is there a way to "win" ?

kettleodumplins · 2021-12-13T21:04:03+00:00

Yes, as long as winning is having a happy, fulfilling life and it isn't defined as winning against men. The only way to win is to avoid putting mental energy towards men, what they think, how they act, and what they want in a relationship. Focus on bettering yourself and putting your energy towards you and the people that uplift you. If thinking about getting into a relationship is troubling, then don't date and instead cultivate you friendships and support network. If you date men while thinking that they are all out to use you, then you risk falling into the trap of lowering your standards and overlooking LVM red flags.

This is all of the standard advice that people will tell you, and while it's easy to say it's hard to put into practice. What helped me is to actively classify and process this thinking as intrusive thoughts. There is a lot of literature on managing intrusive thoughts without draining your energy.

HereForTheFreeFoodOk · 2021-12-14T00:29:22+00:00

Hi Blonde hair with big boobs here, working in an all male working environment.

You trigger all their porn fantasies and their brains short circuit. The constant emotional labor of being professional in the face of their severe inappropriateness led me to a mental breakdown.

They will always see you as sexual meat. There is no changing that.

TempDetect · 2021-12-13T20:59:49+00:00

Funny you ask. The only way to win is to focus on what makes you happy. Rock the blonde, fuck the rest. I don't know if what makes you happy is a healthy romantic relationship, but either way you end up winning.

JadeBaby2211 · 2021-12-13T23:51:33+00:00

When you consider yourself to be the ultimate prize and treat yourself right, you always win.

Many people, especially men are downright delusional in relationships. You can't win against crazy, you can only protect your energy and thrive away from the crazy.

PhoenixRisingAsap · 2021-12-13T21:11:34+00:00

This made me think because I’ve invariably become an independent professional and have been single by choice for some time now. So maybe that really is the way, or at least one of the ways.

Edit: This works for ME. A “win” for everyone is different.

Bbeautifulbitch · 2021-12-13T21:08:03+00:00

A technique I’ve used before is to play into their biases and act dumb and let them underestimate me until it’s time to move up a level 😈

larkstarfish · 2021-12-14T03:02:47+00:00

Yes. Keep leveling up. Improving yourself, caring less what other think, learning, growing in every way. I honestly think getting older is a blessing because I don’t care as much what others think and it frees me from comparing myself to others. Just keep going. You will win.

Heather619 · 2021-12-14T05:13:23+00:00

Being happy and fulfilled without a relationship is the win. You have to be able to be happy single before you can enter a healthy relationship.

In my experience, being happy on your own typically deflects the NV/LV men. They learn very quickly that you don't NEED them and run away. The confidence and stability that scares off NV/LV men will attract HVM.

Bwolffff · 2021-12-14T05:41:07+00:00

I’m the same age as you and I’m in the same boat. I am completely turned off by men. I don’t get excited when I have a new crush, I just feel frustrated about it. I know there are good guys out there, but they are impossible to find it seems. I am now only focusing on career and making new friends, and I prefer it to be that way

2021-12-14T01:05:35+00:00

The way you win is by realizing that male validation is a worthless means to control women, that your happiness is not contingent on finding a man, that you do not have to entertain misogynistic men and pickmes, that you can unlearn how you were socialized and unlearn putting everyone’s needs/feelings above your own, and then you are free. 🕊

BlueSkiesOverLondon · 2021-12-14T05:25:50+00:00

Win what? Genuinely asking. There is no one good life, so there isn’t one way to “win.” I say you win by achieving the life you want, and yeah you can absolutely do that, most of the time.

There is no consistently effective way to beat men at power games they wrote the (unfair) rules to. But winning power games is not the point of life. That’s just a male mindset men are trying to trap you into. The point of life (inasmuch as you can trust a Reddit stranger to weigh in in such a thing) is to go after what you want and what fulfills you.

Comparison truly is the thief of joy, and while I think women should absolutely talk and think about the forces holding us back as a class, in your own life, as an individual, you are better served by just going after what makes you feel happy, secure, fulfilled etc. instead of obsessing over turning the tables on men, or winning life/being successful according to their definitions. Do not spend even a moment of your precious time thinking about whether men believe you to be a success.

All that is pretty wooly, so here is some practical advice for your hair: buns and simple updos while at work. They look more severe and mature and thus more professional, and I think that’s a reasonable comprise to the sad reality that sometimes, we do have to care what others think so we can earn money. Plus that way you get to keep your preferred hair color.

I’m so sorry you’re experiencing this. Good luck.

KindredMaximus · 2021-12-14T07:57:02+00:00

You have to wait until you're about 45, IME. I have blonde hair and men have said these exact words to me- numerous times -''you're smarter than you look''. I always think ''Actually, I'm smarter than you''. I don't know of a way to win AND have a relationship - I failed that spectacularly. But, being 50 now and not GAF, is the best - and I mean the absolute best. If my bones didn't also creak and my fitness seriously go down, I'd vote these years as the best (I broke my ankle and slowly getting back, but it is harder at this age). It's lovely to know, that without thinking twice I'd tell a man to 'eff off' and also, I get way more respect from men at this age - men actually believe I know what I'm talking about.

DifferentBar6 · 2021-12-13T21:23:08+00:00

Avoid men and be happy

Buttery_ · 2021-12-14T09:13:42+00:00

Nurture and take active part in creating your own female social circle/support network. Help other women, be their ally, vet them to avoid pick-me’s.

I started a book club during the pandemic and we have teams calls to discuss, drink wine and eat cheese. Highly recommend!

is there a way to "win" ?

Comments

This is the way

Title	is there a way to "win" ?
Author	pomelo04
Upvotes	339
Comments	18
Date	December 13, 2021 8:43 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/rfpllh/is_there_a_way_to_win/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-there-a-way-to-win.1092620 https://theredarchive.com/post/1092620