How do some of you always know what to say?

IHave20 · 2022-09-03T19:15:44+00:00

I literally just talk and don’t think of the consequences

epimpstyle · 2022-09-03T19:50:50+00:00

This is a problem that appears to smart people. Yes, you read it right!

If you are smart and you know everything, you will never ask a person "what's the time" because you know what's the time, you will not ask someone "what you are drinking ..." because you recognize the coffee.... and so on.

The idea is to act a bit silly and start asking all kinds of questions even if you know the answer. I will give you an example, a few months ago it was a street festival in my town and after an artist finished his show, I asked a lady who will be the next artist. The lady was very happy to help me even though I knew that he was the last artist in that location ... Simple and easy, without eye contact, body language, not acting like a super alpha, without trying to impress her ... just a simple question for a very easy opener.

150420throwaway · 2022-09-03T18:52:11+00:00

I’m not the best person to ask (yet) as I am still learning this myself, but if I were to boil it down to two keywords/phrases, it would be;

A. Eliminate overthinking (at least in the moment)

B. Social flow state, so to speak - try to raise your own energy with some music you like, as an example. So for me it would be some rap song that could be absolutely garbage in the lyrical department, or at least in the message it delivers, but as long as you can vibe to it, you’ll feel happier and your proverbial balls will grow by 247%.

I think it all just boils down to being more confident, developing your self esteem, etc.

The progress I’ve made since I’ve started self improvement is insane, and it took off 6 months ago once I looked into it deeper.

You’ll get there and so will I, good luck my friend.

Icy_Recipe_3588 · 2022-09-04T01:15:44+00:00

Its always not what you say its always how you say it 🙂

OrderGroundbreaking · 2022-09-04T00:39:34+00:00

I recommend you look up Craig Ferguson on youtube and binge watch it. In fact, watch the ones you like multiple times to "memorize" some of the lines that can be used anywhere. I would even download the audio version of it and listen to it while on my commute. What you're trying to do is analyze how he's coming up with new topic or continue the conversation. Make notes so you can review it frequently then try it on friends and coworkers until you get so used to it that you could practice it on new people that you meet.

Personally I've found giving ridiculous answers is a good way to see if the other person will play along. In your example I would have nodded and find a good place to say "I know! Me too! (or as an alternative: "Yeah! That is so fascinating isn't it!?)... Yeah... no, I have no idea what you're talking about *cheeky smile* but I'm really enjoying the way you smile and talk about it" :) Follow it up by "Are you always so passionate about *topic*?" and keep going.

Or if it was a really passionate subject for her (you don't want to make fun of a topic that's important to her) then you can just ask her to tell you more about it because you've never heard or know about it.

Hope this helps!

pikecat · 2022-09-04T04:12:16+00:00

I used to not know what to say as well. I could talk forever to a smart girl, but not any other one. Then I learned how, very well.

Stop trying to think of witty or funny things. Your putting too much pressure on yourself. Almost every person will talk with you. Stop thinking to yourself, it's an impediment. Your worry is what stops you talking. It's the tendency to perfectionism. Most conversation is meaningless in content.

What I did to learn was to just go out and talk to people, at any opportunity. It seems hard at the beginning, but soon you find that it's not so hard. Nothing bad ever happens.

After talking with hundreds of people, and several relationships with women, all of the right words would come out of my mouth before I knew what they were. Now my focus was not in my head, but on the person that I was talking to. Now I could chat up any woman, any time, anywhere.

I think that the other is right, that this is a smart, or thinking person's problem.

My Dad, the mathematician, information systems manager, had a particular gift for chatting. You'd think that a stranger in checkout line was a life long best friend. Apparently he met my Mum in an elevator.

Puzzled_Nail_1962 · 2022-09-03T20:37:59+00:00

If you're actively having to think about what to say, something is already wrong most of the time. When you meet someone you really hit it off with and you're relaxed, it should be easy and interesting topics just come up by itself.

As a general rule of thumb though to get a conversation going, you want to be interested in what the other person has to say. Not just act like it, but actually be. If someone is talking about something they like you know nothing about, that's the easiest thing ever. Instead of thinking "yeah I don't have a clue about any of that stuff but it sounds neat" ask them about it and give the impression you're listening. Most of casual conversation, especially with girls, is more about feelings than facts.

To make it not seem like an interview, just add a little flavour to it. Say whatever comes to mind and even if it's just "I don't know anything about this" and then follow up with a question. In the same vein, give people a chance to do the same to you. If you're talking about something, drop hints to other conversation topics they can pick up on, if they're interested.

appmanga · 2022-09-03T21:47:46+00:00

u/epimpstyle definitely has a point, but you don't have to act silly if that's not who you are. What you should do is develop a healthy curiosity and not kind of exasperating kind you're exhibiting here. Someone telling you what they say could be meaningless to the situation in which you'd find yourself, so that's the wrong kind of curiosity.

Sometimes someone's talking about something they like and I'm just like "yeah I don't have a clue about any of that stuff but it sounds neat".

Since you don't have a clue, why not ask questions? What's it like? How long have you done it? How did you get into it? How did you discover it? How much time do you put into it?

Most people love talking about themselves and the things they do. Genuine curiosity takes you away on focusing on the next clever thing you think you have to say because you should be paying attention to what the other person is saying. It's also an opportunity to learn, something we all should be open to.

xxchhfdd35325 · 2022-09-04T00:05:01+00:00

Easiest way is to use something from your environment that isn’t a meaty bit on her body. I once saw a woman wearing an elephant necklace and I happen to have a Thai step mom so I asked the woman about it and said it’s a good luck symbol then I asked an open ended question and she wouldn’t stfu it was a real turn off…

Separate_Taste3428 · 2022-09-04T00:30:05+00:00

Just flow

mjornir · 2022-09-04T01:07:59+00:00

You say what comes to mind and deal with the consequences later. listen to your gut brother

m0rb33d · 2022-09-04T06:11:19+00:00

Experience

2022-09-04T08:19:25+00:00

I guess it comes from an experience with dealing with different kinds of people. You just have many possible scenarios and you are adjusting to the specific person and circumstances. Also, you should really not focus on information, but rather on emotions and dynamics between you. If your target is elaborating about things that you don't really get, you can make funny comment about it and move to some more reactive context.

Plane_Reflection6053 · 2022-09-04T08:30:45+00:00

practice practice practice

j314314 · 2022-09-06T14:23:49+00:00

We don’t.

Title	How do some of you always know what to say?
Author	MeanYeti
Upvotes	22
Comments	47
Date	September 3, 2022 6:21 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/seduction
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/seduction/comments/x514gd/how_do_some_of_you_always_know_what_to_say/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/seduction/how-do-some-of-you-always-know-what-to-say.1250660 https://theredarchive.com/post/1250660

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