Women settle for psychopaths, they never seek them

Hellion_shark · 2022-03-15T18:20:31+00:00

Also, lots of abusive relationships become abusive later and not at the start.

_Terrible_Advice_ · 2022-03-15T12:48:23+00:00

That's intense. I'm gonna be thinking about that for a while now. Thanks for sharing.

lilycamilly · 2022-03-15T13:31:22+00:00

This is really well put!

Visible-Doughnut-782 · 2022-03-15T17:21:24+00:00

We often talk about the idea of woman being attracted to “bad boys” in the context of gender politics. The truth is though that human being in general( regardless of gender) are attracted to charismatic, dominant and sociopathic people that are ultimately detrimental to their own well being. You only have to look around at the state of the world and the leaders we vote in to rule over us to see how evident this is.

mjornir · 2022-03-15T16:24:52+00:00

This is brilliant-great insight! Women are attracted to men who are confident and self-assured; people with dark triad traits have those naturally ingrained because they have zero moral restraints and are purely selfish, so unfortunately they tend to be attractive for that reason. The rest of us with a moral code have to build those characteristics from scratch-but it IS possible to attain them.

AntiVictimhood · 2022-03-15T15:37:19+00:00

I don't know if I agree with the title of your post, that women settle for psychopaths.

Obviously the character Nate Jacobs is played by an extremely handsome and tall man. If these same dark triad personality traits were played by a less desirable man, I doubt the same number of women would find him attractive. Additionally, for those who haven't watched Euphoria, Nate is also an interesting character because of his complex past. He is grappling with his sexuality, he spent his life trying to protect his sexually deviant father and keep his family in tact, and we see that he has a very complicated relationship with his mother who is quite cruel to him, but in a more passive way.

I think reducing his appeal to his proximity to dark triad traits as a main point of appeal is a little simplistic.

the scariest things about Nate is how his worst traits are twisted versions of good traits

I totally disagree with this. His worst traits are that he is violent, he's dishonest, he's abusive towards both men and women, he's unpredictable, and he's emotionally volatile. Those are not twisted versions of good traits. They are dark triad traits. But those are not his main points of appeal imo.

While I disagree with this analysis in large part, I do love the concept that every single quality has a shadow side when taken to the extreme.

This was illustrated to me in most depth in my first relationship. My ex was a painfully empathetic man. He felt every emotion, he would be tormented and develop insomnia over the struggles of others. He could not watch someone endure hardship without doing everything in his power to help. He had absolutely zero tolerance for conflict which made him excessively agreeable.

This made him a very unstable person. He was willing to self sacrifice and literally go into debt for people who he felt compassion for. He excused abuse that was directed towards him from others because he saw the source of other people's pain. He was victimized a number of times and never reported these crimes because he didn't want to derail the lives of his abusers.

His level of empathy was completely dysfunctional. His empathy was a great asset in some contexts, and he had a reputation as being the man who would literally do anything to help anyone in need. So he was well liked. But he stretched himself way too thin. He didn't prioritize the people who loved him back because he was always giving himself to anyone who needed him- even when they were exploiting his generosity.

When I was first with him, I thought he was a total gem because he was just so sensitive and emotionally attuned. I used to think this was a good thing. After 3 years together I saw that his empathy was also his greatest dysfunction.

And it was with that experience that I really learned that every quality- whether it's recognized as a vice or virtue, is useful in moderation, and in at least some contexts.

I think a reason that some women are attracted to dark triad traits is that they lack that capacity to be disagreeable, to stand up for themselves, to assert firm boundaries, to fight back when it's warranted, to put themselves first. Since women are overrepresented in trait agreeableness, I think it's feasible that women who are highly agreeable may favour a partner who is more disagreeable to compensate for what they lack and vice versa.

they settle for villains because they have toxic versions of traits that are inherently positive.

I don't know. Irl I don't see many women settle for villains à la Nate Jacobs. I do see both men and women who are duped into relationships with someone who is manipulative and later reveals their true colours once this person is somewhat trapped. But I don't see women knowingly opt for abusers unless she is in a state of total desperation and dependence.

You might find this video interesting: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=S\_I8G1BWdLM&ab\_channel=TheraminTrees

difficultconcept · 2022-03-15T13:59:33+00:00

Illimitable Man wrote about The Dark Triad extensively. You should check out his blog if you're want to learn more about it.

Many women are attracted to Dark Triad men, but most of them would not dump or cheat on their boyfriend or husband with one of those men. That's where The Red Pill is wrong, hinting that Dark Triad men can screw every girl in town.

Naus1987 · 2022-03-15T15:07:23+00:00

One of the stories I heard when I was younger was a story about a "jock." That how a jock can be cruel and ruthless to chase his goals, but that he's always there for his team. It takes a team to be good at sports. He's a great ally, and a terrible rival.

Which would make him an amazing father. Children need a father who'll have the courage to be "the bad guy" while defending the children. Which is a straight often overlooked by passive men. If you let the world walk all over you -- how are you going to protect your kids? Your family? Are you gonna just sit back and let them get fucked over too. Sometimes being the "bad guy" is just a matter of perspective.

Ultimately, I don't think people are looking for a perfectly kind person to be nice to the world, but just treat them and their family/tribe well. A sociopath business man might treat his employees like shit, but he'll still lavish money and security upon his wife and kids.

No one is perfect, and that's for sure. I know I'm personally attracted to strong and fiery women, because I don't want to date someone who won't be a mama-bear and rip someone apart if they attack the family. Family comes first. I want someone who's strong enough to stand their ground if the time comes.

-----------

But that's why men like Captain America, or James Bond, or Batman appeal a lot to people. They can be 'nice,' but also strong enough to defend. The strength and courage to defend is a trait a lot of men are missing. And if you're not willing to stand up for yourself -- then what are you willing to stand up for?

Hell, that's one of those weird things that makes Homer Simpson a reasonably good family member. That dude will absolutely blow his reputation, and risk everything to protect his family.

heytheredelilah91 · 2022-03-15T20:10:34+00:00

Toxic manipulative people obviously have their bad side, but what people often don't realize is that they're good at love bombing too.

It's the same reason why regular dudes out there settle and stay with toxic women. They fall for their sweet side, stick with them through the toxic behaviors, hope it gets better but rarely does. Eventually if they have kids, marriage, and combined finances it gets harder to leave.

I've seen toxic relationships of a number of different types, sometimes it's the man who is abusive and controlling and sometimes its the woman. Mental illness is usually a factor, and sometimes the other partner is too traumatized to do anything at all.

I don't see it being much of a gendered issue.

petaura · 2022-03-15T19:31:31+00:00

Wow.

live_long_n_prosper · 2022-03-15T20:54:17+00:00

Total facts

Brighr51 · 2022-03-15T13:55:45+00:00

That's an interesting way of putting it.

I've always believed you are more whole when you embrace your shadow self and let it be part of your life. It is better than denying it exists, one way or another, it comes out. Best to have balance.

Problem is, society doesn't really help people embrace this nuance, especially in men's case. A lot of these traits get shunned and labelled inherently evil based upon the actions of the top 20% of men who have committed atrocities. I feel like the majority of the mainstream don't notice this apex fallacy, but only a small fraction of feminists do.

Fickle_Turn_5456 · 2022-03-16T03:40:05+00:00

Word of advice, stop thinking about women, stop making it the vocal point of your existence, just improve yourself and be better than you were yesterday..and chicks will show you attention

AnimatorLast2256 · 2022-03-19T17:04:12+00:00

It also have to do with women growing up with abusive male figures. I remember reading a study that said that women who grow up with an abusive father or any other male figure are more likely to get into relationships with abusive guys because they are the only type of men they are familiar with.

Title	Women settle for psychopaths, they never seek them
Author	ghettobutmellow
Upvotes	93
Comments	30
Date	March 15, 2022 12:03 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/teneh3/women_settle_for_psychopaths_they_never_seek_them/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/women-settle-for-psychopaths-they-never-seek-them.1107467 https://theredarchive.com/post/1107467

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