Therapy was useless for me. What are your stories with therapy? [vent]

Dash83 · 2023-08-06T21:28:22+00:00

I went to therapy for the first time in my mid 20s after a heart-breaking break up. I was in a new country, new job, missing friends and family and dealing with a terrible depression. Therapy was like first aid. It stopped the bleeding, but I wasn’t healing. My therapist was a very kind older woman who I think felt bad for me and saw me like a son, so she never pushed me.

I was getting disillusioned by therapy and I forget how someone recommended a different therapist to me. I tried him, and holy shit. Younger guy, very chill but wise. Never condescended me. Had so many breakthroughs with that guy.

Therapy can be many things. Even though you might have some deep wounds that need “surgery”, some times you need to stop the bleeding first.

Netscape4Ever · 2023-08-06T21:16:07+00:00

I think it was “Men are from Mars women are from Venus” that said men only talk about their problems when they really don’t know what to do. So when a masculine is really going through it they’ll talk. This is not the same for women/females who freely discuss their problems, big or small, and issues with people more often. Men going to therapy are probably at their wits end. I find therapy pointless because I haven’t many issues I feel the need to discuss. Sometimes sitting alone in silence is good enough and I’m fine. That being said, some men need it for sures. I’ve never been conditioned to think therapy is useless despite the insistence of some women who claim men are taught to hate therapy. I’m like when and where? It’s not true.

Women say men don’t get them, sure, true mostly, but most women don’t get men either and try to impose on us things like going to therapy. It’s pushy and shouldn’t be tolerated.

hotpotato138 · 2023-08-06T21:47:14+00:00

I'm currently seeing a male psychologist. I don't know how helpful it will be. I might have a mental illness.

terrorist_giraffe · 2023-08-07T00:00:15+00:00

I had a similar experience to you, although mine has a happy ending. I saw a therapist provided by work, and she was exactly as you said: I didn't have a good relationship with my mother (not quite as bad as yours though) but she wouldn't stop telling me to reconnect, and at one point called me ungrateful. She was around the same age as my mom, so there was probably some projection going on.

So I saw a different therapist, and this one went too far in the opposite direction. My mom was dealing with some pretty significant mental health issues while raising me on her own, and I always knew that even if I couldn't be around her for the sake of my mental health, she was never a bad person. My 'mommy issues' were mainly about wanting a relationship with my mom that I couldn't have, but my new therapist wanted me to cut all contact and 'admit to myself' that my mom was an abuser.

So I saw a different therapist again. This one understood where I was coming from, and helped me set boundaries with my mom so that we could gradually build up to having a relationship again. So I recommend you give it another go with a different therapist. If you can, keep trying until you find one that's right for you. All three of mine were women, but the good one was quite young and not a mother herself, which might explain her different approach.

frackingfaxer · 2023-08-07T03:17:11+00:00

I've generally had very positive experiences with therapy. The fact that most therapists are women isn't an issue for me at all, because I actually find it very easy to open up with female therapists and women in general actually. For whatever reason, I don't feel terribly comfortable revealing all my embarassing personal issues with a fellow guy, but I do so pretty easily with a gal. To each his own, I suppose.

123herpderpblah · 2023-08-06T23:13:03+00:00

I've done lots and lots of therapy, going back years. I prefer more free-form client-centered talk-based therapy over stuff like cognitive-behavioural therapy, but there are benefits to all of them and I've come to appreciate better what can be gained by allowing the therapist to steer the session. It's important, first and foremost, that you feel heard. If you leave a session feeling frustrated because what you say is being invalidated, yea, no, find someone else. At the same time, with less structured therapy it's easier to drift and to avoid addressing real, deeper issues.

What I need to say, though, is that YOU need to be open to change. And, it is a paradox. A lot of people enter therapy thinking they're willing to change, but without wanting to have to actually change. Real change comes from becoming something different from what you are now & that is a scary, messy process that happens partly in public. Unfortunately it kinda progresses by trial and error. I've finally genuinely started experiencing real change in the past few weeks, something shifted and my psyche has landed in a different spot than where it was. I had a watershed moment. I'm more open to speaking my mind, and believe it or not my voice has dropped by half an octave. I'm more assertive and more sure of myself.

Me I decided to start shining bright like a fucking diamond.

Thing is, now people are telling me "you've changed." Yea. I have changed. That was the entire point. You don't like how I've changed? Deal with it. It's not my job to tip-toe around society's problems. I haven't become some asshole, I'm still pleasant & loving, just I've got plenty of worth-while stuff of my own to do. I feel better than I have in a long time.

SomeSugondeseGuy · 2023-08-06T23:18:05+00:00

Worked for me, worked very well. I'd still be doing it if I could afford it.

Intergalacticio · 2023-08-06T22:40:18+00:00

I don’t know much about the way you’re reaching out to metal health professionals, but the ones I reach out to have an online survey that you do the day before every session. With sliders for generalised things like; family, friends, work, etc, on a slider of 0-10 (10 being the best) (there’s only about ten questions). I think this system might be useful in your case since it would help them have an idea on which topics are the most sensitive.

But then again it could also be because of these surveys that your getting unhelpful mental health people. The people who get to help you might be different depending on what identities you list yourself as or what issues you list down in the survey that you want to address.

Idk if what I’m saying is new or helpfully here, but if the mental health people keep giving your mother the benefit of the doubt even when you’ve justified with beyond a reasonable doubt that your mother mistreated and/or is still mistreating you it’s likely that they’re still suspicious about your story until they’ve heard the other side of the argument (which is usually sound reasoning) but if that’s not their reasoning, then it likely bias. Feel free to talk about bias with your therapist, your own and their’s and maybe try to dig subtly and ask them why they came to their conclusion.

This may make me sound like an asshole for saying this, but sometimes it’s cathartic to find out or subtly point out people’s moral inconsistencies and notice if they’re deliberate or unintentional. Everyone has these moral inconsistencies, but in this case it’s more easy to subtly point out the therapist’s (with this specific topic of discussion). Your mother comes of as a peodophile, incestuous and sexual harrasser with this description you gave her.

maxcorrice · 2023-08-07T02:10:24+00:00

Therapy is somewhat helpful to me but largely because it’s social interaction

i’ve had bad, one insisting my semi recently passed mother wasn’t the best parent because of things like her being poor and her health issues, another one who didn’t know i was autistic till our second to last appointment after two years

i’ve had great, one, but she got promoted and couldn’t see patients anymore, but she helped me explore the insanity that is my long thought processes and agreed that i need a dominant caregiver gf (another therapist did too but we had some conflicts in our world view which lead to a mutual agreement for me to find someone else, still liked her though)

hypnogogicsham · 2023-08-06T21:25:39+00:00

It took me a while to find a competent shrink. One that was willing to help me manage the issues that arise from being transsexual on top of managing my bipolar and anxiety.

Sometimes it takes a couple tries to find a good fit. I personally prefer male shrinks as well, I find them easier to open up to.

PMmeYOURcovfefe · 2023-08-07T07:03:39+00:00

As a disability advocate, there are parallels here with the disability community. Disabled people are misunderstood, and psychology is very medical model. People with sensory concerns and mobility issues are told to walk it off - when walking is a huge enterprise. People facing ableism and discrimination are told to pull themselves up by the bootstraps be resilient in the face of systematic discrimination. Psychology is part of a much bigger picture for many disabled people getting the help they need.

Personally for me it has played a role along with many other things.

White_Immigrant · 2023-08-07T08:54:01+00:00

I've seen three different psychologists. They were all helpful, to varying degrees, at the very least providing me with some third party insight. However...too many of them are women, too many let their feminist ideology cloud their view of reality, and my god do they excel at creating middle class hippy style environments. Cushions, candles, pastel coloured fucking everything. As a working class man it was almost comical, they may as well have had a big sign up saying "this environment wasn't designed for you mate, jog on".

So, to address the balance of representation in mental health support, I'm back at university, and I'm intending on specialising in fellow men and their issues. I don't give a fuck that feminists would "like us to open up more", I just want to try and make sure all of us have access to appropriate healthcare.

phoenician_anarchist · 2023-08-07T11:50:59+00:00

They seemed in over their heads because they didn't offer any advice or help, just nodded and basically told me "that sucks, man."

For many, this is the entire point of therapy; They just wan't someone to listen to their problems and acknowledge them. This is one of the reasons why therapy does not work for everyone.

As much of a meme as it is, go for a walk, take up a hobby, exercise more... This can be as good as (if not better than) the typical idea of therapy for you and your mental health.

G_E_E_S_E · 2023-08-07T12:37:06+00:00

I’ve had many therapists, some good, some bad. Many of the therapists I’ve seen were through a free center with LMFT students or through the university I went to, so I got a new one every 6 months to a year. I’ve also seen 2 regular practicing therapists, one as a preteen, one in mid 20s.

Of the 10+ I have seen, only one was a guy. That wasn’t a specific choice I made, there were just only women assigned to me. I didn’t really vibe with him specifically but I might have liked a different male therapist.

Several of the ones I’ve seen try to identify one thing as the “root”, and fixate on what they think is the solution. It was my ADHD, a past abusive relationship, other past trauma, blah blah blah. The few that recognized I didn’t just have a single source of my struggles were the ones who were actually helpful. They helped me realize how all the pieces fit together, how to break down the bad thoughts, how to cope, etc. I really wish I could have continued seeing one of them for more than the allotted time. I think a good therapist is incredibly helpful. It’s just a matter of finding a good one, which isn’t easy.

Whether through therapy, online support groups, friends, or anywhere else, I hope you find the support you need. You are so much more than your past trauma or your transition. You deserve peace and happiness.

psychosythe · 2023-08-07T14:23:42+00:00

Well, I have been on my county's income based mental health list for a year, and there are more names I front of mine now than when I initially got on it, my girl got into hers by hanging in the lobby and jumping into a slot after someone cancelled, but I'm currently in a different state that has to use cancelled slots for inpatients.

So betterhelp it is. Eventually. Yay.

Not exactly a horror story but how do you have them if you never make it into therapy?

TheWorldUnderHell · 2023-08-10T03:05:28+00:00

I'd say therapy is going well enough for me given some of my issues stem from lifelong neurological disorders and more recently a depression that need to be medicated. I'd say what you think about your problems after you come out of sessions and come up with to bring into the next one is just as important as what we say within one.

And yeah, some people really shouldn't be practicing, speaking as a bachelor of psychology.

Title	Therapy was useless for me. What are your stories with therapy? [vent]
Author	Normal_Study
Upvotes	63
Comments	19
Date	August 6, 2023 9:00 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/comments/15k0iu5/therapy_was_useless_for_me_what_are_your_stories/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/LeftWingMaleAdvocates/therapy-was-useless-for-me-what-are-your-stories.1227663 https://theredarchive.com/post/1227663

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