What actually tends to happen to women who marry conventionally attractive men?

ArkNemesis00 · 2023-04-29T20:52:02+00:00

Find yourself the best of both worlds: hot nerds.

I'm mostly joking, but here's an anecdote for you. I met my husband at a high school academic achievement program and just had to meet him the moment I saw him.

Over the years, he's had numerous women offer ONS/FWB arrangements and send unsolicited nudes. He turned them down. He wanted something serious, something long-term.

We've only been married a few years; we're both homebodies who enjoy each other's company and don't really want anyone else around (we tolerate the kids). I have no doubt he'd be successful again with women if something happened to me. But he's something of a Greater Beta, and won't look elsewhere without extreme provocation.

Some people find a lot of comfort in feeling like their partner doesn't have many other options. I personally prefer feeling like he has options, and chooses me. It does mean I have to put in some work to ensure the success of our relationship, but I find a lot of joy and fulfillment in keeping us close.

Wife_and_Mama · 2023-04-29T16:04:20+00:00

This is hogwash. I know plenty of conventionally attractive men who are good to their wives and children. My husband was a football player in high school, voted class clown, dated a cheerleader. He was the life of the party in college and had a million friends. He exclusively dated blondes and hooked up with a lot of rodeo groupies. He married me, a 5'5" tall awkward, bookish brunette, who frequently gets flustered around people she doesn't know and shares stories about Pablo Escobar and his hippos.

My personal assessment is that these women are saying this after meeting these men at the wrong time in life. The handsome, popular guy probably isn't a great match when he's still having fun. That doesn't mean he will never settle down. Sure, there are attractive jerks. That doesn't mean every attractive man is going to be one.

It's also possible that these women are just insecure. They're likely threatened by the idea of having to keep up their appearance forever. That's not a problem you'll face if your motivation for looking good is internal. Do it for you and it's easy enough to maintain.

aussiedollface2 · 2023-04-29T23:50:40+00:00

My husband is a babe, objectively speaking, 6’3 with a lean build and twinkly blue eyes and thick brown hair with a boyishly handsome face. Yum haha. Women do flirt with him and that probably creates some risk for infidelity, but you have to be confident within yourself and your marriage to accept that. I do not agree with the “purposely marry the ugly guy as he will be so thankful for you and never cheat” as I have seen that backfire MANY times, with the woman left shell shocked thinking she had safe guarded against this. You can never safe guard against this, just focus on your partner and keeping your marriage strong.

youllknowwhenitstime · 2023-04-29T18:27:32+00:00

Like the other commenters, I, too, had not noticed this phenomenon and presumed that since the divorce rate is so high in general, the women you know were generalizing conclusions from their personal experience.

But when I thought about it, I wondered: Let's say an equal percentage of attractive and unattractive people are unhappy in their marriages. Among the unhappy group, who is more likely to cheat or leave: the overweight individual who never got any attention in high school, or the fit one who was drowning in offers before their current relationship and is very confident they could succeed if returned to the dating market?

So with that in mind, it's probably unsurprising that from a statistical perspective, it does appear more attractive individuals are more likely to divorce. https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/pere.12173

I only read the abstract. Obviously why this occurs is hardly proven; your friends seem to insist attractive people create unhappy relationships instead of recognizing the possibility of attractive people being more willing to leave unhappy relationships when others would just stay unhappy. There are a LOT of married but unhappy couples out there who just hide it because they don't want the trouble of divorcing.

I believe the studies above were for men, but I've seen other longitudinal data for women indicating self-reported body count was HEAVILY predictive of divorce rate. Most people assume this is partly religiosity; the folks with a single sexual partner in their lives being the least likely to divorce may or may not be due to their subculture rather than the effect body count has on someone mentally. But for the rest, where folks with a 2-4 body count divorce much less than those with a 12+ body count, someone from their personal observations might conclude that in general more attractive women are more prone to divorce when they are missing that the better predictive factor is body count rather than attractiveness.

Find an attractive guy you're into and who is into you and never stop putting effort into the relationship. You'll be fine.

undothatbutton · 2023-04-29T23:35:03+00:00

I guess I can kind of see the logic behind it but… this isn’t my experience in my circles… and most of my friends/peers are conventionally attractive, overall more than the average person. There are some marriages I am aware of having problems, but no more than the rest of the population to my knowledge.

In fact, I personally think my husband being attractive is a good thing because it means he had options and chose me. The ugliest man I dated actually cheated on me because the minute he got attention from another woman, he leapt at the chance to hookup with her, whereas my husband has always had more options and it doesn’t feel special to him for a beautiful woman to notice him, if that makes sense. I wouldn’t want to marry someone on the premise that they’re uglier than me so they’ll hopefully feel so lucky to be with someone as beautiful as me or out of their league as me etc. that they’ll be faithful. That just seems like a bad idea. I’d never want to specifically select for someone who I feel has no real options to leave me.

Perhaps at the very extreme end of the spectrum you would see more issue based on beauty, but I’d say that’s not true for the “average” everyday beautiful person just living their life. More so like, insane model Hollywood-level looks, money, and fame.

That being said… there are ugly and attractive men who will cheat or be nasty or whatever else. Just as there are ugly and attractive women who will do that stuff, and ugly and attractive men and women who will be wonderful, faithful, loving, doting partners.

ActuallyASwordfish · 2023-04-29T18:25:14+00:00

My only thoughts are that they’re blaming a handsome husband for martial problems that likely stem from the wife’s insecurities…

My husband is attractive (he got asked out in front of me yesterday because the cashier didn’t realize we were in line together 🤦‍♀️) he is one of the most extremely loyal men I know!

Never has it been a problem that I was the super nerdy one out of the two of us (didn’t peak till 26 😂) while he has always been popular etc etc. I think peoples circumstances are always different but I think that blaming attractive and popular men for all the martial problems seems like an issue

tambourine_goddess · 2023-04-29T16:53:22+00:00

That's so dumb. Being conventionally attractive does not automatically make one a giant cheating douche. Sounds like they have some ish from their past to work out.

AutoModerator · 2023-04-29T15:52:18+00:00

Title: What actually tends to happen to women who marry conventionally attractive men?

Full text: This is gonna sound naive but I'm just curious-I'm in college, and all of the advice I get from like older women is to not marry a guy who is like "hot or popular" because you are likely to have marriage problems in the future. What do they actually mean by this?? Is it just that it's too much pressure to be "pretty enough" for him or that other women will constantly be after him?

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Crazy-Vast-7948 · 2023-04-30T00:08:18+00:00

Well I am dating one of these men and I get it, I disagree but I get it. You will always have competition anxiety unless you miraculously figure out how not to care because other women will be interested in him. Even if he claims you publicly its going to be hard for that to go away completely.

Also he probably had exes before you that will try to get him back, especially if you are around 30 and it's that time.

Oddly enough the more attractive guys I dated had the best attitude since they were used to attention whereas the less attractive ones couldn't turn it down when it occurred.

But anyways he hasn't done anything wrong ever, it's just frustrating and hard to ignore.

Alt-acct123 · 2023-04-30T02:39:04+00:00

The women I know who married conventionally attractive men are at least as happy as the women I know who married average/ugly men. That said, it’s hard to really know for any couple as an outsider to the marriage, and I know a few of marriages of each type that went bust.

(Also, as a side note, a couple of the attractive ones are more average now after losing some hair, gaining a gut, etc.)

spicysenor · 2023-04-29T20:31:37+00:00

This may refer to people who are early bloomers not processing any of their own insecurities or trauma until later in life, causing a much more serious "mid life crisis." The dorks and nerds, who dealt with all of it before turning 20, are often more well adjusted and adapted to life. Leads to better sex life too (as long as physical fitness is take care of).

It's not guaranteed but it's something to consider when communicating with a partner about life plans. Just make sure they're not compensating for something by being in a relationship.

jenna_grows · 2023-04-30T11:41:26+00:00

That logic is flawed.

Those people are picking unattractive men because they believe those men won’t be able to attract other women or because they think a less attractive man will just be grateful to have someone and won’t want to jeopardise that.

What we need to focus on is character. Be with a man who wouldn’t cheat on you no matter what he looks like.

Title	What actually tends to happen to women who marry conventionally attractive men?
Author	Over-Designer4994
Upvotes	26
Comments	22
Date	April 29, 2023 3:52 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/132zai8/what_actually_tends_to_happen_to_women_who_marry/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/what-actually-tends-to-happen-to-women-who-marry.1217300 https://theredarchive.com/post/1217300

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