There was recently a thread about TLC’s song ‘no scrub’, and it got me thinking about the ways women’s sexual selection can act as an arm of the state, getting men to conform to what the state wants. ‘No scrub’ is a song about refusing to love men who don’t have their shit together. The primary criticism of the scrub seems to be that they are on the margins of society, they have no job, and thus can offer TLC no social mobility.

It shouldn’t be a controversial thing to suggest sometimes women collude with the state to force men to conform in a way they don’t want to. That’s literally what the white feather campaign was in WWI. When the state needs cannon fodder, some women happily help shame men into walking into the minefield. When the state needs workers, that’s where Hypergamy comes in, the automatic rejection of men with no job.

In a sense, TLC is singing about refusing to select any men who do not “play ball” in society, and conform to their gender role as a worker bee provider. Within this narrative, sex becomes a symbol of achieving a measure of success and establishment in society. You start off as a boy with no status, a virgin. Once you come of age, you must begin your hustle, competing with other men and women for a place in college, and then a place in the workforce. Only after achieving a place in the workforce and gaining access to money are you considered a “player” in society, and only after becoming a “player” in society are you officially eligible as a bachelor, and can finally be rewarded with access to romance and sex. Now you value, the sex was like an establishment stamp of approval.

Virgin shaming therefore means far more than face value, because that V card is connected to your economic status and how established you are in society. When you shame someone for being a virgin, you are not just accusing them of not being well liked by women, you are accusing a man of being on the margins of society; Of failing to “play ball”. If you are a virgin, you have never been sexually selected by a woman, which means a woman has not confirmed your status as a player in society, which can be extrapolated to imply that you either have low or no status in society, and thus low or no income. To accuse a man of being a virgin is to accuse them of being bad at playing the male role (not just providing, but being aggressive and dominant enough to defeat your competition,) because if you were good at it, it would have been recognized by women and confirmed with sex.

This makes me wonder if society will ever stop virgin shaming men. If it were just about sex, then it would be easier to just say “sex isn’t special, it has nothing to do with your value as a person.” I think people are willing to believe that for virgin women but not for virgin men. As for men, sex is kind of seen as having a special meaning because it is the stamp of not just women’s but the state’s approval. A virgin woman just hasn’t met the right special someone, a virgin man is a pariah.

The end. I don’t really have a conclusion here, just sharing some thoughts. Thoughts?