When is it ok to date?

xjeeperx · 2023-04-18T02:48:31+00:00

Man, did you learn anything from your divorce? If you’re not happy alone, you’ll never be happy in a relationship.

CaliDude75 · 2023-04-18T03:11:26+00:00

I jumped into the dating pool pretty soon after my divorce, and it was kind of a sh!tshow, TBH. Never mind the fact I had to have the awkward conversation that I was “still technically married” while I was waiting for the 6 month “cooling off” period to expire.

Now, nearly a year out, I’m getting more matches, and being a little more selective. As others have said, “work on yourself.” Find peace in solitude, and doing activities you enjoy. Don’t seek validation or meaning in a relationship. Exude confidence, and things will happen. 🙂

Diablo_Canyon2 · 2023-04-18T03:07:23+00:00

Give yourself some time. Work on yourself. Fitness of mind, fitness of body, and fitness of spirit. Find things to do that you enjoy yourself and make you happy. Don't seek happiness in another person. Then once you are happy alone, reach out to date.

Int-Merc805 · 2023-04-18T05:11:47+00:00

Listen, you have two kids, pour your time into them. Then whatever’s left, pour it into yourself.

I wonder how many men die never having known themselves. What a pity. I was single for many years in between relationships, they were the best times of my life. I never once felt lonely while being alone.

Without meaning to you will transfer your anger to your new partner. I remember dating this cute blond right after my first 8 year relationship. She bought a new car, something exciting for her! I went off about how irresponsible it was, and asked her if she could afford it. I didn’t even mean to. I had simply transferred my terrible exs behavior onto her actions. She was not my ex, but I had moved on too fast.

Take some fucking time and figure yourself out. Just for a little while, get over your codependency issues and then you will be truly ready to find a proper person. Or nobody at all. You’re desperate right now. So knock that shit off!

Proper_Algae_5234 · 2023-04-18T10:27:01+00:00

I’m 34 with 3 kids... going through a Div now... I don’t want to date, I do want to fornicate but all the stress has my hormone levels on the floor... it’s an uphill battle... but it has to be fought... I hope to win the hill, for God, myself, and my children.

Aromatic_Boot3629 · 2023-04-18T21:26:01+00:00

I recommend waiting a while.

I jumped back into the dating pool about 3 months post divorce just to get my feet wet and get used to dating again after a 15 year marriage.

Unfortunately I met someone pretty incredible just a couple of weeks into dating. I say "unfortunately" because while she was an amazing person and we got along perfectly and had fully aligned interests and beliefs, I ended up wrecking the relationship due to issues from my marriage that I had not fully healed from.

Pretty sure if I had waited at least a year and worked fully through my issues before dating, that one would have ended up differently.

LonelyNC123 · 2023-04-20T11:19:56+00:00

Friend - I understand EXACTLY how you feel. But I advise you to slow down. This is my 2nd marriage, in the first there were no children involved or money to fight over so it was not awful. But, in retrospect, I should have stayed single and/or dated ALOT more before getting remarried. Don't do what I did, ESPECIALLY since there are children involved.

volkss · 2023-04-18T18:37:00+00:00

Somebody on another sub had asked the question what it meant to work on yourself. The answer that hit hardest for me was to take a good look in the mirror and ask yourself is this somebody you would date.
I realised my pending divorce is so damn sticky and messy, that I would run far away from somebody with the same shitshow on their hands. Being honest with yourself can't go wrong.
Also, I'm 46 with 2 kids. Not sweating it. I figure the past 14 years were spent trying to make somebody else happy. I'm going to spoil my kiddos and then enjoy some quality me time for awhile. Plenty of time to disappoint a partner later.
Best of luck.

joemoorcarz · 2023-04-18T20:17:35+00:00

Look the answer is different for everyone. Don't date because your afraid of being alone. You'll rush into a relationship that's even worse then your last. (experience thought me that) Don't put yourself though that. Learn to be happy with you.

I'm short fat old (63) and ugly, and that's just great with me, and yes I do get dates, and may find someone special, but that's not important because I'm never alone I'm better company than anyone else.

Accomplished-Toe5220 · 2023-04-19T01:04:26+00:00

Set the tinder filter to 18 to 50 and slay king. You need 4 things. A good bio no wierd shit and no politics. Full face pic. Full body pic. Pic with hot girl or girls. I had 18 to 24 yos wanting to move in and clapping cheeks on the first date. You got this bro. Edit... This only works if you're not a simp and a bit on the don't fuck around side of life.

rhett342 · 2023-04-20T18:37:06+00:00

I mer a woman here on reddit and she wanted to meet up.so things could get physical but I called.it off just because my head isn't in the right place yet.

Title	When is it ok to date?
Author	steaksauce872
Upvotes	5
Comments	11
Date	April 18, 2023 1:57 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/Divorce_Men
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/Divorce_Men/comments/12q6260/when_is_it_ok_to_date/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/Divorce_Men/when-is-it-ok-to-date.1214614 https://theredarchive.com/post/1214614

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