Can you confirm that personality matters?

RedPillDetox · 2021-03-26T14:03:18+00:00

This article shows that initially everybody agrees who's the most attractive but as time passes people shift towards other people as more attractive. For instance, at first everybody agrees that guy 1 is a 10, guys 2 is a an 8 and guy 3 is a 5, but as time passes by, guy 1 can be just an 8 to other people, while guy 3 is a 7 to many others. Here's the original paper

In line with this, This article also talks couples tend to match in their physical attractivness but when they don't it's usually because they knew each other for longer, meaning that if you get to spend time to know someone you may become their 6 or 7 or so, even if you were originally a 5 or so to them. Here's the Original paper.

I know that you don't want to read evolutionary psychology, but this paper is really awesome. It's a paper written by evolutionary pschologists vs social psychologists on how relationships work and where and when the cold evolutionary psychology applies vs when it doesn't. For instance, did you know that when people are in relationships they actually perceived their partners to be much more attractive then before? And they perceive other options as much less attractive than before? It's really informative.

boyraceruk · 2021-03-26T13:47:27+00:00

100%, you can have some success just being attractive but it's not going to be long-term. Alternatively not being attractive but having a good personality isn't going to get you much success in the short-term but you can cultivate enough relationships that one of them stands a good chance of becoming romantic.

neonroli47 · 2021-03-26T13:43:33+00:00

Looks is going to be one of your tickets inside the door, but personality is clearly also quite important, because that literally shows people what you are like. At present social climate, we don't just marry and that's it. We also mate short term. Looks tend to be relatively more consequential in short term mating, which doesn’t mean personality isn’t important or that looks doesn’t matter when you're considering something long term. Rather different situation shows people having different preference.

kigerting · 2021-03-26T13:53:41+00:00

100% yes. I actually think this is why people get a misleading impression of dating from online dating. Since all you have of a living, breathing person is photos and descriptions online, naturally there is more reliance on those photos and descriptions. But when you meet people in person, there's so much more that influences attraction. For example, I once worked with a guy who was very average looking, and I wouldn't describe him as my type, but he had a great personality and was very competent and other sort of indescribable "intangibles" and I found myself very attracted. If I'd seen his online profile I'd undoubtedly have swiped left. If you're feeling your looks are going to keep you alone forever, remember that most people don't meet their SO on a one-off. Most people have been in the same friend group, have worked together, have partaken in the same hobby group, etc. Proximity definitely leads to affection where there's potential. Of course looks do matter to the extent that there's a base level of gut-level attraction that needs to be there, but personality, presence, a voice, the way someone moves, the way someone works or interacts with other people, and so many other things are absolutely important.

cabsmom2020 · 2021-03-26T14:19:38+00:00

I can only speak for myself in depth.

For me personality is much more important than looks. However, it's not black and white. I do have a couple physical features that will turn me off, but it's not many and usually the ones I don't like are due to neglect and not how someone was born. I have a hard time dating someone with REALLY bad teeth or extremely overweight.

Now to the positives- I've been attracted to men that were very skinny to pretty heavy. I've been attracted to tall and short men.

When I see a man that's friendly and funny and maybe a little sarcastic at times- that's attractive. When I see a man treating people nicely across the board- that's attractive. When I see a man that does the best at his job- that's attractive.

Objective_Ad7771 · 2021-03-26T15:22:40+00:00

Looks will get you to be more noticeable but in a relationship (meanly in a long term relationship) it's the personality that pulls it all together (on both sides). Also there's people who just forget about attractiveness of other people when in a relationship (bcs love still exists).

ChocolatChipLemonade · 2021-03-26T13:39:42+00:00

I watched a guy be in a faithful relationship with his car. So yes, you can choose anyone for any reason and still be loyal. It’s more about self control and maturity than anything. I’m not sure which perspective you’re asking about, but I’d say a man’s personality for a woman is very important. Men tend to be more visual.
Usually a decent-looking guy without much luck with women is a guy with an unattractive personality. And yeah, try not to read too much into evo psych; it’s not exactly a respected science despite there being some decent content.

profixnay · 2021-03-26T18:01:24+00:00

A common mistake that people make is they only look at attractive couples. Look at regular couples with average or below-average looks. They love each other no less.

chisana_nyu · 2021-03-26T18:47:39+00:00

Looks may get you a first date, but personality gets you every other one in my experience.

zoemondo · 2021-03-26T17:29:06+00:00

Think about what makes couples stay together for many years. If it was only about attractiveness and playing the game to find the hottest person possible, then what is the incentive to stay together?

Clearly factors involving personality, compatibility, and working through issues together are paramount.

Also think about why it is that people break up/divorce. People usually cite reasons such as infidelity, money, being incompatible in some ways, mental health, family problems, losing trust, things like that. Looks/attractiveness never make that list.

For the record, I'm not talking about high school kids here. I'm talking about grown adults with some maturity. People in their teens do get together and break up for the dumbest reasons.

profixnay · 2021-03-26T17:59:05+00:00

Yes it matters

cabsmom2020 · 2021-03-26T13:55:04+00:00

[permanently deleted]

HeartbreakHotline · 2021-03-26T16:53:08+00:00

Just check any of your relationships and you’ll realize why you love who you love, and why your friends love who they love, personality is key

JimBeamAndCoke2016 · 2021-03-27T21:45:08+00:00

Looks first, by a country mile. Personality follows in a distant second.

Title	Can you confirm that personality matters?
Author	Darknessdaddy69
Upvotes	22
Comments	39
Date	March 26, 2021 1:29 PM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/ExRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/exredpill/comments/mdonzv/can_you_confirm_that_personality_matters/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/ExRedPill/can-you-confirm-that-personality-matters.1187531 https://theredarchive.com/post/1187531

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