Thoughts on p*rn in relationships

RatchedAngle · 2023-07-10T20:59:59+00:00

he's just using her body, he doesn't care about her as a person-so it doesn't make me jealous as long as he's not an active "fan" of a specific girl, and just views them literally as stimulants basically.

This is a common illusion that women fall for - the Madonna-Whore complex.

In your mind, you’re superior to these women because he only cares about their body. Therefore, they are no threat to you. After all, he will still come home to you and let you live in his home and let you raise his children. He doesn’t love them, right?

Here’s what you need to watch out for:

A lot of men put women into boxes. There’s the hot girl who exists solely as a warm hole, and then there’s the wife who exists to raise children and put dinner on the table. The two cannot overlap. So the hot girl will never be seen as a good wife, and the wife will never be seen as a hot girl.

You might be thinking “well he never loved her so it’s okay!” Meanwhile, all the women he fucked might look at you and think, “Eh, maybe he loves her, but she’ll never make him cum as hard as I did.” Ultimately it boils down to women tearing each other apart over the actions of a man.

Let’s be real: is it a good thing if your value as a woman (as it relates to your boyfriend) is based on how shitty he treated other women?

If we don’t respect women who get “used” and pumped and dumped…why do we respect men who use and pump and dump those women?

I have always preferred men who don’t sleep around. To me, the ideal man is traditional. He doesn’t use women. He protects women. He treats women the same way he expects his daughter to be treated. He doesn’t have sex “just because,” and I don’t have to use mental gymnastics to explain why I’m magically different than the others just because he decided I’m good enough to cook his food and keep his house clean.

Good men don’t use women, in my opinion. Good men don’t participate in casual sex unless it’s genuinely mutual. And in that case you’ll have to accept that he had good times with those women instead of trying to devalue them in your mind - those women aren’t just a body. They aren’t just a hole. They are human beings.

Basically what you’re saying is you want your man to have disrespected other women so that you can feel better about yourself and your position in the relationship.

Do you think that’s healthy? What if that was your daughter?

Ok_Outside149 · 2023-07-10T21:53:25+00:00

I know the dating market is a competition, but I personally don’t internalise it that way. As a human, i don’t feel any better or worse than other girls he’s dated, we were just simply more compatible and made the conscious decision to commit to each other. I just simply don’t give any thought to his ex-partners. I’m sure some of them were lovely girls, maybe others were awful, what do I gain from comparing myself to them? I don’t feel superiority for being the one to snag commitment from him. Maybe you do, which you can’t help but I would examine that. Do you walk around examining all women from a competitive lens? To me, that sounds miserable

I would not appreciate my man being derogatory to other girls because life has a funny way of humbling you. If he treats other girls like that, what makes you so sure he won’t treat you that way eventually? Because he’s with you right now? Men leave and cheat on their wives all the time.

MasterpieceFrosty938 · 2023-07-10T22:48:20+00:00

If a man has a woman and still watches porn, he is just a degenerate. It isn’t even about meeting an urge

Huge_Scientist1506 · 2023-07-10T21:17:21+00:00

I don’t respect men who use porn or follow female influencers on social media. Plain and simple. I could never seriously consider a man for a long term relationship if he watched porn. It shows low moral character and a lack of self control imo.

My husband doesn’t watch porn and both of us recently quit Instagram (him a bit before me) just because it’s a waste of time and as he’s running a company and I’m a full time mom we have more important things to focus on.

Idk a lot of people can look past it, but after realizing what a dehumanizing industry the porn industry is, I can’t look at men the same who casually consume it.

pinkparadigm · 2023-07-10T23:00:29+00:00

I share similar sentiments to other commenters here. I also have no respect for men who watch porn and find it to be degenerate behavior tbh. If they’re single, I can understand it a LITTLE bit more but overall I still think it is one of the hugest red flags for me. The porn industry is horrible and the whole thing adds to our sex-crazed society. If a taken man watches porn I think that shows zero self-control and no respect to who they’re with. More likely to cheat too because their lust overcomes them.

binne21 · 2023-07-10T23:43:28+00:00

Porn is bad. Very bad. It gives an unhealthy view of relationships and women. Plus: it can fuck with the dick. Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction literally makes your dick stop working. I've been through that myself.

Also that's just something you have to think about. I have as a deal breaker that my future girlfriends don't do casual sex. I, myself, don't engage in casual sex for that part either. I do this so I have to avoid overthinking my partners sexual history and the like.

I wouldn't say its problematic. Us humans have things about us that we can't change. If my girlfriend had a high bodycount then I literally can't accept that. No matter how I rationalise it I just can't. Don't go trying to change yourself. Standards are standards for a reason.

_Pumpkin_Muffin · 2023-07-10T23:47:24+00:00

he basically just used them to get off and then disposed of them

I would not respect a man who used women as disposable aids to masturbation. You can have mutually casual sex while keeping respect for the people you're choosing as sexual partners. You can also notice an attractive woman without blurting out "her tits are hot" to your girlfriend - you don't have to speak aloud every little thing your brain farts. Why is he talking so much about his past sexual partners to his girlfriend, anyway?

You can rationalize your insecurities as you need. Or maybe it's a kink of yours, whatever. I understand the thrill of being "better than them", of knowing he had so many girls but is choosing you now. But still. Ugh.

InevitableKiwi5776 · 2023-07-11T01:04:59+00:00

What why are you even thinking about it this much omg. Why wouldn’t you want your boyfriend to have had emotionally satisfying great sex with someone else? Like it’s so possessive and creepy that you think it only ok for him to have used other girls’ bodies to get off like he masturbated with a living person, instead of having a healthy connection with someone else who is not you.

Sexydyslexicy · 2023-07-11T06:48:45+00:00

Any man watching porn in a relationship is unacceptable as a man. I would not be wasting my time with a man like this. He's also telling you his version of events where he comes out on top. Maybe they weren't interested in having a relationship with him, and used him. Many women do this and wait for a better man to come along.

ygfam · 2023-07-11T09:09:32+00:00

Nothing turns me off more than a man watching porn, maybe because I never do and just use my imagination when I'm alone?
As well as him "using girls for nothing more than just bodies" that sentence just sounds so gross to me. It's weird to me to not view it "humanistically" as you said..

I can't judge your character but you kind of seem insecure judging by this post, you seem to put other women down a lot (not trying to sound like a feminist here LOL), why is him disrespecting other women okay to you? On one hand I understand, it's like the "he's mean to everyone but me" trope in movies and books but I don't see anyone over 18 not realizing this is a red flag

Axdorablee · 2023-07-10T23:40:58+00:00

Im a woman who watches porn from time to time who is in a healthy committed relationship.

WhatIsThisAccountFor · 2023-07-11T03:02:03+00:00

I think it is fine to watch porn in a relationship if your sex drive is higher than your partner’s.

I do not think it is ok to follow some camgirl and watch her live streams. Or pay for custom content from some onlyfans girl.

I also don’t think men who describe women of their past in the same way they would a fleshlight is a positive thing. That just means whenever you breakup or get into a big fight he’ll refer to you the same way. It’s disrespectful to women as a whole imo.

AutoModerator · 2023-07-10T18:47:01+00:00

Title: Thoughts on p*rn in relationships

Full text: Okay so people might not agree but as a girlfriend, personally, I don't view my boyfriend viewing certain things as cheating-like a girl in a Victoria's Secret magazine or something, because in my view he's just using her body, he doesn't care about her as a person-so it doesn't make me jealous as long as he's not an active "fan" of a specific girl, and just views them literally as stimulants basically. For instance, if he's like "Oh my God I love Gigi Hadid" and idolizes her and fantasizes about her that would make me upset-but if he's just like "Wow her *insert whatever* are hot-that's hot, that looks hot etc." and doesn't view it "humanistically"-I'm not as concerned-
if we're apart for a long time or something I don't really care if he watches faceless p0rn where you can't see their faces, like it's just bodies. I'd hope he's imagining that it's us doing it, because even though I don't do it a ton, when I "take care of myself" I'm literally always imagining us and what his reaction to it what be. There's even this one specific couple that "models" where the guy looks so much like my bf from the side, and faceless, and the girl at least has the same hair color/length/skin tone as me-we've even watched it together and he is just amused that I like it.

When I first started dating my bf, for instance, some of the hookup culture that he had dabbled in (nothing crazy just a few experimental things) bothered me a lot because I hated that other girls got to say that they've seen him like that, but then I started thinking well, aren't they "on the short end of the stick" because he basically just used them to get off and then disposed of them? Like he showed them no emotional respect or affection. I started to feel like, well, isn't that even more disrespectful than not touching her at all? Because they are the ones who were just like "a body" to him because he didn't view them as relationship material/women worthy of affection/respect so wouldn't they feel more embarrassed or "like the loser?"

Maybe this is bad but if he talks about them and says like "Yeah I was just horny that wasn't a good choice, she's nothing special I just wanted to practice xy or z on someone" I don't really care anymore. But he really has to give unimpressed and kinda derogatory language to it for me to feel okay-and honestly my bf really did just "do things" with people that I don't see him ever liking emotionally so it's mildly ok to me now...

He doesn't really "officially" have more than (kind of?) one ex girlfriend-he just had some talking stages but never brought it to relationship level other than this one girl from summer of senior year of high school which doesn't really "count" to him (or me honestly) and he talks about them respectfully but just says "I wasn't super into any of them, just bored-she was a nice girl but idk she was airheaded" -he like says this often. I always felt like this was just what every guy does so his current GF doesn't worry that he's into his ex right? Like if she broke his heart or broke up with him and he begged her to take him back, I'd never know that right? Like he would just spin it to make it look like he wanted to leave her? But I also don't care about this now because it's in the past and I'd just like to leave it there I guess?

Maybe this is problematic, maybe this isn't, I have no idea actually..

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flower_power_g1rl · 2023-07-11T12:42:57+00:00

I don't even need to read the post to tell you from my personal experience it is devastating and ruins relationships, yet nobody talks about it

Title	Thoughts on p*rn in relationships
Author	Big-Text-4930
Upvotes	0
Comments	44
Date	July 10, 2023 6:47 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/14w2iv7/thoughts_on_prn_in_relationships/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/thoughts-on-prn-in-relationships.1224880 https://theredarchive.com/post/1224880

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