Questioning my femininity

babyegirll · 2023-03-07T21:33:50+00:00

Hey, it seems like this is really overwhelming you right now. Try to take a step back and think about his response - he was understanding and kind to you and communicated honestly with you. You are under no obligation to be the epitome of femininity and beauty 24/7. It's okay to take a break and be comfortable, and this absolutely does not "rip your femininity from you". This is a momentary, fleeting thing. You "redeem yourself" (if you feel like you need to), by just picking yourself back up when you feel better again, and resuming your normal habits. The reality is that you aren't always going to be the picture of pristine, well-kept, femininity. Do you plan on marrying him? If so, the chances of him seeing you like this again are EXTREMELY likely, and you just need to learn to be okay with that.

Another thing that could help: I imagine that you are probably attracted to his masculinity, but if he came in from yard work and was sweaty and smelly, would you want to jump his bones? The answer for me is no, but that doesn't mean that I've lost all attraction to my man. It'll be okay, you got this!

Edit: I should add, this reply is written with the understanding that "when things escalated" means that yall tried to make things sexual and then he said this. If he said this unprompted, you might want to have a discussion with him about the things I and the other commenter wrote about.

angelicasinensis · 2023-03-07T21:51:35+00:00

Your femininity is not defined by your clothing, it is defined by your essence, and literally your menstruating which is the epitome of feminine. In a relationship your partner will eventually see you on bad days, through illness and through health, it’s the way it goes. My husband has seen me through natural childbirth, stomach flus, bad days, etc, it’s normal, no one looks beautiful all the time. Relationships need vulnerability and honesty. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Your human.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-03-07T22:14:47+00:00

When I was in the ICU after nearly dying in childbirth, I couldn't wash my hair for four days and had to use the bathroom in front of my husband, because I might pass out from heart complications. He had to help bathe me when we could finally get to a room with a shower. Nurses repeatedly asked about my bowel movements in front of him, to my mortification. On a less dramatic note, I got food poisoning over the weekend and my husband was the one to take out the vomit bag, as I have done for him on occasion. Life is messy.

I don't know how it came up that you turned your boyfriend off, so maybe it was innocent, but he'll just have to get over it if you're not dressed like a supermodel when you're hurting. You don't have to "redeem" yourself at all. You should, however, see a doctor for such intense pain during your period.

chipsandgravyinyerma · 2023-03-07T21:35:03+00:00

Please know that it's totally okay not to look immaculate all the time and it sounds like your boyfriend understood that.

However, especially as you were feeling so awful it was incredibly unkind of him to say anything about you "turning him off". Its clearly really upset you so it is worth talking to him about, your comfort and wellbeing are entirely valid.

I've been with my husband for over a decade. He's literally cleaned up my vomit before and never once has he said it was a "turn off". Illness is inevitable, you have to take care of each other ❤️.

Relationships should be 50/50 overall but sometimes one of you will be unwell like you were and things have to be 30/70 for a short while, whilst he takes care of you to get you back on your feet and things back to 50/50. Just like if he was sick you'd care for him and put in extra effort to carry any extra weight for him.

If you're concerned about feeling/ looking feminine but being comfy, could you try some pretty wide leg trouser lounge sets? I have some lovely ones that come with pair of trousers and a matching pretty cardigan. With a vest tip underneath and cute slippers it still feels feminine and breezy but also so cosy.

Clipzy22 · 2023-03-07T21:42:43+00:00

I saw that you're battling depression and 1 tip I can give you is do not detach yourself and hide in a room. Stay active go to the gym pick up yoga or swimming. This will allow your brain to naturally decrease stress hormones and increase dopamine levels which will reduce the effects of depression and can even almost completely nullify it. This will allow you to be more bubbly which is more feminine and will help in that regard plus the previous examples I mentioned can increase overall attractiveness with both physique and mental. It's tough but you really will gave to force yourself for a little bit until it becomes routine and natural. Staying active will also help with periods and depression meds will make them worse and nullify emotional responses at least somewhat. Absolutely not something that will help with depression, you have to use your own mind and ability to improve the effects that depression may have to make it practically non existent. Meditation, reading and Staying fit will be crucial in this journey and will improve everything you mentioned in this post. So go at it!!

Sry for long comment!

Due_Tip6665 · 2023-03-08T02:47:22+00:00

Girl don’t worry about it. Some days I show up to the gym after a hectic day at work with my hair in a messy bun, tracksuit pants on, and my sweaty makeup from the day. The guys at the gym STILL flirt/ approach/ try and make eye contact with me in my hot mess state. I think that objectively attractive women can dress down and will still be perceived as attractive/ feminine by men. They’ve seen how beautiful women look without styled hair, makeup, or nice clothes on before.

Odd-Jackfruit-2375 · 2023-03-08T04:13:30+00:00

You don't need to redeem yourself for anything. You don't have to live your life like a Stepford Wife to be feminine. You're not just a woman, you're a human, and you are not required to be "on" at all times. You have to allow yourself to have that "off" time especially when you're in pain. There's moments where you won't have it all together and that's ok. Do you want your bf to only know and love the "well kept image" of you, or do you want him to know the real you, ALL of you, and love and accept THAT you?

forestdaydream · 2023-03-08T06:17:24+00:00

At the risk of being harsh, and take this with a grain of salt because I honestly don't know how common this is, but my experience with my long term partner has been no matter how I look (ill with the flu and bedridden, deathly hungover and vomiting all day, period "bleh") he has always expressed through both his words and actions that he thinks I am beautiful and attractive (and objecively I am just an average looking women). I know this might be painful to hear but your boyfriend's attitude rubs me the wrong way. Now who knows, maybe sometimes my partner is just placating me but either way I like that he acts this way towards me because it makes me feel loved and wanted, and maybe for you this is a sign to continue to vett? I just know that I would also feel badly if I was in your shoes. Maybe I am misunderstanding your situation (did he tell you you're beautiful, etc, but just manifested as him being unable to get it up?). I'd like to hear someone else's perspective about my take.

One other thing to consider is how lot of guys get really intense performance anxiety and maybe it was easier for him to blame it on your state rather than admitting it was just a bit of anxiety to perform? Is this a somewhat new relationship?

snegurochka_v · 2023-03-08T20:50:01+00:00

You are dating a boy, he is not grown up man yet. His reaction was very immature and selfish. You are in pain and feel unwell but he is concerned that he is not turned on, does not find your outfit attractive and dares to tell you about it. If he doesn't mature then the odds are that he will be capable of leaving his women if she gets sick without second thoughts. I keep more and more noticing that instead of having traditionally minded men women end up with guys who will not treat them good or even abuse them.

AutoModerator · 2023-03-07T21:20:33+00:00

Title: Questioning my femininity

Full text: Today my (19F) boyfriend (22M) came over, and my period was extremely heavy and painful. He came over yesterday too, I had a hoodie and sweats on due to the same issue. Today, I had a hoodie and a pair of loose boxers on because the pain is unbearable. When things escalated today, he wasn’t turned on and admitted that my outfit today was unattractive. I feel horrible, I wish I wore something else but the pain was so unbearable that I needed something loose and comfy. I also had my hair care treatment in too, so it was a relaxation day. He told me that he understood and that it’s okay because I always dress nice and he understands, but I feel so bad. My room was messy too, just disorganized, since I've been busy with exams and battling depression so i havent been able to get on it. I just feel so horrible, like my femininity was ripped out of me. He was understanding and kind about it, but hearing that I turned him off today makes me feel horrible. How do I redeem myself? I just feel like I disappointed him and ruined my image of always being well kept and feminine. What should I do?

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WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2023-03-08T10:01:29+00:00

It was just your outfit. Your lazy clothes are unattractive to him. It’s not you, it’s just your lazy clothes!

Title	Questioning my femininity
Author	hadyayasmin
Upvotes	9
Comments	25
Date	March 7, 2023 9:20 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/11lbqzr/questioning_my_femininity/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/questioning-my-femininity.1173240 https://theredarchive.com/post/1173240

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