I’m worried he will cheat again

SilentDawnn · 2022-01-18T20:55:39+00:00

No one deserves to feel this way. I don’t like to tell people to leave on The internet because I know how multilayered and complicated relationships are, but cheating is one of those things that can completely dissolve any love or trust in the blink of an eye. Not only this, but his actions and desire of wanting to be around that environment and those girls speaks volumes about how he will continue to behave in the future. There are men out there who will treat you much better than this.

ladida1321 · 2022-01-18T20:51:26+00:00

I would not be comfortable with my boyfriend spending an evening with the same chick he cheated on me with plus all the other friends who turned a blind eye when he did.

It’s not controlling to not want your bf to have any contact with someone he cheated with. In fact, it’s usually the bottom line for getting through it.

Maybe there is a compromise here. Celebrate with her another day without the extra people. Drop off a gift and visit before the party. Invite you to come (if you even wanted to)?

mysterygurl_ · 2022-01-18T21:07:07+00:00

He is the one who cheated, so it is his job to earn your trust back in this relationship. If he doesn’t see why him going to that party makes you uncomfortable, he isn’t fully committed to you trusting him again.

mbniceguy · 2022-01-18T21:05:32+00:00

I'm not sure it's possible to recover from a betrayal like this in such a young relationship, is he worth the trouble?

NellieSantee · 2022-01-18T21:17:49+00:00

Yeah, that's a no for me.

EviessVeralan · 2022-01-18T22:16:54+00:00

Honestly, this guy has more red flags then a communist parade and you've only been with him a year. Cut your losses and find someone worthy of your time and effort.

amadexodus · 2022-01-18T21:43:55+00:00

When you're on the receiving end of cheating, you're blindsided and heartbroken, like you said. But worse yet, your sense of self-worth is destroyed. This is especially true when women get cheated on: No matter how many times our families, girlfriends, friends, or even strangers tell us that it wasn't our fault, we feel tremendous humiliation and go to emotionally dark places where we tear ourselves apart in order to make sense of how embarrassed we feel. Any mention or reference to the "scene of the crime" can be very upsetting and send you spiraling into paranoia if the trust between you is gone.

I bring this up to say that you're not being controlling. He doesn't seem to understand what his very public actions did to your relationship and to you personally. If he's actually serious about regaining your trust and making amends, he should be willing to make adjustments. I'm particularly wary of the fact that he so badly wants to go to the same birthday party where he originally cheated on you. If he's not willing to compromise for the sake of your comfort, I would break up with him and find another guy lives closer to your area and wouldn't treat you like this.

johnnycage24 · 2022-01-18T22:48:02+00:00

It's a tough situation you are in, my condolences to you, it seems that your mistake was giving him a chance and getting back with him, no human should ever worry about another human doing something out of their control where there is trust (if there is any), truth is, most online relationships don't work in the physical world, i'd suggest breaking up with him for good, once a cheater always a cheater.

deep_faked_beans · 2022-01-18T21:28:49+00:00

He sounds very selfish, it's completely rational that you don't want him to go, if he thought about you at all he'd never even think about going in the first place. Being cheated on is traumatic and can scar someone for a long time. On top of that he's implying you're abusive for not wanting him to go, to me that seems manipulative. It's just a one day event, he doesn't even need to go anyway, I couldn't be with someone like that.

naianys · 2022-01-19T01:28:23+00:00

Would he forgive you if you cheated on him and let you go at the same place around the dude you cheated on him with? Ask yourself that. Don't allow for behaviour your partner would never accept from you, especially when they are acting like they're the victim when they're the ones who wronged you in the first place. He obviously doesn't care about your feelings enough.

Amongtheruins88 · 2022-01-19T01:41:16+00:00

I’m sure you can find a guy who will treat you much better. Cheaters are scum.

kneesofthetrees · 2022-01-18T21:37:09+00:00

Once a cheater, always a cheater. Unless you are married, you have no obligation to mend the relationship. In fact, you have every reason not to. Have dignity. Don’t stay with someone who betrays you.

Virtual-Interview-11 · 2022-01-19T01:12:41+00:00

To be honest, I would just leave again. He has no respect or love for you

Lando_620 · 2022-01-19T01:15:09+00:00

I would say you both were a little naive. It sounds like you guys claimed bf/gf status before actually meeting up...that is just silly IMO. Beyond that, long distance relationships don't work...data just doesn't support trying to pursue one. He has lost your trust and honestly, if you get back with him he will lose what respect for you he does have. Best to just move on.

brunette398434 · 2022-01-19T08:03:44+00:00

cheating is an impulsive behavior so its possible it may be hardwired into him.. i wouldnt trust him

marimari_23 · 2022-01-19T12:35:01+00:00

I'm sorry this happened to you but you're just making it more difficult for yourself by staying with him. He cheated once, he'll do it again

2022-01-18T20:50:40+00:00

[permanently deleted]

couldbethere · 2022-01-18T22:49:36+00:00

The trust has been broken, and this will lead to more issues in your relationship.

If there isn’t trust there’s nothing. Unfortunately, cheaters are likely to cheat again, although there are exceptions.

Ask him if he’s willing to go to couple’s therapy. The trust needs to be built again and you need to understand how and why it happened the first time so that you can know if this is likely to happen again. You both might need individual counselling as well(him more than you) you so that you can heal, and him so that he can learn how bad his actions were, why he did them, and how to make better choices and not hurt you like that again.

If this is the love of your life and he really loves you, therapy might help.

cobojobo · 2022-01-18T23:32:23+00:00

Long distance

UbermenschRecipe · 2022-01-19T19:43:19+00:00

He’s not the one. He is especially not the one who’s worth all the energy you put into improving yourself via the Red Pill.

I was in your situation before in a long-term relationship. Now, I’m with someone much better and who’s actually committed to me.

Let me tell you, your guy is in the lowest of the lows when it comes to effort for you. He’s not the one. It’s not supposed to be this hard.

dontstop-themadness · 2022-01-19T02:25:09+00:00

any girl in your situation would feel that way! I'd say you shouldn't have to ask for his respect. Things like making your s/o comfortable should be a high priority. As far as controlling... u are not being that! you told him what makes u uncomfortable. I'd suggest to leave it at that. Wait and see his actions toward you. if he chooses to go and makes u uncomfortable (or even cheats again) those are his true colors. then u can make ur decision to stay or go. Im so sorry to be blunt, but telling u the truth coz what we want to hear isn't always helpful.

Rook_Cross · 2022-01-19T17:57:31+00:00

Guys with female best friends are a no. They like getting attention from other females rather than getting it from you. That he's also trying to guilt YOU, when he's the one in the wrong, when therapists will say you know, not to be around the affair partner, when it's common sense not to try and rebuild trust by returning to the scene of the crime. It just says he hasn't taken responsibility and changed. Don't waste your time. He's likely going to keep you guessing with his female friends too in the future.

Ket0gainsmongoose · 2022-01-19T02:55:02+00:00

So many people getting caught up on the wrong things in this thread.

It's a long distance relationship. The logistics are all wrong for the kind of commitment you're looking for. You should consider lowering your expectations and/or find someone closer that you can throw sex at on a daily basis to satiate their sexual appetite. This cannot be done with 300+ miles between you and him.

Consider this relationship a cheap learning lesson on the importance of proximity and the negatives that come with long distances between the sexes.

Conscious_Way444 · 2022-01-19T22:12:40+00:00

You need and deserve SECURITY in a relationship and he isn’t giving you that. You can’t trust him and you’re long distance—it’s a no from me. There’s a much better man out there for you ❤️

Title	I’m worried he will cheat again
Author	RosaDellaCasa
Upvotes	22
Comments	29
Date	January 18, 2022 8:46 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/s77fg1/im_worried_he_will_cheat_again/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/im-worried-he-will-cheat-again.1096842 https://theredarchive.com/post/1096842

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