I believe I am starting to come out of the anger phase. I am beginning to realize that everything is my fault. Things are the way they are because they lacked frame and was unable to enforce boundaries. Now that is changing, I am starting to do what I want when I want to.

Lately, I have focused on creating my map and sharing how my girlfriend can fit into it. My vision is to have a captain-first officer dynamic within a power couple framework. (i.e. We are both on an individual quest for self-betterment.)

So far, I've gotten buy-in. She will do things with me (go to the gym, read improvement books with me).

I can feel myself starting to have hope that we can get on the right track. This is mainly because I am taking the responsibility to get there whether or not she gets there.

However, as we go down this path, I am starting to find a new incongruence in my desires:

  1. I like my girlfriend and believe getting us into this power couple dynamic will make me happy
  2. I want to fuck other girls and take advantage of my newfound SVM

There is a part of me that believes I should continue to work on myself and:

  1. See if my girlfriend can get the relationship to where I want it to be and then decide if I still want to fuck other girls. (This would likely require the most personal growth)
  2. Blow everything up, fuck other girls, and then find someone I can get to fit into this power-dynamic couple idea that I have.

My lizard brain wants 2, but I believe I can look back with the most pride on what I built if I choose 1.

So my question is - for people who went down route 1 -

- How long did you give your SO before deciding to blow everything up?- How did you know that she wasn't going to make the cut?- Did you feel guilty when deciding to break it off? (There is a part of me that believes it will be time to call it off when I don't feel guilty for calling it off bc I will be clear that the relationship isn't working based on clear expectations). (I.e. One doesn't feel guilty for firing someone who hasn't met clear expectations)

Also, feel free to check me if my mental models are fucked up.