How long?

warrior_up · 2022-04-05T02:23:44+00:00

Talk to a doc, nothing wrong with getting a little help out of the hole.

Divorce is traumatic - takes as long as it takes.

oli_21_ · 2022-04-05T02:48:57+00:00

Buddy, I am coming up on the one year mark. Yesterday while on my motorcycle trip a song from our wedding came on after 20 years of marriage.

Then when I went to sleep last night it was like the whole night I dreamed out we used to hang out and stuff.

I know that we're never getting back together. She is dead to me in that sense....she cheated on me and dragged me thru hell for a long time till we were finalized.

The best way I can describe this process is that it's like a necessary purge or detox that must take place in order to move forward with my life.

I will say that when this happens it seems to get easier and easier.

I just went thru the acceptance phase recently. How do I know that? Well I did wish any harm or death upon her for the first time in a long time. I knew I must be in the acceptance phase at that point.

Others have recommended therapist and so forth. That's great advice but can be pricey. If you have a trusted family member or close friend you can talk to about these things. Also, maybe you know someone that has went thru a divorce that can understand and share with.

We gotta just keep moving forward. One step at a time. Slow but sure.

All the best my friend. DM or chat if you'd like.

Webofshadows1 · 2022-04-05T04:16:57+00:00

The gym should be your best friend. You don’t need to go overboard, but it will take your mind off things. Plus you will feel better about yourself mentally as you look better physically.

crypto_keeper88 · 2022-04-05T12:34:27+00:00

2 years minimum if you have been doing the therapy and self improvement path. Much longer if you don't do the work to heal on your own.

DeletedLastAccount · 2022-04-05T04:24:59+00:00

I'm on year six or so, I've kind of come to terms with it.

odannyboySF · 2022-04-05T05:58:37+00:00

I’m on year two. It’s a process. Every week I feel about 1% better. So there’s not a lot of difference week to week or even month to month but a few chunks of months does feel better. Hang in there.

TrollCityBlunder · 2022-04-05T13:53:59+00:00

Time works diff for everyone. But I would def talk to a doc and see if that helps.

Perhaps a routine change? Change of place? Workout? Diet?

SoonToBDivorced · 2022-04-05T02:23:45+00:00

It's a process. If you're not seeing a therapist I'd highly recommend doing so. I'm a year and a half out from when she quit on the marriage and have been through high and lows. Struggling with anxiety right now myself but working everyday to get better. Life is and can be pretty damn good if we can just get out of our own heads!

Don't be afraid to go on medication other. You're stronger for admitting you need some help rather than bottling it up.

Ok-LockenX · 2022-04-05T03:16:38+00:00

It takes time to heal. Eat fewer junk foods/drinks. Work out, socialize with new people, and pick up a hobby. Especially see a therapist; they help! I am still getting divorced five months after discovering her infidelity, and she won’t admit it. She blames me for everything. She is just trying to make an excuse to leave a marriage that is my fault. So the therapist helped me through, and it helped!

I’m still not getting over her, and she got over me completely within two months.

major92653 · 2022-04-05T04:00:42+00:00

For me, it took a year.

Went through all the holidays, the kids summer breaks, school… all that. After one year, things weren’t as new or strange anymore.

I did a therapist for the next 5 years, used prescribed medications and exercise.

I’m about 6 years past the separation, 5 from the divorce. It’s good.

CowlickCarl · 2022-04-05T04:02:29+00:00

OP it’s been years for me and I’m just now starting to feel free. Don’t put time pressure on yourself. Other posters here have great habits you should follow. But here is my tip: accept the suck. Don’t get frustrated with it. You are healing. It will take time. Just observe and accept your down days. Good luck.

RedPillLense · 2022-04-06T14:14:06+00:00

For me, it took a good 5 years. But what I can share with you is that it all depends on you. I started dating right after we split up. In fact, I was really enjoying myself but yes, I was deeply broken inside because I was still mourning the death of my marriage and the breakup of my family unit. You gotta find your way now: start a workout routine, learn a new skill/trade, read books, go fishing/golfing, get a dog, groom better or get back to school to learn photography or whatever your intrigues you. What I'm saying is that you can be depressed forever if you're just going sit around and do nothing. Life is way too short to let it all go for a woman who doesn't deserve you. You can also download the "Meetup" app and join a hiking/camping/running group. Go out and meet people! That's my humble opinion on this. It will get better, I promise you. For now, you just gotta roll with the punches. Oh yeah, one last thing, if you can do so, get a therapist so you can talk about your issues. Speaking to a therapist really helped me out.

Title	How long?
Author	tactical_sweatpants
Upvotes	16
Comments	23
Date	April 5, 2022 2:14 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/twk4x9/how_long/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/how-long.1111251 https://theredarchive.com/post/1111251

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