Singleness (How to Do I Keep My Sex Drive From Tormenting Me??)

UpTanks · 2024-01-08T02:52:24+00:00

There are a couple moderately useful comments here. Firstly I need to say that nobody is grappling with anything that hasn't been grappled with before and nobody is facing a battle that cannot be won. Some people here seem to infer that lust is a lost cause. Pathetic.

I'm also a bit surprised that the actual answer to this question hasn't been raised. Plenty of men in the past have simply given in to their desires at this point in their lives. As a result, what you'll find is that these men mostly amount to a puddle of insignificance. This is because they placed their fleshly desires first and foremost in their decision making process. They end up with wives/gf's who are not at all suitable for them and years down the line they end up in suffocating situations at best and broken families at worst.

But even worse than this, they sacrificed their purpose/conviction for short-term pleasure. What this creates and perpetuates within a man is mental and spiritual weakness. This weakness will continue in a mans life as long as he places his fleshly desires first instead of framing everything in the context of his purpose first. You could be the strongest looking dude going around banging everything, but this so called "strength" is shown to be worthless in the course of time. From dust we came, and to dust we shall return. We bring nothing into the world, and the only thing we can take with us is Christ and the fruit we bore in faith (if we have committed ourselves to Him).

What must happen before/as you search for a wife, is that you become laser focused on your purpose/mission in life. I've been involved on and off in these spaces for years and I'm telling you that everywhere I look, this simple truth keeps coming up again and again. If your focus is not ultimately on your mission, with your wife and kids part of that (not the main focus), you will end up in a far worse situation than you find yourself now.

Side note, one commenter was absolutely on the money when he said that Jesus will not take away these desires. I will add to that by saying He wants us to sit in this struggle, because only through struggle and trials do we prove our faith to be genuine.

In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.

I'm also reminded of this passage:

You say, ‘I am rich; I have acquired wealth and do not need a thing.’ But you do not realize that you are wretched, pitiful, poor, blind and naked. I counsel you to buy from me gold refined in the fire, so you can become rich; and white clothes to wear, so you can cover your shameful nakedness; and salve to put on your eyes, so you can see.

Christian-Phoenix · 2024-01-03T04:03:12+00:00

Man, I relate to this question so much. I’m a 34 year old virgin who’s been suffering sexually (ie from a lack of sex) basically since puberty. I started watching porn at age 10 and been lusting after girls (actually attraction to girls started at age 8) from that point onward, and been desperately wanting to have sex since age 12. It’s been painful and extremely angst / sadness / depression / mental pain-inducing, for me. I reduced porn watching quite a bit this year though.

I am dealing with an incredible deal of bitterness, and resentment about all the non-Christian chads who are banging women all over the place, and who’ve basically been banging since they were teenagers.

It’s a really painful and difficult state of affairs. I don’t really have any answers for your predicament though. Some of the mods on this sub would probably be able to answer it better.

mista_resista · 2024-01-03T04:28:48+00:00

There is no magic pill. Paul gives us the best advice- find a wife. I have a ridiculously fundamentalist friend that is 50lbs overweight, plays video games 4 hours a day, overeats on junk foods and sugary crap, lives with his parents. I have a strong suspicion he is a porn addict given how immobilized he is. He tells me that God will bring him a wife and that he has no part to play in it. I think this attitude is very sinful. He is not stewarding his time nor investing in his future by being childish. I will say that getting married will not fix your issues but it does give you an outlet to channel them.

Make yourself as valuable as possible. Ask as many good women out as possible. Screw rejection, cast a wide net. Get married and have as much sex as you can with that one woman. It will not fix everything but it’s using sex the way the manual tells us to.

Alpha-Bunny1 · 2024-01-03T21:36:23+00:00

Start talking to girls, its that simple.
Your desires are God given, there is nothing wrong with them. Praying for God to take away your sexual desires is like asking him to take away your hunger for food; He is not going to do it. Both desires are natural and are indicators of what your body is craving. You do not get upset when your body tells you that you need food or water. Neither should you be upset when you feel horny. Now there are good ways to sate all your desires, ie eating meat, low carbs etc, or you can stuff your face with Cheetos and mountain dew; similarly there is a proper use of being horny and a wrong use.
The right use of sexual energy is to talk to girls, and work toward getting laid. I will not get into the morality of fornication here, as that is putting the cart before the horse. The improper use of sexual energy is jerking off in your room.
As for repression just don't. Human sexuality cannot be repressed for long, you either find a good outlet for it, or it will show up in other, less desirable behavior such as watching deranged porn, massage parlors, compulsive masturbation, hookers etc etc. Ive seen many Christian young men do all kinds of degenerate things instead of having sex with a woman or girlfriend. Somehow they reason it is more pleasing to God to watch transporn, or get a rub and tug than it is to have relations with a woman. Maybe relations with a woman is lesser of two evils imo.
That aside you have no idea where the proper use of sexual energy will lead. You striking up a conversation with a cute girl, can lead to you dating, and from there who knows?
So in short, dont be a coomer or a doomer, go out there and talk to the girls, approach, fail, learn and approach again.

careeningtracktor · 2024-01-03T03:38:21+00:00

I'm about your age, so I don't think I'm in the position to give advice. There are others in this sub who are much better suited to do that. What I can share is my own experience.

I'm in my early 20s and have historically struggled immensely with masturbation. Porn has never been a significant part of the equation, thankfully. I started dating for the first time this year, but for the majority of the past 5 years or so I've been lonely. Here are some things that have helped me:

- Once I get past the first two weeks of abstaining, the desire changes. First it flatlines, then it becomes healthy. I see and desire women, but I'm not fantasizing constantly. For me, this is bearable.

- I'm convicted. It doesn't always make sense to me *why* porn and masturbation is wrong, but as a man I want to abstain because fapping is pathetic, and as a Christian I want to abstain because I want to honor God.

- I'm working on myself. For years I hit the gym, worked on my social skills and style because I wanted to fill that loneliness I felt (which manifested itself in fapping). After a while I realized that what I was doing for female attention was actually making me in to a better man and a better Christian. There was a satisfaction in that alone that kept me going.

I guess my question to you is this: Yes, abstaining from all forms of sexual satisfaction is tough, especially at our age. But are you convicted that it's wrong? If not, fine. If so, it's a hard road, but it's the road I'm taking. Feel free to join me.

wkndatbernardus · 2024-01-03T17:23:51+00:00

Our sexuality is a divine energy meant to bring forth new life (literally and figuratively). If you are not moving towards marriage with someone presently, channel that energy into something that bears Godly fruit like exercise, professional/intellectual/spiritual development, volunteering, side hustles, etc. Most likely, God is asking you to use this time of celibacy wisely to build yourself into a man worthy of being the head of a household. Vaya con Dios, amigo.

Anonymous_Monkey116 · 2024-01-04T02:01:34+00:00

You described my EXACT situation to a T! I'm still trying to figure this out myself lemme know if you've found any answers!

plaudite_cives · 2024-01-03T11:36:58+00:00

from the biological standpoint prolonged fasting will definitely help, but it's really not sustainable, I guess

Also better than distraction is actually not having time for it

TexasRose25 · 2024-01-06T10:57:26+00:00

The Bible says that it’s better to marry than to burn (in lust). Maybe get serious about finding a spouse? I sure wish I could as well, it’s hard desiring it and not being able to have what you crave, regularly.

JabberWookie_77 · 2024-01-03T11:02:59+00:00

1 Peter 5:6-11 1 Corinthians 10:13 Romans 12:9

I was almost 28 when I married. Waiting sucks. But the reality is that your option is to endure. Steadfastness can only be developed by being steadfast. You can only develop disciple by being disciplined. Patience is grown by being patient.

James 1:2-4 “Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.“

You need to consider the kind of man that you want to be. Every list the defining characteristics of a mature believer includes self control. You are moving from childishness to manhood. Becoming the kind of man you want to be requires you doing the things that develop that in you. Just like shedding fat, there is no shortcut. Jesus went through the same thing which makes him a perfect high priest, because he endure sin all the way to death.

Hang in there and have a few men in your life to encourage you.

jerry-attics43 · 2024-01-06T05:24:50+00:00

when the time comes, as it will, and you can wait until after marriage with the woman who will become your wife, just remember, not to admit to any of your or her's family, what happened the night in question, a week later announcing that your getting married. about 4 weeks or so later, she will go to the pharmacy and get a stick to pee on, and at that point, it doesnt matter the results, youll be married, and honestly, we need more young people to get married.. society will benefit to that return to tradition for sure. move to a more traditional mindset area of the world or the country if your in the united states. IF YOUR GOOD LOOKING AND YOUNG, and not using drugs or drinking alot, capable and have a job, or smart and going to school for a degree, there are a ton of young women who will literally stalk you. don't just fall for the first one, you need to be picky like they are.. men most of the itme marry the first one, realizing only later, that there were many other women that liked them at the time and they knew nothing about. so just keep alert and dont discount yourself. whatever situation your currently in. this too shall pass. you must commit to doing something with your life, the women will see that, and then, youll be sought after. TRUST ME, THIS IS TRUE

BroChapeau · 2024-01-03T13:04:41+00:00

Let your energy drive you to excellence. Sex transmutation: https://sacred-texts.com/nth/tgr/tgr16.htm

Also, these days many traditional women too struggle to find traditional men. So be proactive and go find her through volunteering, joining hiking/fitness groups, etc. Expand the breadth of your group of acquaintances.

vitrael2 · 2024-01-03T14:38:32+00:00

Masturbation isn't explicitly mentioned or forbidden in the scriptures. No, that is not what Genesis 38:8-10 is about.

Pornography and other sexual fantasies about women are clearly "adultery of the heart" [Matthew 5:27-28]. That's a separate issue from masturbation.

WHAT DO I DO WITH A HOMELESS SEX DRIVE? IS REPRESSION THE ONLY OPTION?

Get a woman in your life.

I'm asking what I should do in the meantime while experiencing this "gift" of singleness.

Channel the energy of your sex drive into your drive to get a woman.

RedPillFremen · 2024-01-05T22:52:56+00:00

You say that you're able to avoid lustful thoughts and at the same time you burn with urges? That probably means you have lustful thoughts even if you don't recognize them as such. Pay attention to the content you consume and the effect it has on your urges. Filter out content that act as sexual trigger.

That said I also struggle with this from time to time and I suspect the majority of men do whether married or single.

COMoparfan392 · 2024-01-03T12:05:01+00:00

I was addicted to porn from ages 14-24, this includes after getting married at age 21. I have been sober since Easter of 2020. A large chunk of our sexual drive comes from what we feed ourselves visually.

Once I got off ALL social media, Facebook, snap chat, reddit, especially Instagram, youtube, etc. my struggle became exponentially easier. Only use any platforms if you have the self control to not wander with your eyes, reddit included. This should massively help as it did with my desires.

‭For those moments you cant bear it, i always read the following verse and prayed for God to provide a way out. I Corinthians‬ ‭10:13‬ ‭NKJV‬ [13] "No temptation has overtaken you except such as is common to man; but God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will also make the way of escape, that you may be able to bear it."

StaticLineJump · 2024-01-03T19:11:04+00:00

Hit the gym and approach more women.

niggleypuff · 2024-01-05T17:20:42+00:00

Decharge with a purity Crystal maybe?

jerry-attics43 · 2024-01-06T05:15:46+00:00

your young, things will change......have-hope, and take ahold of new opportunities in life as they come with faith that you will be the light of the spirit of a good man, and in order to do this, you gotta turn the internet off, its not helping anyone that much these days, when it comes to gauging societies ttrajectory or current status. pay it no mind. YOU WILL HAVE SEX, and probably out of wedlock, but not until you get off the computer, btw it highly unlikely you dont watch porn and masturbate, because, 99.9% of people with internet access between the ages of 15-44 do. just try not to do it everyday. ok?

Title	Singleness (How to Do I Keep My Sex Drive From Tormenting Me??)
Author	rebel-cook95
Upvotes	36
Comments	83
Date	January 3, 2024 3:11 AM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RPChristians
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RPChristians/comments/18x8uro/singleness_how_to_do_i_keep_my_sex_drive_from/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RPChristians/singleness-how-to-do-i-keep-my-sex-drive-from.1242132 https://theredarchive.com/post/1242132

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