Together with STBX for 20 years, 13 years of mariage, 2 girls of 12 and 9. No sex the last 4 years, no time spent together these 2 last years. All of our free time was spent with her family and her friends. All our vacations were spent with her family. I auto isolated myself because I work a lot and do a lot of sport. I know am to blame on that... We were a great family, but we weren't a couple anymore. But we didn't work that out before the crisis.

What should have happened, happened: on a work trip, well one day I slept with a coworker and felt quite bad about it. My SBTX knew it and wanted to work things out, but at that time I was completely focus on the other women. But after 3 or 4 weeks I realized my mistake and realized that I did a lot of harm and that she was really a great person. So I really tried to work things out, but it was too late. She rejected me like shit. I did everything I could to show how I love her. But nothing worked. My guilt was is very high. Feeling like I am the only one responsible for the brake up of the family and the sadness of our gilrs. Guilt is really a bad feeling.

Here we are, she is moving out Sunday with friends we have in common who will help her. I am so sad, I can't cope with the sadness seeing my soulmate rejecting me and leaving. I made the biggest mistake in my life and I will regret it for the rest of my life. I feel so bad that sometimes I want to shorten it, but then I remember my girls who needs me. The prospect of living alone every 2 weeks is so frightening. I am working on that with my therapist.

Iife is sometimes a bitch.

I know Sunday will be hard.