So I don’t know what to call this. But a common theme of my life of the past 10 years has been that I have to be as good as I can possibly be, and if I deviate from that even a little, I am punished massively.

I feel like I have to sell myself even to those closest to me to love me. This was a common theme in my marriage, that I have to convince her that the things that are important to me are actually important.

I have a history of anxiety. And ever since I was diagnosed with this, it’s like no one trusts my feelings just at face value. I’m treated more as this delusional, psychiatric patient than an actual human being.

My family, my own mother, and sister, in particular actually uttered the words “she is divorcing you not us” . It seems like there was a time where they were actually picking her over me to be part of their family. I don’t know how to react to this.. my sister still hangs out with my ex on occasion.

I feel like all the affection and all the love that I am now given is all conditional. Like I know to a certain point that is true, but it seems like in the past 10 years it’s become so bad. How do I create more meaningful relationships? How can I create relationships that people actually value me? My family to a certain point is almost my entire world, and it breaks my heart that they actually uttered those words.