Mental help

SudetenNachkomme · 2022-04-07T16:24:13+00:00

You’re in good company in this group mate. Talk with someone - definitely see a therapist - get in the gym, and grind out a new routine for your life. The first year is hell. Embrace it - don’t shy away from it - and train yourself to look on this as a new lease on life, as you grieve the death of your old one. Healing will come.

As Peterson says - “Treat yourself like you’re someone worth helping.”

You’ll pull through this. If you need help getting started - I’ll refer you to a friend of mine who helped me through the aftermath of my divorce (he’s a personal trainer; helped me drop 30lbs and recalibrate my relationship with food after the dust of my divorce caused it to spiral out of control). You have resources available to you. Don’t give up.

GrotusMaximus · 2022-04-07T14:58:28+00:00

Hey, buddy, you’re not alone. There’s a lot of men out here who care. Talk to a pro. There’s no shame in it; None. Best of luck.

Jbij06 · 2022-04-07T15:42:24+00:00

Look up Briffault’s Law and hypergamy. She clearly found your replacement and this is why it's so easy for women to move on so quickly. It's called monkey branching. Go to YouTube and look up red pill videos. Coach Greg Adams has great content. It's time to heal and live life from now on in your terms. Seek self validation by becoming the best version of yourself and find happiness from within. God speed on your journey to recovery.

Skurvee · 2022-04-07T16:23:46+00:00

Come join the Whatsapp group for divorced men

https://chat.whatsapp.com/EzvkrF1pqejLbsQ9YEA7dv

Udjebfk · 2022-04-07T20:04:19+00:00

Keep avoiding the bottle. Let me repeat that. Keep avoiding the bottle.

I'm sorry you are going through this. It sucks and it will keep on sucking. But believe me, it will get better.

Exercise, diet, sunshine, firends...you know, the usual advice. Just hang in there. It will really suck for a while, and it will get worse before it gets better, but it will get better., Best wishes. PM anytime.

One_Last_Hero_ · 2022-04-07T20:39:27+00:00

I went through this recently. 18 yr marriage 1 kid and she got married 4 months later.

I, was lost, hurt and so mentally drained. I moved to a new city Austin,TX no friends only family.

My advice dont drink yet, just don't do it. Secondly, its ok to cry, feel the pain and think about the times. But, dont drown in them pain is only temporary. You will have a lot of moments the pain is controlled focus on that and take care of yourself. Talk about your emotions with family and friends they will hear you and empathize with you as well. They might not have the answers your looking for but it helps. I'm taking prozac because I wanted the pain gone it doesnt go away complete but it can be controlled.

I forgot to mention, 5 months after her new marriage she ask for me back true story. But I already gone through a lot and worked so hard to pieced myself back together. I'm single, new apt and I've met new people, life goes on and its there waiting for you. Stay strong brother!

No_more_BPD_2020 · 2022-04-07T18:08:07+00:00

This was the most difficult thing I ever did. I went to therapy 3 times a week to hold me together enough to get through. Best thing I ever did. It was too much to handle alone.

Odd-Magician-7638 · 2022-04-08T02:19:13+00:00

You’re definitely not alone. There are countless other people going through the same thing. I don’t say that to diminish what you’re feeling, but to show you how not alone you are. There’s a lot of support out there and in here. Do something you love even if it’s by yourself, visit with friends and family, find a new hobby, or resurrect an old hobby; stay busy. Do the one thing you haven’t been able to do in a while, focus on yourself.

ProfanusHeathen · 2022-04-08T02:29:11+00:00

I feel your pain. Married for 12 years, separated a year ago, and there's still not a day goes by that I don't miss her.

whatskeeping · 2022-04-08T03:00:05+00:00

I'm on the back side man it gets better. Stay cool 😎

dadmacintosh · 2022-04-08T03:26:09+00:00

Like what the others said, do see a therapist. A man if possible. Why do you feel the way you do? Finances? Loneliness? Poor health? Where is your anxiety coming from? I know it is hard to be rational in your situation. But do remember even this shall pass. Get a hobby. Cycling helps me to this day. Ride 30 miles somewhere quiet. That’s two to three hours to clear your mind. Wish you well.

GraaviGala85 · 2022-04-08T12:35:43+00:00

It will feel horrible as long as it needs. Hell even after months and months I still feel like crying all day but slowly it is getting better. You will bounce back from this. But it is important you give yourself time to go through the emotions. Cry, yell, hit something (but do not break anything!), take your time. This is now your time to be yourself and allow yourself to think of no one else than you. Start doing things that you always wanted but could nor for any reason.
Healing will take time, and there is no set date you have to be done with. If this will take 1 year then allow yourself that time.
It is good that you are avoiding the bottle, it will lead you nowhere good. I am not saying that you stop drinking, but going overboard is not the key.

You WILL feel better one day. I promise you this, and I believe that you will also one day just wake up and smile and feel good about things. Think of all this as one chapter ending and another starting. Act1 in movie has ended, and this is now act2 where all seems lost but you will rise up to Act3 as stronger lead of your own story!

BoobFett · 2022-04-08T13:39:19+00:00

Hang in there man. I found out 2 days ago that she thinks she'd prefer to be alone that married to me. I am looking at a 1 room rental today so it's still new, raw, fresh. The pain gets overwhelming I know...but don't give up as hard as it gets you are loved and people care for you. Talk to someone - friends, family, professional it doesn't matter but don't go through this alone. Stay strong.

WalrusTeamSix · 2022-04-08T15:23:45+00:00

It’s like you’re the same person as me. I have been with my soon to be ex-wife for almost 12 years. We would have been married 10 years in January. Two girls who are the love of my wife. There’s so much goddamn pain. And I keep looking at people on certain boards who see the pain is going to last forever. I can’t imagine living with this pain. I put on a brave face in front of my daughters but I cry all the time.

SnooStories5744 · 2022-04-08T06:28:35+00:00

You’re not alone brother. You can’t see this yet, but it’s a process. Seek professional help first, slowly these feelings will lessen. Everyone is here to help. In the meantime, just breathe and try to exercise or distract yourself by keeping busy with chores. You got this!

HaHaNoOneLikesYou · 2022-04-09T13:37:53+00:00

you're not alone, man. my wife dropped the "I'm not happy and don't think this is gonna work" bomb on me in november after 11 years together (married for 7 1/2.) we did discernment counseling until January and then moved to actual couple's counseling where divorce was supposed to be "off the table" for six months. two weeks ago, twenty minutes before our session was supposed to start, she told me she "loved me but wasn't IN love with me anymore" and wanted a divorce. in the two months we made it into traditional marriage counseling, we missed half of our sessions (due to weather and scheduling) but we also missed a few because she was totally apathetic to alternatives to in-person therapy (like tele-health due to weather.) I knew she wasn't fully invested from the start but I held out hope that it would work.

once she told me it was over, she changed immediately. she became cold. uncaring. started going out more. not coming home. all while saying she still wants to be great friends.

it has been brutal. there are bad days and the are worse days. I look forward to the days that I'm angry and bitter because it gives me a break from the crying and crippling dispair.

people tell me it'll get better and it's hard to imagine but I do hope it will. I've cut back on my drinking. still hit it hard once in awhile but never alone anymore. only when I'm hanging out with friends. if you have kids, focus on them. I've found journaling helps a great deal, too. even within my journaling I've seen some subtle changes in thinking. it's really helped me realize it's over and that I really don't deserve to be with someone that doesn't really care about me. it still hurts and I'm still madly in love with her. I miss her so much... but I also find myself looking forward to or at least accepting that this is done and that I need to start a new life alone.

as cliché as all of it sounds, you'll get there, man. for real. if you're not in therapy, get into that, too. that's an absolute must.

Title	Mental help
Author	Malaine1
Upvotes	10
Comments	19
Date	April 7, 2022 1:52 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/tydkze/mental_help/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/mental-help.1110912 https://theredarchive.com/post/1110912

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