Hey all,

Thanks for reading. Feel free to read my previous posts for more context. Bf / soon to be fiancé (33) and me (24) are having less sex and it’s really having an impact on me.

We’ve been dating for one year exactly but have only lived in the same city for 9 months. At the beginning it was the typical daily, sometimes more, frequency of sex. Now it’s an average of 3-4 times a week. I know this is still “healthy” and nothing to worry about but I don’t feel good about it. I’ve spoken to him at length and he says he loves me now much more than he did then, that it’s simply not the first few months anymore, and that he’s extremely focused on our business so sex is less of a priority. He’s also said it’s an age thing, that his friends of a similar age have also commented that sex is not as huge of a deal anymore as when they were in their 20s.

My only other relationship was my ex who was my same age (we were together from 18 to 21 at the time) so obviously it is a bit of a difference. Bf has quit porn some months ago and rarely masturbates now, so I just don’t understand how he only wants it those times a week. We have to spend wayyy too much time together since we work together (hardly a way around this) and I keep telling him that this is probably why he doesn’t desire me as much (which he denies). I don’t ever reject him either which maybe doesn’t help because I’m just too available.

I don’t know. I’m just struggling with the transition in the relationship and cannot stop thinking if this is how it is now, how will it be in a few years? It makes me feel super unwanted and just too young for this, as much as I love him and want to be with him. I do have a high sex drive and workout everyday, so I’m in shape etc. I think what kills me most is not the drop in sex but the feeling less wanted. In my last relationship I was super young and toxic so every time we’d get to a less intense stage, I’d break up with him and then we’d get back together. I would never do that now but I dislike the more routinely, less intense honeymoon stage. Even though we are closer now than before, we are just less intimate.

I’m also considering spending as much time away from him as possible when I do have my free time (on weekends) so that I’m just not as available. I don’t know. I’m likely slightly overreacting, self sabotaging, over worrying as I tend to do, and it’s not like it’s his job to make me feel desirable all the time, but it is something that’s hurting me.

And if we don’t have sex I just don’t have it in me to be as affectionate and then he complains and we grow more distant, etc. I feel like I just found out that most long term relationships don’t actually have super frequent sex and I feel betrayed, and it’s just not what I want, but I do want him. I was also celibate for 3 years before him, so sex is new to me again. any advice would be great.

I also keep having toxic thoughts like oh, if I were a new girl you’d want me all the time. Which is true but like…doesn’t help me at all. He started having sex when he was like 14 or 15, and though not incredibly promiscuous he has been with different girls and used to watch porn in the past, so idk if he’s just desensitized to one person. And it’s also super cyclical as I’m sure it is for most of you. When I’m ovulating it’s more frequent, but when I hit pms/period times, not only do I already feel like shit but then he wants me less/complains I’m less affectionate etc so it just becomes a mess.

I guess in conclusion it just hurts that I still want as much as we started out with, whereas he’s ok with less. Maybe not even from a sex drive perspective but from an intensity/feeling wanted perspective. I told him this and he said relationships would always evolve from this stage, and I’d just end up breaking up with every new guy to go on to the next, etc. idk I have this terrifying fear of being in a boring relationship. I’m not saying we are there yet, just a fear. Perhaps it’s up to me to find more exciting hobbies to fill my time (advice would be great.)

I’m just worried to never experience a honeymoon period again and that from here on, it’ll likely just drop based on people’s average and his own response.

Thank you all

Edit: every time I mention I’m looking into new hobbies/activities to do outside the house, he insists all I wanna do is run away from him. I am someone who needs a lot of personal space so living together is difficult but if anything, I’m doing it for my own good and the good of the relationship. It’s like he doesnt admit to himself being together so much is a problem