Women of this sub, what advice can you give me to move on in a healthy way?

Exis007 · 2022-11-02T16:44:46+00:00

The point of being vulnerable to someone really has very little to do with them, their trustworthiness, or how well they treat you. We are vulnerable with each other selfishly. I let people in, I share myself with them, not because I can 100% trust each and every person to behave appropriately and respectfully. I do it because it's literally the only way to form deep and intimate relationships with other people, which is a thing I want. I want intimacy, the path to intimacy is vulnerability, and so I am vulnerable with people as a result. It's about me proactively seeking a way to have my own needs met.

And so, when I meet someone whose basically a fuckwad of a person and they treat me badly, make fun of me, share my secrets, and otherwise betray me...that's really unfortunate. But mostly for them. It really tells me that there's something really wrong with them that they aren't functioning as an adult, and that's sad, but there's nothing I'm going to do to fix it. And yes, I can feel really hurt by the experience because the experience is painful. Of course it's painful! But the problem wasn't some flaw in me, some malfunction in me. It's a problem inside of them. Maybe I was foolish to trust them, maybe I made a bad choice in getting close to that person, but ultimately they are the one with the psychic wound.

There are lessons to learn, of course. I might take some time and reflect about what the red flags were there that might have alerted me that this person wasn't well and I'm going to integrate that information into how I vet people in the future before I offer them intimacy. That's important. But what I'm generally not going to do is refuse to be intimate and vulnerable with people in the future because, despite the fact that this experience was painful, I am not going to cut off my nose to spite my face. I still deserve intimacy and deep relationships with people. My behavior wasn't the problem here. I want to use this experience to make better selections in terms of the people I bring into my life, but I don't want this experience to damage me or my ability to connect deeply, because I'm then only letting this person hurt me more deeply. I want to mitigate the damage this experience has had on me and use it to build a better understanding of who I do and don't want in my life. If I let this experience stop me from having great relationships with healthy people because I made a mistake this one time with an unhealthy person, I'm just letting this fuckwad rent space in my head. And I don't deserve that.

Future-Basket-7623 · 2022-11-02T19:10:56+00:00

Bro. I was hurt. The pain hurts. I would shower and feel the pain the most. But it slowly washes away. Shower after shower. Day after day. Eventually those things won’t effect you. And you will get on with you. Trust. Also gym. Endorphins, and adrenaline will help De-rail the bad thought patterns. Meaning. Run, hard, far, and don’t stop till you puke. The only thing that will be on your mind is survival. At least that’s how I get though shit. Also naruto uzamaki. 1000 episodes of pure joy.

LillyPeu2 · 2022-11-02T14:48:19+00:00

🫂💜 I'm sorry your so-called friend betrayed your trust and mocked you to others. She is a shit person. You didn't deserve that, at all.

Regardless, you should set it in your mind to be done with her. For your own mental health and self worth, resist any urges to message her, get in a last point about how wrong or hurtful she was, etc. Every time you do that, you re-traumatize yourself, letting yourself be a raw wound, and it resets the healing and scar-building process. Because it is just that: your emotions and feelings need to build up a scar to protect themselves.

If I may ask, what was the context of your dynamic or relationship with her? Was she someone you knew well, like a good friend? Or was she only relatively recently in your life? How did you meet? Was she a regular part of your life?

I ask these questions because I wonder how you're meeting women you're interested in, if maybe you're seeking the wrong women in the wrong places ("wrong" for you, not in some absolute sense or scale). I'd like to help more, but I'd need more context.

Regardless of any details, one thing is NOT context-dependent: she treated you badly, and what she did was inexcusable. I'm sorry that she did that to you.

Ok-Blacksmith-9418 · 2022-11-03T13:27:33+00:00

Basically learn that women have to deal with this kind of thing from men all our lives and still have to acquire mature thoughts on love.

Academic_Type624 · 2022-11-03T13:23:44+00:00

It can really hurt being rejected like that.

The thing is that you as a person is about so much more than just one person's perception of you. Get to know yourself, and figure out what is good about you and what you like.

It sucks when the person you like doesn't want you back but that's just them showing you that they were never the right person for you anyway. The right person in your life will want you warts and all.

Rook_Cross · 2022-11-04T20:56:13+00:00

That behavior speaks of her lacking and not yours. Normal, good people, share their emotions. If other make fun of them, that's a black mark on those others. Don't let it sour you on sharing your feelings. Be a bit more careful on who you trust, try to gauge if they are trustworthy, not just someone you want to fantasize as being trustworthy. That said, it's still often painful, even if you didn't do anything wrong. It can take time to get over it and learn to build, and maintain self esteem, in the face of painful or embarrassing situations. People tend to build self esteem by bettering themselves, reaching a goal. So set a small goal, reach it, then a medium one and on. Don't beat yourself up, talk kindly to yourself, be encouraging. It can take time to change your inner dialogue. Don't use the badness of others as an excuse to become bad and self destructive yourself. Figure out what you want in life and go after it, step by step. Just make sure it's actually something good, and not like "I want to sleep with a lot of hot women", you know. Otherwise you might find yourself disappointed again seeking the wrong things. Everybody has set backs and upsets. What matters is how we choose, and it is a choice, to react to them. Change your thoughts and you change your feelings, your actions and your results. Then in the future, should this happen again, it won't phase you the same way. but being rejected is a part of life. Gotta learn to accept the bad and the good.

zapadz · 2022-11-05T09:17:04+00:00

Not a woman but try this

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7L2MzmE8cwo

Stargazer1919 · 2022-11-08T23:48:40+00:00

It's a form of trauma. You have to accept it was traumatic for you. Acknowledge that it sucked, it did happen, and it hurt you.

Then you find new ways to move on with your life. Meet new people, try new hobbies, give yourself goals, give yourself happy things to look forward to.

See a therapist if possible to help yourself process it. Trust me, it's totally worth it.

Eventually you'll be like "that was some bullshit, it's behind me now, I'm onto bigger and better things."

She was shitty to you and probably a shitty person. Hurt people hurt other people. You don't have to forgive her if you don't want to. But putting it into context should help. It might not have even been about you personally, maybe she was dealing with her own shit. It doesn't make it right but it should help you move past the humiliation.

Title	Women of this sub, what advice can you give me to move on in a healthy way?
Author	Brighr51
Upvotes	28
Comments	24
Date	November 2, 2022 2:32 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/yk6tll/women_of_this_sub_what_advice_can_you_give_me_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/women-of-this-sub-what-advice-can-you-give-me-to.1138417 https://theredarchive.com/post/1138417

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