I'm all for equal rights, yada-yada. But lately, the congregations of all-women meetings for professional development, the mass corporate emails, new women-only programs, women-only conferences, and generally being excluded and separated for being "a man" is putting me into the dumps. I'm not against women advancing, but I don't see why there is such a need to be in-your-face and make it a gender issue. Why are men always the enemy, sometimes even when it's only implied?

My entire life, I've had a gender identity issue. And for a long time, I thought it was MY problem. It took me a while to realize how stupid the system is.

Society told me because I was a man, I was dispensable. I didn't feel that way because I felt like I had a lot to contribute and every human life had value. I felt like I was no more dispensable than a woman, but since "men are more likely to go to prison" and "men are more likely to join the military" and "men are more likely to commit suicide" - then I wasn't being a man for feeling like this wasn't me. Registering for selective service because I was a man, confirmed that I was dispensable - or at least more so than a woman.

Society told me because I was a man, I was a violent rapist. I didn't feel that way because I never felt the need to physically force anyone to do anything. I've always had a strong, baseline amount of respect for other people. But the media and hollywood depicted men as violent rapists, I was less of a man for not being one.

Society told me because I was a man, I was required to prove myself to women in a relationship. I didn't feel that way because I felt that both persons should be committed to trying to discover if a relationship works. But because society has put a tremendous amount of high value on women when dating, and women have developed a strong sense of privilege and control in the process, I was considered less than a man for expecting something more balanced.

Society told me because I was a man, I needed to be strong and not show feelings. I didn't feel at all like that made sense, as my feelings were always a significant part of who I was. I wanted to feel joy, love, and affection as much as anyone I knew. But since I felt this way, I wasn't being a man.

Society told me because I was a man, I was a future dead-beat dad who didn't want or care about kids. I didn't feel like that made sense, as family seemed like such a wonderful thing. Kids can be so awesome, despite having to deal with their tantrums, problems, costs, and other issues. And I have a tremendously strong requirement to be a dependable and responsible person when it comes to providing and caring for kids. But since these feelings didn't match the identity of a man, I must not be one.

Society told me because I was a man, I had no right or say in the pregnancy of my child. That abortion is a woman-only issue, that what a woman decides to eat or smoke or drink during pregnancy is her choice and responsibility. That I am only a spectator to pregnancy, and not an active contributor - despite my desire to be one. That I have barely any rights in the situation. But since I felt like I wanted equal rights, I must not be a man.

Society told me because I was a man, I was a female oppressor. That I was a chauvinist pig who didn't care about women. I never felt the need to think less of a woman's capabilities. If anything, ever since the day I was born, I was being exceeded by women in academics, athletics, business, relationships, personal development, finance, family, and pretty much everything else. Since I didn't feel superior to a woman, it meant that something was wrong with me, and I must not be a man.

Society told me because I was a man, I was advantaged. I tried to find the advantage to being a man, and I still find it difficult. And if the one advantage was that I couldn't carry my own baby in my own body, I would gladly take that advantage away, because I feel like there is something spectacularly important about a person who brings life into the world. Perhaps society taught me that it's important, but I feel like it's inherently a beautiful privilege. No, I don't know the "pain of childbirth", but I would be willing to take it if I could. Since I didn't feel advantaged at all against women, then something must be wrong with me.

The list goes on and on. Which constantly concludes that "I must not be a man."

But I am a man. I am not secretly a woman living in a man's body. I do not define being a man to be these things that society expects anymore. I am a sensitive, caring, thoughtful, family-oriented, loving man. Unfortunately, it bothers me considerably that the world continues to judge me in this way for my gender.

And it seems hard to escape all the judgement. It's hard to listen to women talk about how their lives are so horrible and oppressed and disadvantaged. And it's hard when I am ridiculed by those women, when I even bring up the idea that I feel oppressed myself.

How do I keep from going crazy in my personal life, dating life, and now even my work life? I try to ignore it, and believe what I believe is true internally, but it's not easy.

Edit: "...strong and not show feelings." above