Any tips on how to engage a man emotionally without sex being on the table?

Platipus6 · 2021-10-27T13:42:37+00:00

I've built a connection with men during something that feels like we're in our own little world. You've probably seen couples absorbed with each other, hunched over having an 'intimate' conversation. They're out in public but you just know not to intrude.

During what activities do you feel this type of intimacy?

Conversation with in-jokes between you two

Discussing a movie or book you both love

When he teaches you a hobby he's skilled in, or talks passionately about something he's excited about

When you get to teach him something and he's genuinely curious and impressed with your knowledge

Teamwork of some kind? I used to really bond during computer games. It's so quick to weed out the misogynists and connect with the decent men who know how to co-op.

Building something together, or putting together a bookshelf, new flowerbed, repairing something

Dancing, ice-skating, rock-climbing? Where there are moves you have to do together, rely on each other, be in tune with each other.

Chess, tennis, badminton - something competitive, see if he's a sore loser or smug winner. Does he go straight to crushing you? Does he mock you? Does he cheer if you improve? Does he blame it on luck if you win?

Think of an activity that could become "your thing" and you'd feel weird if he did it with someone else. I find those things lead to a sense of emotional intimacy.

repurposedschleem · 2021-10-27T13:48:46+00:00

Honestly? Just going on dates and having conversations. It’ll build itself if the guy is worthwhile. Any man worth your time won’t rush sex. Consider them losing interest as them doing you a favor. Thank you, next.

I had a 8-man roster at my peak. Yeah it got repetitive sometimes telling the same stories and keeping things straight (journaling here helps!!) but talking, mutual novel experiences, laughter, these are all things that bond all humans — men and women, too.

That’s how I had a blast dating and I’m not afraid to be single again because honestly, when you’re vetting and only HVM are met, it’s a treat!

coolestgirlyoueverme · 2021-10-27T15:41:34+00:00

Congrats on the level up journey!

"I always felt men eventually lost interest in me when sex wasn't in sight soon enough for them." - these are the scrotes you want to drop out of your roster naturally (ie trash taking itself out). If he drops off the face of the earth after you tell him "no" you don't want him, good riddance.

You can build emotional intimacy through shared activities and quality time. Men can bond emotionally without sex. In my own experience this has worked. A man that is truly into a woman will continue to persue her even if sex isn't happening anytime soon. He'll want to get to know you and show you who he is, and do activities together. Kissing, holding hands, making out also provides emotional intimacy. Really, it's his job to convince you to be emotionally intimate with him, not vice versa.

blasthead99 · 2021-10-27T15:34:13+00:00

Sorry this doesn't directly answer your question but I will say, if a guy loses interest because you're not offering sex early enough, this is the same type of guy who would have left after getting it

CountingDownTheDays5 · 2021-10-27T13:21:12+00:00

Building a healthy line of communication where ideal, thoughts, goals, and overall self can be discussed without judgement or hostility. This only happen over time, with in person interaction, and other forms of verbal communication. Ideally little by little it will be build via dates, outings, and phone calls. Usually topics will be brought up or pop up during these time. It is also okay to ask after a period as well. You truly have to let these thing build themselves. The process will occur when and if you two date properly, and get to know one another organically.

ferociouslycurious · 2021-10-27T20:02:06+00:00

Don’t try. If you try it just becomes false intimacy, or the fake intimacy of a narcissist. If it takes time and develops naturally it’s more likely to be real.

Healingirl · 2021-10-27T13:32:19+00:00

The thing is, and as you said in your last paragraph, the ones who push for sex are generally LVM in my opinion. Any HVM have no interest in having sex with someone they don't feel emotionally connected to. It's not about playing a role to get them emotionally connected, it's about coming across these HVM who will tell you, point blank, they'd rather wait.

They do exist, my very first bf didn't want to rush into sex, wanted to get to know me etc. Then I left him for a LVM (18y old pickmeisha me) and he is now married with 2 kids in what seems a super committed marriage... (I know we can never know but as it transpires...)

shedipity · 2021-10-27T13:13:38+00:00

You mentioned you always felt men lose interest in you when sex wasn’t in sight, they’re obviously LV and you shouldn’t blame yourself. A HVM will want to advance emotional intimacy just as much as you do.

FDS advises that women wait minimum 3 months into the relationship to have sex with a guy. It’s all about vetting for a HVM, vetting that man, and seeing if he’s worth being intimate with you in any way. You need a strong base of communication to bond emotionally and you need to keep your boundaries. You will be “desired and treated like a lady” when you go through the FDS dating process of finding that man who will treat you as such.

ceramicunicorn · 2021-10-27T18:35:13+00:00

I think the advice is covered here, so this is more for lurkers that might be able to relate, not OP, who has a very reasonable request. I wish it was a dating norm (outside of religious circles).

I’m really not trying to be negative, but I just always find myself floored that women meet men who are even open to this “emotional before physical intimacy” concept. My vetting is on point prior to even going out on a date, but what I find is basically being permanently stuck in the talking stages. Not a single one passes when I express this desire (which is not crazy to express- are men not free to express that they are looking for sex but no emotional connection right away? this is just the reverse of it). And so, I don’t end up on dates at all, because I don’t want to waste time going out with anyone who this does not work for (I find they tend not to be interested in me as a human anyway), and it hasn’t been acceptable for any man (I refuse to try to trick someone by pretending sexual intimacy is just around the corner, the way a man might trick a woman into sex by pretending emotional intimacy might happen soon).

It’s like if you, idk, go on OKC and filter for only answered “no” to the question “would you have sex on the first date” or “do you watch porn” (which I have done). Great filter! But now? The deck. Is. Empty.

Where are women stumbling on these unicorns? Guys you’ve known since high school who are fresh out of relationships or something, and haven’t had time to be corrupted by the illusion of choice (thank you, porn and swipe apps) yet? Are you standing outside the doors of widower grief support meetings? Where are you finding these unicorns? Is this just like playing Powerball?

I’d love to know, or at least hear from others who can relate!

supremelyparanoid · 2021-10-27T13:58:23+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Title	Any tips on how to engage a man emotionally without sex being on the table?
Author	supremelyparanoid
Upvotes	314
Comments	27
Date	October 27, 2021 1:05 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/qgw9gt/any_tips_on_how_to_engage_a_man_emotionally/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/any-tips-on-how-to-engage-a-man-emotionally.1081565 https://theredarchive.com/post/1081565

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