Ex-wife is pregnant. It finally comes out.

kahl452 · 2020-05-26T15:43:43+00:00

Just a reminder that anger and hatred are useful. There's a reason for anger. It can drive us. Allow us to see things differently. Anger is like any other emotion. You need to ask yourself the tough questions. Understand why your feeling it. Actually be present when trying to find what's true for you. But where people take anger too far, is when they allow resentment to take over. When you allow too much resentment in your life. You begin to become a victim. Compassion is where you learn to let things go. By learning what compassion is, you can understand that letting things go doesn't mean to just leave it and never come back or bury it. It means to accept things the way they are. Allow that acceptance and you might be able to move on. Accept that she is messed up and that there's nothing you can do. I'm happy you feel validated and that you're able to move on when you're ready. I'm excited for you to be free. Good luck on your journey man. It's a long one.

turbor · 2020-05-26T17:59:44+00:00

I’m sorry man. Went through the same thing myself. Except in my case she had an ectopic pregnancy and medically required abortion. I had no idea until 2 weeks after the divorce finalized and I got a stack of claims in the mail from my health insurance, from 8 months previous. I don’t know if she convinced the provider to not run the insurance until after the divorce was finalized or if she told them she’d pay cash(good reason to get divorced and sell the house) but either way they held off on running the claims. In my ignorance I pleaded with her to save our family. Poured my heart out to her. Hell, I spoke to her on the phone for an hour the night she had the surgery. I had no idea! She devalued me over the dumbest shit, re-wrote our memories, accused me of cheating on her, and no matter what I did, she portrayed to me and the world that the divorce was my fault. Really fucked me up. I fought a bullshit DV charge, PO, supervised visitation with my son, lost the beautiful home I’d built, a chunk of my 401k, a chunk of my pension, and went through the absolute mind fuck of being blamed for the whole thing.

I can say that at least there was some peace in knowing the truth when it finally came out, but the anger has stayed with me. It’s been almost a year since I found out the truth and I still have episodes almost daily where the hurt and anger seem debilitating. It does get better. Certainly not overnight and it’s not linear. Shit will trigger you. It’s a fucking nightmare and I’m sorry you’re going through it. Be careful with the booze.

If you have kids, let them be your lifeline. I ultimately secured joint custody of my little boy and he’s my whole world. I love being a single dad and believe that he and I are much closer than we would have been if I was still married to his mom.

I’ve said it before but it bears repeating: My son for my marriage. No trade-backs.

Hit me up if you need someone to commiserate with.

SpacemanLost · 2020-05-26T17:21:39+00:00

Just making sure - she's an 'ex' and not 'soon to be ex' ... i.e. no way she could try and pin support for the kid on you.

Hoggie2878 · 2020-05-26T17:49:38+00:00

My man, feel that shit, feel the hate, but dont at all costs act on the hate. Take the high road, don't lower yourself to her level. People will take notice, and you will thank yourself later. "Character is defined by how oneself acts in the face of adversity" Be a man of high character. And last but certainly not least, "Allow your success be the best revenge" good luck, and remember to take a breath every now and then.

playerknowmore · 2020-05-26T20:27:07+00:00

My friend went through this, but he was in total denial. He put his check in the bank to pay all the bills. Cosigned her car, a month later she wanted a divorce. He did everything he could to reconcile to no avail.

Had to sell the house they had for twenty five years, and it soldthe week it hit the market. The one good thing he did; after he realized that she was serious was get a good lawyer that made sure he made out better than her in the settlement.

It never occurred to him she was cheating. I broached, and he bristled. The AP's wife tried to tell three years ago he didn't believe because the guy was a friend, and they didn't get divorced. He did side jobs for the guys father.

One year after the divorce the guys father thought it was okay to tell my friend his ex wife was living with his son. Bad move! The guy was a corrections officer and he had two of his coworkers at the shop when my friend got there. My friend proceeded to beat his ass for ten minutes. He must have been a shitty friend to his coworkers; because he was begging them to call the police, and nobody did.

My friend hurt his arm in the incident and couldn't find his health care card, so he downloaded the app. Well the app showed the history of procedures that were payed for. Well the week before she asked for a divorce her doctor did a positive pregnancy test. The baby had to be removed two months later. It was stuck in her fallopian tubes. He found out that the affair was going on four years.

Sorry you are going through this, but you are not alone, and others have made it through.

SingleISuppose · 2020-05-26T15:16:27+00:00

Just move along, and know you are better off. Just being OK with everything and being happy will be enough.

caseyjshu · 2020-05-26T22:41:29+00:00

Anger directed towards the right place or person is not all bad - Tony Soprano

mrbill1234 · 2020-05-26T17:20:52+00:00

Are you already divorced? If not, I hope you are not forced into paying for that baby even though it is not yours.

karebearwe · 2020-05-26T22:31:07+00:00

Similar thing happened to me. Honestly so thankful for that kid. Its evidence he cheated and lied to everyone. It also helped me solidify its over. Tried holding the marriage together....alone. Best is ahead of you. Not that its all sunshine and rainbows. Difficult marriage => Difficult custody. But i do what i can. Never been happier.

poorlyplanned · 2020-05-27T11:58:50+00:00

Dude, as a fellow divorced guy, I'm going to be blunt.

Go get a fucking therapist or something.

You've a hatred to the point of wishing ill upon someone else. That hatred isn't healthy. It can consume you, and will have a negative effect on your health. It's understandable to be upset and angry and whatever else, but this isn't just that.

Get some fucking help.

It's worth it when you come out the other side.

BenBurch1 · 2020-05-27T19:24:59+00:00

The way to win the game is not to play.

SingleISuppose · 2020-05-26T15:22:37+00:00

[permanently deleted]

SkierDude19 · 2020-05-27T01:30:48+00:00

Many of us have been there. Wasn't it Yoda who said "Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering." "Death is a natural part of life. The relationshit is over, you will have ups and downs and when you feel the anger coming back from some trigger hit the gym immediately, better than any antidepressant you could take.

Crafty-Tackle · 2020-05-27T23:04:44+00:00

Focus on yourself. Protect your assets in the divorce. Move forward.

trieasycx · 2020-05-27T23:50:10+00:00

Hey got a quick question for you. I'm in my early twenties and I hear this all the time. I came out of a serious relationship heart broken when I found out she was being too "friendly" with "friends" on Tinder. I was on gonna marry but that's down the pooper. So my question to a young whipper snapper like me is... is marriage still worth it for men today?

binkerfluid · 2020-05-28T05:29:15+00:00

Good luck man, fuck her

themenacehimself · 2020-05-28T08:18:38+00:00

Hit the gym. Blow off steam. Come back harder.et her regret her stupid ass actions.

MNCPA · 2020-05-26T22:31:47+00:00

Hate is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

I like you attitude. Cheers to the next decade of life.

TotesMessenger · 2020-05-28T01:43:24+00:00

I'm a bot, bleep, bloop. Someone has linked to this thread from another place on reddit:

[/r/theredpillstories] Ex-wife is pregnant. It finally comes out. • r/Divorce_Men

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plato961 · 2020-05-26T23:17:05+00:00

There's a reason she cheated... It goes both ways brah...

Title	Ex-wife is pregnant. It finally comes out.
Author	SingleISuppose
Upvotes	137
Comments	40
Date	May 26, 2020 3:04 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/gqyozi/exwife_is_pregnant_it_finally_comes_out/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/ex-wife-is-pregnant-it-finally-comes-out.1197927 https://theredarchive.com/post/1197927

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