I'm a sailor.

While I was at sea, wife of 13 years removed me from the lease and now the lease is in her name only. Then told me she wanted a divorce and refuses to go for counseling & salvage the marriage. Came home (Oct 13th) to find all this + lock changed and was threatened with a restraining order. As a sailor, I can't afford having that on my record. So, staying in a hotel. All my stuff is at the rented place. Yesterday, had my annual USCG physicals and was told that the EKG shows that I had a silent heart attack. And, I've to go back to sea next month.

We had a house in NJ (bought in 2019 and sold in 2022), wherein I had sunk in a lot of money + time. Her, not so much. Had to sell it for no-loss no-profit, so she could get a better job in CT. She said it was for our better future prospects. I just recovered what I had put in. She was in a dead beat job before the CT job and was dependent on my health insurance, etc. She also has a 401K before our marriage.

I trusted her and let her handle all the finance. I'd pay the big bills (Mortgage or rent), any big purchases and she'd pay the credit card bills, any small purchases, etc. Everything was in a joint account. While at sea, she also took out a bank loan and hired a lawyer. Her mother and brother are interfering so much in our marriage (since we got married and she has already lost a job once due to her mother's constant calls), that I'm tired and done with all this.

We have a 12yo son and she dictates when I can see him.

My questions are -

  1. Can she/landlady remove me from the lease without any notice and change locks? The landlady takes the rent in cash (Zelle). She started paying rent herself since August and the lease was changed in July, I think. She'd transfer the money from my account (I'm the primary) into another account (she's the primary) as Zelle was set up in that account.
  2. The 2 months rental deposit was paid by me and she's refusing to give it back to me.
  3. She now wants 50% of the house proceeds. But, she has put in nothing in it and the house was sold so that she could get a better job. Not even a nail in the wall. I slogged for 8months at sea and would be home for only 4 months to be able to buy the house. I zeroed out her cards, etc. For the first 5 years of the son's life, I was a stay at home father, she'd work 'coz then she and the son would get health insurance, a benefit her job discontinued in 2015.
  4. Am I entitled to 50% of her 401K if she's not being reasonable about splitting the home profits?

Someone please help. I can't keep on crying and feeling so lonely & scared.

Thank you so much for reading and hopefully for giving me some advice.

We live in CT and I'm 56yo. Today is coincidentally my birthday. Happy birthday to me :(

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