How to deal with muscle dysmorphia?

CptHappyOrange · 2023-03-18T22:42:31+00:00

I hate saying this: you need therapy. Suicidal thoughts, man? That's a lot more than just insecurity.

jerseyskies · 2023-03-19T01:33:36+00:00

as a woman, i am not more likely to date to a man with a 6 pack. most men don’t have them and it’s not really something i seek when looking for a relationship

thrownawaytodaysr · 2023-03-18T23:05:50+00:00

At some level, you must know this is irrational. I am 5'7"/170 cm tall. I have run the gamut from scrawny (lightest at my current height was 117 lbs) to overweight (heaviest being 185 lbs). I have managed to get girlfriends.

Interestingly, me at my most fit was when I struggled the most to find a girlfriend. This also happened to be when I was in my 30s in a university town. Everyone was too young for me. It wasn't until I moved to a larger city when my options opened back up again.

And I know you know that guys who look like me manage to get girlfriends all the time. You surely see it. So at some level, you must know that this fixation is rooted in something other than a realistic assessment of your circumstances.

I honestly think that therapy is your best option if this is actually affecting you to the extent that you are having suicidal thoughts. Even the roiding bit is extreme enough that I would advocate for therapy.

If you're going to the gym, generally taking care of yourself, open to constructive criticism and constantly seeking to grow as a person, that's enough that effectively guarantee eventual dating success. The more important thing is to enjoy life without fixating on women. Meet people. Make friends. Enjoy your life without dwelling on sex as a goal and destination to be longed for.

Muscles are not the attractant you think they are. Only a slim subset of women are going to find it appealing and unless the rest of you also appeals, it won't be enough to hold someone's interest. Social aptitude is a much better thing to invest in. Even if it takes longer than you'd like to get to a romantic partner, you'll have a support system in place to make that okay and manageable.

But seriously. Therapy, if it's a viable option for you, is highly recommended.

what_i_reckon · 2023-03-19T00:22:16+00:00

Do not take steroids!!!!!

Eat a sensible diet, and get some exercise or physical activity in every day. That’s it, you don’t need a 6pack or huge muscles. Just be reasonably fit and healthy. You only get one body to enjoy it and look after it. And it’s good for the soul to treat yourself to a beer and ice cream.

alexbrove · 2023-03-19T12:56:06+00:00

You don't need steroids. Just sounds like you need therapy and a dose of reality.

If gaining muscle is your goal then why not just eat the right levels of macronutrients, lift weights and go to the gym? It'll take some time, but you'll eventually start making the gains. It seems like you're looking for a short cut when there isn't one.

The other thing that's disturbing is that you fail to see that having a 6 pack doesn't guarantee that girls will love you or that you'll find a girlfriend or that you'll be happy in your relationship. So if you're gonna invest in gaining muscle then just do it for you. Not for anyone else and definitely not because you want women to like you.

Meat_Vegetable · 2023-03-19T00:10:51+00:00

I do strongman, I have never had a 6 pack and that's because I don't starve myself. And I think strongman is generally the healthiest body type for being strong, so long as you aren't taking steroids to get as big as possible. And like others have stated here, therapy would probably help you far more than getting ripped would.

Naus1987 · 2023-03-19T03:59:12+00:00

When I was younger I tried to bulk up, but after about 6 months I had to quit.

Turns out that having muscle mass makes you less flexible, and there’s no way in hell I’m going to give up my artistic passions or the ability to scratch the center of my back. Muscles ain’t worth it. I’ll be a skinny dude for life!

I would rather be skinny than muscular. Low flexibility and the struggle to fit in tight places? Not worth the trade offs.

Being strong doesn’t do anything for most people. There’s no real advantage at all. There’s advances to being healthy, but not specifically for being built like a tank. And didn’t they say those weight lifters suffer heart problems?

God even knows what taking steroids would do. Could you imagine being such a meathead that you put “looking weird” above physical health.

You can do what you want. But I don’t get it.

AssistTemporary8422 · 2023-03-19T00:05:18+00:00

The best estimate is only 2% of men have six pack abs and over 70% of men are overweight or obese. Most guys are working full time jobs sometimes more, and have to come home and take care of chores and kids, and throw in some socializing and screen time. As a result getting muscular isn't practical for most guys.

Yet 93% of men between 18-30 have had at least one sex partner in the last 5 years. So its very obvious being muscular isn't required to get laid.

If you have deficits in your mental health, dating skills, social skills, and social activity, then hitting the gym and looking good will help you. But its a lot easier to also address the things that I listed that are actually causing the problem.

rafaman777 · 2023-03-19T08:49:13+00:00

Being shredded comes with discipline and strict caloric intact. Above all you must love training hard and your life revolving around your gym workouts. Training on low carbs and eating foods you dont really like will become the norm. You eat for fuel not for taste. I was around 7-8% bodyfat for 15 years. I trained 5 days a week and started with weights. By the end the end of high school everyone knew I was a gym guy and had a six pack and all. It made no difference. I was still shy and insecure and no matter how many gym workouts I did I projected that to the outside world. Only once I hit 40 and my metabolism slowed did I appreciate gym for the friends I made and how much I actually enjoy training. I stayed natural so being that lean all year round took huge mental effort. I was on a mission and sometimes ran 50-60kms a week, I didnt eat chocolate sweets or fried foods for a decade. Many weekends I was home just resting training twice a day, when I got bored I did 500 pushups and 500 squats inbetween all the TV ads.

I met girls during my 20s but I always pursued women who had an interest in me first. Being x% bodyfat made no difference at all, being able to squat and deadlift over 2.5 times my bodyweight felt more like bragging to any woman I met. They knew someone who looked like me prioritised myself before anyone else. I met my wife when I was 30. I took my shirt off and said "look at this". She straight up said "I dont care about all that, I would love you even if you were fat" .

I had a massive existential crisis after some injuries when I was not able to train in my late 30s. It was the first time I ever gained weight and looked more normal it was only then I learnt to love myself and found out what I had been running from all along. I still train 5 days a week but its for me now. I love the fight of the gym, I've made so many friends through boxing and training at all the gyms in my city. Looking a certain way just comes from hard work pushing each other and I rarely take off my shirt anymore. There is nothing to prove. Back in my 20s I never accepted any compliments and looking in the mirror I was never enough.

Love yourself first, seek some processional help. The gym is a good place to take that hate and anger and do something constructive with it. But endless comparisons to the next man is a path to ultimate unhappiness. You train, you exercise because you love the process, its part of you not about the end product. I never did steriods because its a dirty game and comes with serious health consequences. I got in awesome shape without them. I was not bulky and looked average with a shirt on. Many of our icons are on PEDs. In your early 20s you can train reckless but over time you will have to adjust and start to build a body not punish your body into oblivion. Very low body fats come at a price. You are hungry non stop, I made myself hypoglycemic many times pushing the envelop, I was always so cold, also prolonged periods of fasting and depletion takes a toll on your test levels and can create an unhealthy relationship with food. Sometimes I get thoughts that I should eat all this chocolate because I dont know when I can do it again. For a healthy functional body you want more fat around your joints to protect you from injury. You actually train better, feel better and lift more when you are fueled and not ripped to the gills.

I still look at other guys gains. Good for them. They deserve any hardwork they put in. The world isnt a bodybuilding show. You will learn younsgter everything comes with a price and balance is always the key. Bodybuilding and being healthy are 2 different things.

Overall_Explorer7158 · 2023-03-19T09:44:50+00:00

Then work hard, learn and gain what you want to gain. But don't forget: Shortcuts are for weak people.

Superfluous_Toast · 2023-03-19T20:43:02+00:00

This is a mental health issue, and is dealt with by getting therapy. This kind of compulsion cannot be satisfied by changing your appearance because it's about how you perceive yourself and what you think women want, not reality.

xvszero · 2023-03-19T20:58:43+00:00

I don't know. But I'll tell you this, I was a skinny virgin in college and thought very similarly to you, to the point where I even got suicidal at times imagining how I was going to be lonely my whole life and then die alone.

It's a total fiction though. All kinds of women out there, and they have a variety of things that attract them to men (well, the ones who are attracted to men at all.) I never gained muscles and it never really mattered, I still did some dating eventually then met someone great and now we're married and she loves my definitely not very muscular body.

As far as aesthetics, I found that I liked myself a lot more once I started finding my own STYLE. I don't even have much style, but it's mine now.

AutoModerator · 2023-03-18T20:53:11+00:00

Please note that this account has negative karma and may not yet be a trusted commenter for this sub.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

JonF1 · 2023-03-19T16:56:37+00:00

Lack of muscles unless you are wheelchair bound isn't there reason you aren't having success with women. Getting into one isn't going to solve all or any of your problems either.

You should be going to the gym because of something you want to do in particular. For me, I want to get in 5k - 15, eventually marathon and triathlon shape. Wanting to maintain healthy BMI or just maingain are also good goals / programs.

SweelFor- · 2023-03-22T17:09:08+00:00

Read this https://old.reddit.com/r/gainit/comments/103wpj0/body_dysmorphia_or_muscle_dysmorphia_what_it_is/

Fishmonger_1 · 2023-03-28T21:56:22+00:00

I used to be fat now i am jacked. I notice people me giving me more respect but its mostly guys, my advice is eat high protein diet consistently workout and get your testosterone levels checked and see if u are eligible for trt. I dont advice steroids unless u know what u are doing but if u are gonna do it i suggest a lower dose of testosterone like trt which will give u a bump in building muscle without too many side effects.

Title	How to deal with muscle dysmorphia?
Author	Due-Play2374
Upvotes	7
Comments	22
Date	March 18, 2023 8:53 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/11v0bb8/how_to_deal_with_muscle_dysmorphia/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/how-to-deal-with-muscle-dysmorphia.1180359 https://theredarchive.com/post/1180359

Comments