How do I get rid of my extremely sexist/victim blaming mindset?

Grappleheart · 2022-10-30T16:59:49+00:00

First try therapy. But if therapy is not an option here are some things you can do.

Post this in Bropill. That is a very healthy community that can help you work through this and they can give you a lot of good insight.

Secondly to help with the issue put yourself in the woman's shoes. Try to increase your empathy for people in general and eventually it will hit women as well.

Thirdly try to develop non sexual relationships with women and learn to close your mouth and listen without speaking. Ask questions and let them talk.

Mrs-Salt · 2022-10-30T18:35:02+00:00

I think it's a fantastic first step that you recognize that these ideas about women are misogynist and that you want to work on them. I think that's the hardest part. If you don't have any nonsexual female friendships, working on that would be a great next step.

spiraldinosaur · 2022-10-30T18:51:45+00:00

I think the best solution here is to spend more time with women and listening to women. You need to hear their perspectives and take it on board. One of the best ways to develop empathy with people is to be around them and to listen to them to get a deeper understanding of their perspective. And in the meantime to cut out any media that feeds these negative ideas that you keep coming back to.

One hot tip on the promiscuity front: remember that being promiscuous is largely about bodily autonomy. Someone choosing to have casual sex is doing nothing wrong, so long as they are treating their partners with respect, and it is entirely possible to have a one night stand with someone in a respectful way. It is not your, nor anyone else's place to tell other people how they should have sex, how often they should have sex, and who they should have that sex with. If someone wants to abstain for their whole life, or have sex with a different person every day, bares absolutely zero consequence on anyone but themselves.

SweelFor- · 2022-10-30T19:01:58+00:00

First, wherever you learned this from, cut it away. Unsubscribe from the youtube channels, unsubscribe from the subreddits, stop talking to the people who taught you this. Stop letting these ideas enter your brain. It will make the rest much easier.

Second, learn correct psychology. Misoginy, red pill ideas, etc, are incorrect psychology. The solution is to learn correct ideas instead, which is psychology.

I recommend you watch this channel and videos for example:

https://youtu.be/MrGgZTTL6pc

https://youtu.be/EwULU0jceDw

https://youtu.be/d04-3YOZV6Q

I recommend that you watch 10 videos. Then 20, then 50. However long you spent hearing incorrect ideas that led you to this mindset, spend as much time or more listening to good ideas that will lead you to a correct and healthy mindset.

Third, it is likely that you will need therapy to recover from this mindset and to learn how to form healthy relationships again.

mylesaway2017 · 2022-10-30T16:47:22+00:00

I think therapy would be the best place to start. It takes time and effort to unlearn all the toxic bullshit we've been taught. Give yourself the space and grace to change.

Academic_Type624 · 2022-10-31T00:09:57+00:00

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Justscrolling133 · 2022-10-31T00:31:52+00:00

I think the biggest skill any person can learn is the invaluable tool of critical thinking. Basically, the premise is to look beyond a specific situation and ask yourself 'why'. 'Why' is a very powerful question when trying to understand the determinants that lead an individual to make certain decisions in life.

I'm going to focus on the abuse situation that you mentioned because I feel people have touched on the sexual side already.

Social determinants are factors that influence men's and women's outcomes in life. These include education, wealth, culture, health conditions, where a person may live, and gender. Everybody's life is shaped differently based on these, and it's important to remember not everything is so black and white (good and bad).

You may see a woman with four kids stay with an abusive partner and think she must be weak, especially since she has kids she should protect. However, if you truly take the time to sit down and question 'why' she stayed, you may find there is a lot more to it.

Education: She may not have received a decent education growing up so her job opportunities are restricted to low earning potential.

Culture: She may have grown up in an environment that demoralised divorce and would be outcasted for not trying hard enough or failing her family and children if she was to leave. Also, there may be a strong pressure to have many children due to religious beliefs where birth control was criticised and hard to access.

Wealth: He may control all the finances, and if she were to take her children she wouldn't be able to provide for them. Risking the abusive father getting custody. Also if she doesn't have family support (some people are blessed with this and often take for granted how difficult life can be without it), she may not be able to provide for her children so endures the abuse to their livelihood.

Health conditions: Perhaps she looks after the children and if she were to leave would have access to her partner's health insurance. Or is unable to find or sustain adequate employment because of this.

Locality: Where a person is born and lives really shapes their perspective of relationships. Now abortion is restricted in many states without financial or social support, women can be tied for life to abusive partners or husbands. Often abuse ramps up significantly once children are involved, again, for a variety of different reasons.

So I implore you, next time you find yourself judging somebody for their circumstances. Really take the time to think (or ask the person directly), why they found themselves or are still in that situation. They may be reasons you can't understand or relate to because your life experience has been so different, but life is complex for a lot of people.

Also, I really recommend going out of your way to read some academic literature on these issues. Avoid 'opinion' pieces of social media because these a heavily biased rather than factually based.

Next time your first inclination is to judge, stop and actually question "why".

sleepy_sunflower · 2022-10-31T14:32:02+00:00

Thank you for taking a step back to recognize how problematic your thought patterns towards women are. Most people are not good at critically examining their own biases, so you've already done a lot of important work.

You really, really need to reframe the way you think about women's sexuality and desire. I know it's not easy to just magically change the way you think about things, but really try to internalize a different perspective by telling it to yourself over and over. Remind yourself that women get horny and crave sexual pleasure, just like men. Women enjoy sex, just like men. Sex isn't something that men do to women and women allow to be done to them, sex is an activity that men and women mutually agree to participate in, to do together. The respect you have for yourself -- meaning how well you listen to your own needs and boundaries, how much you appreciate yourself, how you expect others to treat you -- doesn't have anything to do with how promiscuous you are (sure, people can have unhealthy sexual patterns that come from a lack of self respect, but people can also engage in mutually consensual casual sex in totally healthy ways). Women are not locks, men are not keys. We're all humans with complex emotions and complex desires, and science does not support theories about innately different sexualities between men and women. Keep telling yourself all of that.

Initial_Instance8457 · 2022-10-30T16:52:59+00:00

Great on you that you acknowledged your issue. Honestly, it sounds like you just need more empathy. We never truly understand the situations of others until we see/experience them ourselves first hand. With the abusive relationship thing, I had a friend in the same situation and I was the same. “She does it to herself by staying.” I was her only girl best friend and I would tell her it’s not hard to leave if she doesn’t like him. Once I saw what was going on, I completely understood and I felt terrible for the advice I gave. TLDR: he had too much leverage over her when it came to money, other personal relationships, (she didn’t have many any friends on her own but his friends were hers. Feared losing them if she left her bf) etc. and honestly, men who abuse 99.9% of the time have one of those dark tirad personality types. Those kinds of people are dangerous because they are incredible manipulators. I saw him “make up” for everything he did by taking her to expensive trips and being beyond the model boyfriend. It was all a facade to keep her hoping that he’s different. My point is man, just talk to people. I reserve the same stances as you do most of the time but I apply the same standards to men. In my head, guys in porn are cowards, men who marry gold diggers are at the fault of their own, and promiscuous men are nothing but low value mutts that need to be neutered. Bad right? Exactly. Hopefully it puts into perspective what you’re thinking about women

Unusual_Singer8798 · 2022-10-31T08:53:02+00:00

Why do you slut shame women in pOrn but also watch it??!!?!? Yeah thats someones daughter and I dont like pyrn (tho I dont mind people having s.ex in private). But you watch it, so? You dont need to like it but I dont get this insanely sexist double Standards which is a mental illness to me.

If you feel disgusted by female bodies, naked bodies and their sexuality, dont watch it. Or go to therapy. Listen Im not said you cant dislike very vular stuff. But you also shame women who are having s.ex in private...with their boyfriends and maybe some more men or so...be a lil more tolerant of that at least.

Also that victim blaming....would you blame Johnny Depp?! Just always ask yourself if you would feel the same about a male victim. I think that can help.

You are sexist and irrational. Its good you see that this isnt normal. I would say therapy is the best option. Also try to realize women are humans that are just as f up and silly as men and thus shouldnt ve hold to much higher Standards.

tomowudi · 2022-10-31T16:16:32+00:00

Honestly, therapy can help with this. You probably have some unprocessed trauma around these ideas, and so you are having what's called "intrusive thoughts" about them. These are showing up for you as cognitive distortions which you are doing a great job of identifying why they are unhealthy for yourself - so good job on that! That's part of changing your mindset: https://positivepsychology.com/cognitive-distortions/

The trick is you have to recognize these cognitive distortions without being motivated by shame to change them. Instead, it helps to focus on feeling proud of yourself for RECOGNIZING them as distorted, understanding WHY they are distorted, because that completes the train of thought BEYOND the initial, fallacious conclusion. Honestly, just being able to laugh at yourself every time you recognize that you are essentially "being silly" is a great target to shoot for with something like this.

You have to recognize that everyone has negative thought patterns and unfair judgements about others. We will often "blame" people because its an easy way to discharge our discomfort for our own feelings - it literally is a way for us to offload responsibility for dealing with our own feelings.

You seem stuck in a cycle of having a thought you feel ashamed of, and then focusing on all the reasons you should feel ashamed of the thought, which can lead to you rationalizing why your thought is "reasonable" which is a subtle way of "blaming others" for the feeling of shame associated with the initial thought.

Instead you should try to "break the cycle" that starts with having a thought you feel ashamed of, recognizing why its a shameful thought to have, FORGIVING yourself for the thought by recognizing it wasn't a thought you WANTED to have, laughing at how bad your own thoughts can make you feel about yourself, being GREATFUL that you recognized the shameful thought before acting on it, and giving credit to yourself for examining your thoughts and wanting to improve the quality of it, before finally recommiting yourself to keeping up the good work of making sure you aren't just acting on the first thought that pops into your head because you are being wise enough to look a bit deeper.

Because the surest sign that you ARE a good person and that you are doing GREAT is that you are recognizing unhealthy thoughts and when you recognize them, you are WANT to shift them.

That's all it really takes. You are trying, and its going to be a process you have to practice.

Just keep practicing, maybe get a therapist to help you practice and navigate the complex feelings associated with, and consider that maybe some of these thought patterns aren't anything you CHOSE, its just something you learned that you need to unlearn so you can replace it with a healthier habit.

Connie3c · 2022-11-01T08:15:13+00:00

I have no sympathy for people like this, it’s not that hard to understand that women deserve to be just as free, happy, equal and all the above but I guess since your “seeking” help I’d say JUST STOP SEEING WOMEN AS LESS💯

SweelFor- · 2022-10-30T18:30:47+00:00

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hotmama-45 · 2022-12-05T01:47:51+00:00

Is your dad the same way? These things can be generational. Maybe your dad is misogynistic as well?

Title	How do I get rid of my extremely sexist/victim blaming mindset?
Author	Responsible_Hippo842
Upvotes	29
Comments	53
Date	October 30, 2022 4:30 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/yhilu4/how_do_i_get_rid_of_my_extremely_sexistvictim/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-do-i-get-rid-of-my-extremely-sexistvictim.1137685 https://theredarchive.com/post/1137685

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