I need to get this off my chest and help process my thoughts, my head is spinning from all the possibilities. This is an update from my previous post regarding the decision to tell my wife that I intend to proceed with divorce or to withdraw my filing. Thanks for all the responses. I absolutely am over analyzing and its not a good look to anyone who can see that, including my SBTX. Indecision is a weakness, even if you are mulling your options in a thorough and logical manner.

Yesterday around lunch time, we scheduled time to talk. I tried my best not to touch on history and to look forward. We both got a little teary eyed, however she just needed to re-assure me that her tears were not meant for me, but for the impact it will have on our daughter. There was alot of back and forth and dialogue that revolved around "if/then" and "never" statements.

We also talked about terms. I agreed that I am willing to live with her in the same house for up to 2 more years so that our daughter can continue going to montessori school up until she is eligible for public school. My wife is still stuck on sole physical custody and requiring that I goto therapy, be able to speak to my therapist and have visibility into the session records.

She also started talking about life after divorce with a significant other, saying that she will immediately start dating once/if we come to a divorce agreement. That whatever she's with will be seeing my daughter more and how the only way I will be able to maintain a good relationship with my daughter is if I stay remain alone because women with kids, women who don't want kids or a woman who I have a child with will despise my own child. She says this, because that is how SHE thinks.

I stuck to my guns and concluded that we should continue down the path to divorce. THAT SAID, because of the fear I have in losing my daughter and the threats that my wife will hate me for opposing her sole custody, the language I used to talk to her was not very direct or concrete. When I talk about this, I tend to leave the door slightly ajar as though there is an unexplored possibility that things will turn around.

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The thoughts that haunt me to stay:

  • "You might regret not trying one last time, its your daughter's life we're talking about"
  • "She is capable of being sweet and loving, look at all these wonderful photo memories where you two were happy"
  • "You're a jerk and you could of been more supportive after she gave child birth, you need to make it up to her and then she will melt in your hands"
  • "She's acting clearly acting better. You don't truly know if its an act until you actually withdraw divorce. If she keeps being nice, then you spooked her straight and regained enough frame for the marriage"
  • "There is no physical violence, drugs or affairs going on. Your problems do not warrant divorce!"

I sometimes think to myself, what's the worst that can happen if I withdraw? Its $10K we throw away for a chance to make things better and at least another year of delay.

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The thoughts that haunt me to stay the course:

  • "Its been 6 months since you first filed and she still has not met your expectation, she's had the chance and chose to blow it"
  • If I withdraw...
    • "She is going to become emboldened and revert back into some poor behavior"
    • "She is going to respect you even less than today"
    • "She is going to be even more enraged if I re-file for divorce later down the road"

I've had little sleep. At night I started looking at the photos she put on the wall of us and our wedding and photo shoots with our daughter. I gave a call to my parents and wanted to discuss my situation. Finances are a big pain point for us and I brain stormed with my parents on a stupid idea. "If she is willing to have her work checks deposited into my account and then I only give her X money for her account every month" then that will show me that she is committed to this relationship and will have skin in the game. I texted her to talk to me first thing in the morning (likely giving her false hope), only to backtrack later.

I told her that I spoke to my attorney and he mentioned that we can postpone our pre-trial hearing (its currently 3 months out), which would buy us time to try to reconcile. She of course has continued to refuse - telling me that she can't "heal" while a court date is still pending.