If you have been dating for any non-trivial amount of time, you know there is no one sweeter than a man trying to get into your pants. He will do all the right things, will definitely say what you want to hear to get his dick wet. Which is why FDS implores you to VET, VET and VET. However, as you vet and continue to date him, you must keep yourself detached, so that if he can't meet your standards, you are not left despondent. You don't feel like you have "lost" something, or that you "broke up". You didn't break up, you simply weeded a scrote out.

So just how can we keep our emotions in check? A special shout out to, u/ceramicunicorn a lot of these points are indeed her contribution, thanks to our spirited discourses!

  1. Imagine you are a prize. Scratch that, KNOW that you are THE prize.
    A unique being who has worked on herself incessantly and made herself a successful, well adjusted, beautiful woman in a world that increasingly hates on, abuses, murders and actively downplays the struggles of women. Now, knowing the value of the prize, will you give it away to ANY man who shows the minimum investment? What if it was $1000, would you give away $1000 to a guy who takes you out on coffee and tries to make half-assed conversations for a couple weeks? What if he buys you dinner 4 times, for a month? No, right? And you certainly are worth WAY more than that, especially to a man: your body, emotional and intellectual presence can't be denominated in currency, trust me, they know it too.
    So from now on, treat every potential date as someone interviewing to get to the prize. Be a ruthless interviewer. No self respecting firm will give its candidates "the benefit of the doubt". Eliminate them like nobody's business.

  2. Remember HE NEEDS YOU, you don't need him. Men need sex, they need feminime presence in their lives, which is why married men have higher life expectancies. Treat your encounters as such -- he should constantly pursue you, the moment he does something disrespectful, you "deduct his points" -- remember you're the prize and he has to fight amongst tons of contenders to win you over. If you were interviewing candidates for a job and a promising person faltered in a later round, would you sit there blaming YOUR firm's worth and asking what you did wrong or would you shrug your shoulders and understand the candidate just wasn't experienced/qualified enough to get the coveted job and move on to the next one? OR if you hired a guy and he couldn't perform to your standards, would you - as an employer - cry and make excuses or would you cut your losses asap and open a new requisition? Enjoy kicking losers to the curb -- it's fun!
    Men are extremely transactional, be as such. Get emotions out of this process completely.

  3. Do NOT share your vulnerabilities early on. Do not talk about your insecurities, about your trauma, about your childhood. Men use that against you, additionally you get attached. You give a part of yourself away everytime you share that story that only your closest friends know about. Hold your cards close to your heart.
    Limit conversations to surface level stories, like how bad traffic was, or how Karen from accounting just had her 50th birthday and you loved the icream cake.
    At the same time, LISTEN. Listen to what he says, how much he shares. And ask questions. However make sure to not become an emotional outhouse -- if he drones on about his ex, look at your watch casually and say, "so how has work been this week?"

  4. HE is not special -- no matter his job, his height, biceps, jawline or whatever gets your heart running, remember he is JUST A MAN. Like all those others before him. OR those that'll follow him. He might be wrapped differently, but as soon as you unpack the gift, you'll be left with the same disappointing hollow of a human being. Remember, men are like buses, there's always going to be one in 15 mins. 10 if you're in a big city ;)
    Don't think "oh he's my soulmate" or "he's different!" after 2 dates. He ain't, sis. Until consistently proven for a LONG time, he is just another dick trying to get his wet no matter how he disguises it. Be smarter!

  5. Don't talk/text too much! Don't get used to "good-morning" or "good-night" or "how you doing" texts multiple times a day. Men use familiarity to breed emotional connection. Additionally if you use his messages as a dopamine hit -- you'll get addicted to it and consequently him. Only check your messages AFTER work for a short period of time and even better, use texting to set up in person dates. That's it. You don't need to tell him what kind of salad you had for lunch, girl- he don't care!
    Additionally, don't talk about him too much. He's not that important to you - don't bring him up with your friends, your hair-dresser, the lady sitting next to you on the metro, your dogs etc.

  6. Do not invest financially. Even if it's as small as taking a uber/metro to the restaurant he conveniently picked closer to his home. Say something inane like "oh I don't want to travel all the way in my pretty new skirt/ high heels/ my recently blow-dried hair!" He'll eat it up like you dressed up just for him / he needs to keep you safe (* eye roll *). Men LOVE to protect you, at least the ones that deserve your attention should. Obviously don't pay on dates. Remember the date should be convenient, fun and exciting to YOU.

  7. Bask in the impermanence of it all - remember men are temporary. They come and go. Will you ever find the one that stays with you for a lifetime? Maybe, but even if you don't you are a fulfilled lady. In the meantime, you enjoy the men that treat you like a queen, while remembering it's better to be single, taken out on dates and courted than be mistreated, constantly wondering why you aren't enough. Trust me, I've been there and done both!

  8. For God's sake, don't sweat the small stuff! Men don't sit around with their friends and overanalyze all the details. If you find yourself contemplating every little detail, STOP. Practice mindfulness. Bring your attention back to the present. Do what men do - relax. In other words, don't give a shit about guys. They certainly don't.
    To quote Seneca,
    > We suffer more in imagination than in reality.
    Now some very important points as reminders that have been covered a lot in the handbook!

  9. Keep a roaster of men, don't get exclusive in your head too quickly

  10. Don't get physical too soon

  11. Work on yourself like no one else will, because no one will. Buy that house, run that marathon, get that job. Thanks to our ancestors, we can earn just as men. USE THAT.

If I missed something, please add it in the comments, and let me know your thoughts!
Take care and have fun out there queens!