I am a pastor. Specifically a youth pastor.

She moved out last October and not a lot of people at church know. The divorce will probably be finalized the first or second week of December.

We’re at a pretty big church, so it’s not like people know she’s not there. But the staff knows. The parents don’t. And my students don’t either. I feel like a big hypocrite carrying this secret around honestly.

The senior pastor wants to tell everybody when the divorce is final. Maybe he’s holding out for help. I don’t think it’s gonna happen.

Once we tell everybody, I don’t know how they’re going to react. A small group of people who do know have been super supportive. They are the ones who see. I bring my three girls to church. I take care of them. I’m around them all the time. Their mom is only around on Fridays for a couple hours.

But I don’t know how it’s all going to go down once the news is out. It’s possible I could lose my job. That would suck a lot.

The girls have had to go through so much this last year. I really don’t want them to lose their church community at the same time everything else goes down.

I told a good friend the other day who lives in a different state. It felt nice to get some things off my chest without worrying about what would go around.

But he was shocked. He didn’t know. It’s not on social media or anything. But I also haven’t posted a picture of her in about a year which was a big change.

It’s weird to have my job so connected to my personal life. I know if I sold insurance nobody would care. I write fantasy books on the side and have made a good amount of money from it. If I do lose my job I’m not worried about putting food on the table.

It just sucks that one of the things I love to do I might not be able to because my wife decided to leave.

It just sucks.