I’m sorry for such a long post, but there’s a TLDR at the bottom.

I want to live more traditionally and be feminine but I was raised with a very heavy feminist influence. I’m a newlywed and even though I am now anti feminism, I feel it leaking into my marriage at times. I live in a very liberal city where being a traditional wife is basically unheard of, and feminism is the norm. I am regularly criticized for living a more redpill life.

Here’s my background. My parents are conservative but not necessarily traditional. I was raised to believe I need to go into debt to go to college and pursue a high powered career. Marriage would be an afterthought. I grew up watching my mom being controlling toward my dad and unsubmissive.

I had another family member help raise me who was outright a liberal man hating feminist (she divorced her husband and broke up the family to focus on her business.) She CONSTANTLY drilled it in my head that men are unreliable and bad and I need to focus on my career and be independent. She even said it’s oppressive for women to take a man’s last name and share finances. She constantly steam rolled over men she dated after her divorce, and emasculated them. (I’ve sense then cut this woman out of my life.)

I was never taught how to be a good wife or how to have a great marriage. Going with what I learned growing up, I went to college and began to put my career first.

This goes without saying, but college only solidified my beliefs. I had to take a couple of women’s studies classes and they were very anti-traditionalism and anti-men. I also studied something artistic and people in the arts are extremely progressive.

Now you have my background. In 2020, when my bf and I were headed toward marriage, I discovered the redpill by watching femininity YouTubers and then going down the rabbit hole. This changed everything. For the first time, I questioned my feminist beliefs… it just made so much more sense and felt peaceful. I wanted to become a traditional wife. I began embodying some of the redpill suggestions such as being more submissive and cooking for my then boyfriend. Also, focusing on my femininity though my energy, mannerisms, and appearance. I stepped into my feminine energy for the first time. It made such a difference in my relationship and really improved it.

My boyfriend and I got married in 2021, and I became a homemaker. A few months later, I discovered a “certain” woman’s dating subreddit that’s heavily feminist. What appealed to me about this subreddit is I never really herd of feminism that’s from the perspective of an anti-porn lense and criticizes mainstream liberal feminism. (Basically the feminism we see that encourages young women to sleep around and get an onlyfans. I have always rejected this, so it was refreshing to find a feminist perspective that also rejects this.) However this subreddit is highly toxic and puts men down and basically advocates for criticizing your man, using men, and being unfeminine.

I also had some very inappropriate comments about me being a homemaker from family members and acquaintances. For example, I was literally told to make a secret bank account and hide it from my husband “just incase.” I obviously didn’t do this, but when you are surrounded by this kind of message, it’s hard not to feel lost.

I slipped up and began to internalize this. My husband has been nothing but amazing toward me, and I take responsibility for what happened next. My husband and I began arguing and I would look for flaws. I began to believe he would leave me and I needed to become more career oriented again and become more independent. This was from a place of fear, not faith.

One night we had the most horrendous fight and I realized it was all my fault. I had slipped back into my old programming and had given in to modern day societies view of men, projecting that onto my husband. I immediately unfollowed anything that had feminist teachings. I discovered the Laura Doyle podcast and have been binging it (I’m about to read the book as well!) I began watching femininity videos on YouTube again. And things have been SO. MUCH. BETTER.

So my question is, how do I avoid slipping back into my old programming? How do I let go of toxic feminist beliefs for good? I have many family members and acquaintances who try to project their beliefs onto me as well, how do I stop internalizing this?? I just want to learn to be a good wife and have a wonderful marriage.

TLDR; I was raised as a feminist but have discovered the redpill and am living more traditionally. How do I stop toxic feminism from leaking into my marriage, especially when I’m surrounded by it?