It's pure luck, and a slightly better-working bullshit detector, that this wasn't me. Don't let it be you, either.

GlitterLoveAngel · 2021-09-03T20:43:31+00:00

Possible TW:

Yep. This is why I barely sympathize with pickmeishas. Especially adults. My mother was a pick me and she literally didn’t do anything when my father was sexually harassing and assaulting me and abusing my siblings and I and now she tries to guilt trip and gaslight me back into having a relationship with both of them. “You’re just being overdramatic. You need to stop taking everything so seriously. He didn’t mean it.” I’ve experienced it all first hand and this even led me to believe that pick me's are worse than lvm.

And yes, my mother was abused as a kid. But it doesn’t justify her standing by and just let her own children get abused for the sake of male validation and attention. I’ve seen it happen with all sorts of murderers and narcissists who are usually male. They get sympathy after traumatizing people because of what they’ve been through in their childhood. It is not an excuse.

Like it wouldn’t be okay for me to go abuse someone just because I was abused so why is it okay for full grown adults to act that way?

I’ve even started self harming at the age of 9 and had my first ever su icide attempt at 12 mainly due to my mother's inability to grow up and actually protect her kids.

I knew ever since I was very young that this treatment was wrong and vowed to never treat my (possible) future children the same way.

So to any female lurkers here who happen to be similar to my egg donor: If you choose a man over your own children then you literally don’t deserve any respect and need to grow up. Don’t traumatize your kids, put them in danger and cause them to hate you just for a man. He won’t change. Realize that and move on.

Also just in case you’re wondering, the abuse that he’s doing and the toxic stuff that he says, he knows and is fully aware about what he’s doing. It’s not a mistake, it’s not a joke. Would you treat something or someone that you love and care for like shit? Then why is it okay for him to do that to the people you try to tell your kids that he apparently cares and loves so much? He’s doing that because he not only means it but knows that you literally won’t do anything about his behavior. You’ll take him back. He does what he’s allowed to do. Men are not kids, stop treating them as such.

And if you refuse to listen, don’t be surprised when your daughter gets pregnant at 16 or gets into a bdsm relationship where she literally gets abused and called slurs and think it’s love. My mother manipulated me into thinking that my father's abuse was his way of showing that he loved me and then she got surprised when I landed myself in a abusive 3 year relationship where I was literally treated like sh it but I continued to go back to him. Why? I didn’t know any better. Lol it’s not like I was raised to know my worth and know what a healthy relationship is like. I was basically taught by my parents I was worthless and a nuisance ever since a young age and I thought that I should feel grateful that at least some guy ‘loved’ me even though he literally put me through hell.

And I don’t like Dhar Mann that much but watch this:

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=K-wwtd15n60

Treat your daughter like sh it and she’ll settle for less because her first love and relationships start with YOU. Treat your daughter with love and care and she’ll know her worth, won’t settle and will perhaps find a man who will literally treat her like a Queen. If she doesn’t, she knows she’ll be fine living on her own because if you raise your daughter to know that her worth is much more than how men feel about her and her looks, she won’t become a pick me looking for validation and attention.

Altowhovian93 · 2021-09-03T20:38:10+00:00

This is horrifying. All these poor women, victimized and murdered by this one man. Bravo to the volunteer crimesolvers and the bio mother for trying to do right by her daughter,

Peak_Tree · 2021-09-03T22:34:03+00:00

Pick mes are dangerous to themselves, to their children and to all women around them. I know some women here say we have to be compassionate, and that's fine...but it doesn't imply that you can let your guard down around pick mes.

Try to help them if you can but keep your distance ( and your secrets).

Adventurous_River_64 · 2021-09-03T21:31:46+00:00

Ugh this is terrible. I was just reading about the incredibly tragic story of the DeBarge family and it’s really sad how their mother didn’t protect any of the kids from their father’s abuse. Heartbreaking.

Risas1239 · 2021-09-04T03:50:03+00:00

This is why I decided to never be friends with a woman with ongoing abusive relationships. My first encounter with it was when my friend reacted badly after I mentioned to her that she was putting her future children in danger because her husband was abusive (I’ve commented elsewhere about this but he yelled at me once and she did nothing). I could never with a clean conscience be in the lives of kids whose mother exposes them like that. They have a kid now and she’s still with this troll of a man.

ashcantcatchabreak · 2021-09-04T08:04:53+00:00

The mother failed and betrayed that poor girl. She told her the sexual assaults were happening, and she didn’t believe it. The poor child. No sympathy for handmaidens or pickmes

tooflyforyou · 2021-09-04T12:08:15+00:00

Ugh I felt this in my bones! My mother is a huge pickmeisha and has literally brushed off my sister’s molester because “he’s family” and complains how she never had any sons. It’s disgusting!

She also justifies her dad cheating on her mom and thinks being abused/cheated on by a man is some type of drama toxic love that should be glamorized.

maskwearingbitch2020 · 2021-09-04T01:27:22+00:00

WOW! Riveting!!! Thank you for sharing that. Ladies....always trust your instincts!!

t3ddi · 2021-09-04T16:44:06+00:00

I have a PickMeisha coworker that I had the displeasure of spending quality time with on a trip that I regret planning. She confessed to coming to our workplace high (we supervise children) bc her asshat lv pressured her into staying up late/doing drugs with her and she is a loud and proud racist bc he is and it emboldens her. She comes from a very good family that is trying to get him away from her but she doesnt realize it fully bc of her entitlement. She is in her late 20s so should be starting to question her patterns but isnt. The difference between ppl who are abused to carry on that cycle or change for the better is a choice. And carrying on with pick me tendencies after your early twenties is a reflection of your values. You don't want to be around people who don't understand the importance of their values/dont know who they are because they expect you to do it for them and that is a boundary violation and an insult to your adaptability and intelligence to get this far on your own.

fds_throwaway_4_u · 2021-09-04T01:28:25+00:00

Pickmes are on the same level as men.

Title	If you plan to have children, you owe it to yourself and to them not to be a pick-me. Pick-mes can literally get their kids killed.
Author	MerrilyMerrilyMe
Upvotes	314
Comments	20
Date	September 3, 2021 8:01 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/phcp04/if_you_plan_to_have_children_you_owe_it_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/if-you-plan-to-have-children-you-owe-it-to.1067058 https://theredarchive.com/post/1067058

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