How to let go of the “high value” or smv thinking?

DanMarinosDolphins · 2022-02-02T22:08:42+00:00

I think it's better to look at rp as a warped sense of reality verses a completely incorrect one. I think what one person considers "high value" is subjective. There isn't this exact formula that will make you a hvm to every person. For example, most people date within their own socioeconomic class and education level, and level of attractiveness. Most people will attract their equal. And if one has a little bit more of something, then they compromise with someone who has a little bit more of that.

So I think the trick is you deciding what you personally value. And trying to meet that standard that you've set for yourself. It's not about comparing yourself to others, it's comparing yourself to your ideal version of yourself.

As a man, what I would consider high value in myself, is basic health and fitness, nothing crazy, I have a goal to make over 75k a year, because of that Princeton study and the happiness plateaus. I want to own my own home. I want to own a rental property. I want to contribute the maximums to my retirement accounts. I want to make time for my hobbies.

Those are the things I think would make my life high value to myself and others. And I'm not too worried about who this excludes from my dating pool. Part of being high value to myself, is also not needing to worry about what a partner makes. Whether they make way less, or way more, I'm independent. I don't rely on them, I'm not financially dependent on them, and it won't break the bank if they're financially dependent on me.

Being high value is also as much about your character as well. I like to feel like I'm a loyal friend, and a reliable family member. That I can be trusted and depended on. Those things make me feel high value.

Inareskai · 2022-02-02T21:36:17+00:00

So, there is absolutely a thing (sometimes called 'pretty privilege') that makes people who have classically 'good looking' features have better interactions - people are nicer to them, they are more likely to get promotions etc. This is not a good thing. This is also something that's actually fairly widely acknowledged, so if anyone reading this is going 'so RP is right?!!?' then.. yeah, in the same way that a person gets an answer right when they copy the answers off someone else whose already done the test.

Additionally, there are many rich unattractive people and may rich attractive people. If you're saying 'people who are rich and tend to have better lives' it's again like... yeah? People tend to do better when they have financial stability.

That being acknowledged, what does 'living life on easy mode' mean, exactly? Because being attractive and rich can certainly be a boost in certain areas (money, in particular, can definitely reduce a lot of regular day-to-day struggles), but it's certainly not a protective shield against all hardships.

And that's before we even reach the point where we have to acknowledge that these incredibly rich super attractive people are a tiny minority of the population. If there is a hierarchy (I don't think it's quite as rigid as that, even if I acknowledge that looks and money can have a positive life impact) then most people are solidly in the middle or on lower rungs (which is bad, in general, a more equal society regarding money would be very nice - not so much can be done about looks except pushing for more body positivity and diversity).

Idk, it seems like the thought that's plaguing you is more 'there is a hierarchy and if you're not a the top then everything is irrevocably terrible' which is like, the first step is kind of plausible, the second step is a big, big leap. Lots of people who are unattractive, or poor, or both, live happy and fulfilling lives. Also, poverty has a much larger impact than looks.

r2401 · 2022-02-02T22:19:51+00:00

Someone else will always have more, be better in every single way etc.

If it's just envy then call it envy and that might make it easier to deal with. Are the objective circumstances of your life good?

PizzaSteeve · 2022-02-02T22:52:49+00:00

You already got some amazing answers so I'll just say, at the risk of sounding nihilistic, we do live in a pretty shitty world where many people are shallow, whatever their gender is. That said, as someone else pointed out there's no such thing as being "objectively high value." Because people don't all have the same priorities or tastes. Let's say you're very ugly (or more accurately, not what society deems clsssically attractive) you're also super smart and intellectual, I'm sure there's someone out there for you whose priorities are less about physical attractiveness and more about being intellectually challenged. You'll never have to fear this person leaving you for some jock because that's just not what they consider high value.

I used to feel the way you do about everything from my looks to my achievements (didn't help that I was dating someone who enjoyed rating people's looks numerically to their face) but then I realized not everyone's like this and many people even feel contempt for such behavior. You can't really reduce a human being's worth to their bone structure, wealth or even I.Q. We're so much more than. Plus, the joke is on people who reduce men and women to their private parts or sexiness as they will eventually grow old and realize they have no one worthwhile to grow old with. It's actually pretty sad.

laguaguadecarne · 2022-02-02T22:58:40+00:00

The SMV concept works like this:

The seller decides in which market they want to advertise.
Then, said market decides if they'll be in demand.
If they're in demand in any way or form, it then I'll be determined how scarce or ample supply of said seller is available in that market.
Depending the laws of supply and demand said market has dictated, the seller then will decide the best way they will market themselves.
If said market isn't a good market for the seller, the seller has the choice to hunt for a different market. For example, a man who's an Anglo-Saxon software developer will have little success in a market where the demand is high for Latino skilled trade workers. Likewise, a woman who's a professional project manager consultant will ALSO have little success in a midsize town where the demand is high for hairdressers.

What about the "high" vs "low value" dichotomy?

This is extremely subjective. A lot of men have this mentality that they can neglect their personalities and physiques (including grooming and hygiene) and solely focus on money and career... and BOOM: women will automatically fall from the sky. On top that money ALONE won't make a man "high value", neglecting the rest of one's overall person isn't a high value trait either.

princessbubbbles · 2022-02-03T02:18:22+00:00

Do you have friends irl? In my little corner of the world, I have a few pretty close friends who aren't all that attractive and definitely poor, probably and actually on the spectrum, but we build each other up. Sometimes we give each other hugs, 'head pats', "good boys", and other small affirmations. We have deeper conversations and appreciate each other's weirdness and struggles, but those small, silly habits really do make a difference. I can convince you with logic, and the replies to this post already have, but letting go of a habitual emotional response requires an expanded approach. It can be done by actively training your brain and making connections on online forums like here and r/bropill. And it does help to have irl friends to bounce ideas off of or to just kind of casually exist around.

Embarrassed_Tie_1674 · 2022-02-03T05:52:53+00:00

Have you not heard a bum dude driving a 2002 Honda Civic rearranging some girls guts before?

Do you think every single working class person dies alone lol?

BrainAlert · 2022-02-03T06:09:37+00:00

I watched an ams video last night where even he mentioned, this "high value" thing is overblown. It's just a big thing on YouTube. Plenty of rich guys can't get girls. Your personality is more important than money.

vizionone · 2022-02-03T16:29:16+00:00

Instead of thinking. Be proactive and start doing things. You’re in your mind too much. You’ll feel a lot better about yourself by involving yourself with active things. Ex: working out. Playing sports. Finding a project to do. Cleaning your space. I find that that small wins create more life satisfaction for me.

perla-madonna · 2022-02-03T23:44:32+00:00

Your feeling of being a loser is called shame, and u would have it no matter your achievemnts or status or looks, work on why you feel so undesrrving, because there are literal losers out there feeling like they are the best thing in the world. It‘s the feel part that is keyword

chelle_belle94 · 2022-02-04T05:08:09+00:00

I disagree with a lot of what the red pilled guys teach, but one thing that I think is so important and valuable is always trying to improve yourself. In whatever way you can. For example maybe you don't make much money, so focus on your diet and doing things that ARE within your control. Having a routine, getting a better sleeping schedule etc. These small things will actually make a difference in your confidence levels even if it doesn't feel like it. Don't put too much pressure on yourself if you can't handle it right now just take a step at a time. Also, red pilled guys get this one area so wrong. Girls only want a rich stereotypically hot guy. That can't be further from the truth. We fall for all kinds of guys. What attracts us is certain characteristics they might have, like being ambitious or being dedicated. Its not about the amount of money.

Lauren_Aa · 2022-02-03T10:42:08+00:00

What a lot of people need to understand is that beauty is subjective and even "good-looking" people have problems in their lives. There's no such thing as a hierarchy. Just put standards on what kind of women you wanna date. Don't just go with random women just because they're pretty to you. That's how I do in the love area. I've never dated someone because my standards are very hard to meet nowadays, but that doesn't mean I give up. Time comes at any age. Also, I would recommend you to not put love as a priority because you have to be patient in order to find your soulmate. Do your life, and love will come eventually. Hope this helped.

Tostitos153 · 2022-02-03T01:54:01+00:00

You believe that because someone has good looks their life is on easy mode? Can you further elaborate on “easy mode” and what that means?

vcreativ · 2022-02-03T11:29:34+00:00

I think some people undoubtedly have it easier than others. And that's not always easy to live with.

To a certain degree comparison is normal, I think, and it can give you a healthy impetus to change your life for the better. If that's what you want.

But it's seductive to think that the value of a person can be reduced to external factors like how many partners one has, what they look like, money, cars, homes, travel, "happy" selfies, fitness, you name it.

High-value, to me means, whatever you're doing in life you're aiming at excellency relative to you and doing a good job at whatever it is. And that you're kind and authentic no matter your background.

To me, that's far more value than anyone who's pushing merch to children via their content free YouTube sales funnel will be able to provide. Regardless of the house they live in or the car they drive.

TheDrWinston · 2022-02-03T16:00:02+00:00

Personally I think it's best to not think about how you see yourself when dating.

I like to be in the headspace of: "what does she want?" "Do I have that?" "If yes, great" "if not, move on".

There is a condition on which we love on. There are traits we are looking for. There is a checklist. Find out her list, and be natural.

The likelihood to being rejected or broke up with is higher than success. So it's honestly not something to stress about. Faking it is a waste of time all things considered. Unless you truly need it to be comfortable.

Dating is should be a fun thing, but practice vs theory is a different issue.

What you should do is try to put yourself in a situation where you're comfortable and confident in. Use that info however you wish.

Thinking about your SMV is literally more economic than social. Humans aren't that predictable, so it's not like you can input a command and get what you want.

If you and the girl have similar goals, lifestyles, and complimentary personalities. You're likely to get into a relationship.

Title	How to let go of the “high value” or smv thinking?
Author	Sorry-Watercress4589
Upvotes	25
Comments	32
Date	February 2, 2022 9:25 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/sj0dhy/how_to_let_go_of_the_high_value_or_smv_thinking/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-to-let-go-of-the-high-value-or-smv-thinking.1100116 https://theredarchive.com/post/1100116

Comments

What about the "high" vs "low value" dichotomy?